A Dark Hour
by Matthew G Given
Summary: AU Castle has been shot. Beckett is on the verge of a break down. The team is in trouble. Enemies are closing in. This is indeed a dark hour. First chapter is a little slow because it is all set up but after that it will pick up,I promise.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:I do not own Castle. All rights belong to ABC and Andrew Marlowe. I am not making any money off of this.

**A Dark Hour**

**Chapter 1**

Detective Kate Beckett felt an overwhelming mix of emotions as she stepped up to the podium in her dress uniform and began her speech. She was full of sorrow because her captain the man who had been like a father to her when her own father had been too lost in grief and drink to be there for her was dead. She was angry because he had betrayed her,but he had died making it right and she wasn't about to punish his family or undo all the good he had done by talking about the one mistake he had made,she would take Mongemory's secret to the grave. She was frustrated because once again she found herself surrounded by death and without a single lead. Once again the search for her mother's killer had just led to more death and no answered. She was depressed and angry with herself because she nearly had to face this latest tragedy in her life along and it was only because the man who was with her today was the most forgiving person she had ever met that she wasn't.

It was all her fault too so some of the anger she felt was directed at herself. She had been so angry last week that when he had a accused her of hiding in a relationships with men she didn't love she didn't have the guts to tell him that not only was he right but the man she had been hiding with had called her on it two days before. Her mind briefly went back to that conversation and the pain she felt when Josh spoke.

"_You don't love me." _He had said with sadness in his eyes. _"I can tell. I think I love you but it can't be a one way street or it will not work. You are just hiding with me and you need me to change who I am and not go off to help people any more. Maybe I could bring myself to do that for someone who could love me back but I think we both know that will never be you. The only person you are in love with is the man you spend most of your time talking about. You have been using me to hide from him and I don't know why. I only know I can't do this any more so goodby Kate." _ Then the door had closed behind him and she knew she should feel angry and depressed but instead she was just numb and shocked. She hadn't said anything and now that she was thinking about it she knew why,she had known he was right. Still she was too proud to admit it so when she had been called out on it two days latter instead of admitting it to herself and talking to the man she was really in love with she had kicked him out of her life forever. Yet he had still showed up and saved her life and he was her by her side at the moment she needed him.

She had been unfair to him,she saw that now. She now knew there was no way he would leave her on his own and yet she hadn't pushed him away,instead she had spent more time them ever with him while at the same time dating someone else and making it clear that she would run if he ever told her how he felt. Not that he hadn't made it clear with his actions,everyone including her could see that but she was afraid that if she let him in she would be hurt,he would see who she really was and drop her. So she kept him on the outside but that had not been fair because she now saw that she had been accepting support from him while not giving him any real support from herself. She now saw that she had to make it right. There were no guarantees in life and she couldn't waste any more of hers or his with her indecision,she had to talk to him after the funeral and decide what they were going to do. She wasn't sure what she would choose but as she thought about the words of her captain she had a pretty good idea. He was right she was lucky to have found someone who would stand by her and never leave and she flashed him a sad smile at that moment,trying to let him know that she knew she was wrong when she kicked him out. She was scared but she had just about decided she was done letting fear run her life. The next thing she knew she felt a heavy weight slam into her side hard and she felt herself hit the grass.

"Castle,what the Hell?!" Beckett yelled at the man who's full body weight was on top of her,but he didn't respond. She dimly became aware that people were screaming just outside of her field of view which was mostly taken up be the form of Castle who was on top of her. She needed to know what was going on so she gathered all of her strength and pushed Castle off of her and onto his back,this finaly got a reaction out of him he cried out in pain and Beckett looked down at him. Castle's eyes were clenched shut and a look of pure agony was plastered across his face but Beckett still was not sure why,that is when she looked down and saw it. Blood seeping out from Castle's lower back and onto the grass. He had bee shot,that had been the crack she had heard a split second before he hit her,it was a gunshot and Castle had taken the bullet for her.

"Call an ambulance,Castle's been shot!" She yelled out to Ryan who she had just seen out of the corner of her eye running with his service weapon drawn in the direction of Castle's family. Castle's family,Martha and Alexis. Alexis had just seen her father shot! Suddenly it all became too real for Beckett and she started to lose control,Alexis was even younger then she had been when she had lost her mother and she had not had to watch it happen. Beckett knew that she couldn't be responsible for Alexis losing her father,she needed Castle to live so she pulled herself together and focused on making sure that happened. She reached behind Castle with her right hand and began feeling around,Castle winced in pain again but she didn't stop,finally she found the wound and began pressing on it as hard as she could.

"Castle,I need you to stay with me." Beckett pleaded looking down at him but his eyes had already started to glaze over and roll back in his head due to the pain and blood loss. "Hang in there!' Beckett almost yelled and that seemed to get his attention and with a great effort he opened his eyes.

"Kate,I love you." He said in a harsh whisper that sent a shock through Beckett's inter body. What did he only have the guts to say that now?! Beckett thought to herself angrily but before she could continue that line of thought he spoke again. "Take care of Alexis."

This snapped Beckett out of her thoughts and single tear began running down her face. "I will not have to because you are going to be here" She said in a stern commanding tone. "You just need to hold on,your daughter needs you." However it was too late he had slipped away and passed out. He was still breathing but despite Beckett's best efforts she could not wake him up. She sat there on the ground looking down at Castle until she felt someone put a hand on her left shoulder and trying to make her let go,at first she tried to fight the unknown person off but then she heard a voice.

"Kate you need to move and let the paramedics get to work" The voice belonged to her best friend and she knew what she said made sense so she reluctantly stood up. She watched the paramedics apply first aid and lift Castle onto gurney and push him into an ambulance. Beckett held back the tears but she did turn around and look at her best friend.

"I know,I know." Lanie said her eyes full of understanding and then she took hold of Beckett's left hand which was not covered in blood and began leading her towards where they had parked. "Come on lets go to the hospital,we will know more once we get there." Beckett was too numb to talk and all she could do was follow Lanie,she was completely overwhelmed.

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Everything was chaos when they got to the emergency room,it was filled not only with them and other people but the press hand gotten a hold of the news and were pushing their way in. When they got in Alexis' face and tried to get a statement from the highschool girl who was reeling from the day's events Esposito snapped and got into a shoving match with a reporter that could have ended up on the six o'clock news if it were not for Beckett's clear thinking,suddenly she was snapped out of her distance. Epsosito was still on her team and it was her job to keep her team out of trouble,this was something she could handle. Beckett stepped in between Epsosito and the report and while it took all of her effort and control she kept her voice calm.

"Listen how do you think it will make your station look when it comes out that you harassed a minor to get better ratings?" Beckett asked.

"The people have a right to know." the female reporter who was standing beside the camera man objected.

"This isn't about the people,it's about your ratings." Beckett replied fixing the reporter with an angry look. "You have no right to harass a minor and if you don't leave you will be facing a lawsuit from the family of Richard Castle,is that how you really want this to play out?!" She chalenged.

The reporter seemed to consider this for a moment and then think better of her tactics but she was too proud to admit defeat. "We will be outside the hospital waiting for updates." She finally said and she turned and left with her camera man.

After this Beckett found a nurse and had everyone taken to a private waiting room for VIPs,she was grateful to have something productive to do while they all waited for an update on Castle's condition. After a few minutes in the private waiting room Esposito got a call that he left the room to take and when he came back five minutes later Beckett could tell it was about the case. She called Esposito and Ryan beck to a corner of the waiting room to speak to them. They talked in hushed tones so as not to disturb Martha and Alexis who were sitting in chairs at the other end of the room holding hands.

"Was that about the case?" Beckett asked.

"Yeah it was." came Esposito's reply.

"Why the hell wasn't I called,I am lead detective?!" Beckett demanded angrily.

"They said they tried to get a hold of you but you didn't answer." Esposito answered calmly refusing to become upset with Beckett over how terse she had been. He knew she wasn't really angry at him.

This news shocked Beckett since she was sure her phone had not rung,she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone to check for missed calls but found that the screen was cracked and broken. It didn't take a detective to figure out that it must have happened when Castle knocked her to the ground saving her life. She almost cried at this reminder of the day's events but she held back the tears,crying would not help anyone,good police work would and if there was one thing she knew it was good police work. "So please tell me we go the bastard." Beckett said when she finally spoke.

Esposito shook his head sadly. "Sorry all we have is a riffle without any prints or serial numbers on it. Our only lead is that it looks military issue. The shooter is in the wind."

Becket was too shocked to speak but Ryan spoke up,his voice bringing home the full frustration that he felt. "How could that happen with all those cops there."

"Only one way that I can think of,the shooter must have been a pro. Most likely ex military special forces of some kind." Epsosito answered grimly.

"There has to be some way to trace him. Let's assume he is ex military and look for clues on the riffle besides prints and serial numbers. I want the lab to go over it with a fine tooth comb for anything that can tell us where it came from." Beckett said taking charge,she would not be defeated on this case.

"Right boss we will look into it,you should stay here." Esposito said. Beckett was about to object but then she remembered the promise she had made to Castle months ago and his last words to her,he had asked her to look after Alexis and while she wasn't sure what she could do for the girl she wasn't about to break her promise. She could trust Ryan and Esposito to look after the case for a few hours,still she couldn't bring her self to speak so all she did was nod sadly.

"Keep us updated." Ryan said as he and Esposito turned and left the waiting room. They had work to do.

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It was about an hour later when a doctor finally entered the waiting room. He was a tall man who stood just over six feet,he was overweight,had thick curly blond hair,and spoke with a British accent.

"Family of Richard Castle?" The doctor asked.

"That's us." Martha said standing up and walking toward the doctor. "I am Martha Rodgers his mother,this is Alexis Castle his daughter,and that is detective Beckett his partner from the 12th precinct." Martha said introducing everyone.

"I think I should speak to you privately, since this news is really only for the family." The doctor said unsure of himself.

"Anything you have to said to me you can said to these two,I will just have to explain it to them myself later so it's better if you just tell us all at once." Martha explained.

"Very well." the doctor said with a sigh. "I am Doctor Baker and I am in charge of Mister Castle's case. I am sorry I could not give you an update sooner but we needed to get him stable."

"How bad is it?" Alexis asked with her voice just above a whisper.

"It would be wrong for me to make light of how bad things are but you should know we believe he is out of the woods and he will live." This prompted a sigh of relief from everyone in the room. "Still he is in grave condition." Doctor Baker added. "He will need multiple surgeries over the next few days and you should be prepared to take care of him in the long term."

"What do you mean,what happened to him?" Beckett asked shocked.

"Please sit down and remember that the good news is that he made it,hang on to that." Doctor Baker said as he motioned for everyone to sit and they did so. He spoke gently but firmly. "The bullet shattered on the lower part of 's spinal cord and we will not be able to tell the full extend of the damage until we finish all the surgeries and he wakes up and we are able to run some test but you should prepare yourselves for the fact that in the best case he will have mobility issues for the rest of his life."

"And in the worst case" Martha asked as the colour drained from her face.

Doctor Baker then got a sad look in his eyes as he spoke. "In the worst case he will be unable to use his legs and be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life." The room fell silent for a moment and everyone had the same thoughts,they could not imagine Rick Castle not being able to run all over town and play laser tag,the thought of him in a wheelchair for the next forty or so years was just too much to bear. "I am so sorry and I wish I had better news and right now I need to get back to work but if you have any questions feel free to call me." Martha nodded and Doctor Baker then stood up and left the three woman in the room in a state of complete and utter shock.

Beckett had to do something so she stood up and started pacing,she had gone back and forth across the room three and a half times when she turned around and came face to face with Alexis who's face was bright red.

"This is all your fault!" Alexis yelled,Beckett had never seen her like this before and didn't know how to react so she just stood there unable to look Alexis in the face. "That bullet was meant for you. If you had just told him you were not interested,Stopped him from following you,or just stopped digging into cases like this none of this would have happened! It's bad enough my mother doesn't want anything to do with me,but now I am going to lose my father and I will be alone!" Alexis screamed tears pouring down her face and still Beckett couldn't bring herself to say or do anything,she was frozen in place.

"Alexis!" Martha scolded,coming up behind her granddaughter but before she could say anything else Alexis stormed out of the waiting room.

Beckett then looked down at her gloved right hand and then remembered for the first time that she had not removed the glove that was covered with Richard Castle's blood,suddenly it all became too much for her. Beckett's legs gave out and she slumped against the wall and began to cry. Alexis was right she had destroyed a family and she didn't know what she could do to fix things. She wanted to run but she couldn't move so all she did was sit there with her head on her knees and cry. This was the worst she had felt since he mother had died and she couldn't see how it could get better and little did she know it was about to get worse.

**Okay I know I should be working on some of the stories I have not update in over a year but this idea came to me in the shower and I had to get it down. I know there are a lot of season four AU out there so I am not sure anyone will like this one and I am not sure how good a job I did on it. I would just like to say that I am sorry for not updating in so long and I am grateful to anyone who is still reading my stuff. I feel I should explain. I have a metal condition that makes writing when I am off my meds very hard and for the past two years I have not been able to get my meds and I had a bit of a break down and wasn't able to write. That is the bad news,the good news is I am back on my meds so regular updates for this and other stories will be coming again. Sorry to keep you all waiting.**

**Remember that I rely on feedback from all of you to improve my writing so please leave a review and let me know if this story was any good and if you want to see it continue.**

**Thanks a bunch for reading,as always you people are the best.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Kate Beckett was awakened by a voice,as the cobwebs slowly began to clear from her head she became dimly aware of a dull ache in her neck and back,it took her a few seconds to work out that she must have cried herself to sleep on the floor of the hospital waiting room and that it wasn't the most comfortable place in the world to sleep. Just as she was working this out she heard the voice again and looked up to see it coming from the last person in the world she would expect.

"I figured you could use some coffee." Alexis Castle said looking down at her,she had two disposable coffee cups in her hand and she held out one to the detective. To say that Beckett was shocked would have been an understatement,the last time she had seen Alexis she was sure the young woman hated her and blamed her for getting her father shot,but now here she was offering her coffee,Beckett wasn't sure what to make of this but she straightened herself into a sitting position and gratefully took the cup. Beckett looked around the room and noted that other then the fact that Martha had a fallen asleep in a plastic chair on the other side of the room and the fact that the skylight seemed to indicate that it was dark outside,not much had changed since she had sat down on the floor.

Beckett took a few sips of coffee and when she decided to speak she chose a neutral topic,not wanting to push Alexis after everything the girl had been through. "How long was I asleep?" She asked.

"I think about five hours." Alexis replied sitting down beside the detective.

"Oh." Was Beckett's only response as she took another sip of her coffee,trying to wake up and come to terms with the day's events at the same time.

"Listen detective." Alexis said and Beckett turned to face the girl and when she did she saw that the redhead's eyes had a sad look in them that she would do anything to take away,she wanted to put the girl at ease so she interrupted her. "Please just call me Kate." she said with a warm smile.

"Okay,Kate." Alexis said as if she was trying it out to see if it felt right and then she continued. "I am so sorry for what I said earlier. I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I know you didn't ask for any of this to happen and I know my dad made his own choices that you have no control over. None of this is your fault and you don't need me laying a guilt trip on you. I don't know why I did it but I hope you can forgive me." Alexis then turned her face away as if she was ashamed of herself and looked down at the floor.

"There is nothing to forgive." Beckett said after a moment,she waited for the girl to respond but when she didn't even look at her she decided to continue. "Alexis look at me." She said in a commanding tone of voice and Alexis slowly turned her head but still didn't dare speak so Beckett decided she had to deal with this guilt the girl was feeling right away,before it became too much for her to handle. "Listen I know what you are going through and I will not lie,what you said hurt at the time." At this admission a look of shame passed over Alexis' face but Beckett knew that the best way to deal with this was to press on so that is what she did. "But I also know why you did it. You are confused,angry,and afraid. What happened today was not fair and at some point you had to break and yell at someone. I was in your position when I was just two years older then you and I know that it makes you want to throw things and hit things and do nothing but scream,to tell the truth you held together better then I did." Beckett admitted.

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better. I know I reacted badly." Alexis said after a moment.

"I am not." Beckett replied. "When the police came to my house and told my father and I that my mother had been murdered I completely lost it when they said they didn't have any suspects and accused them of not trying to solve the case. Deep down I knew that was wrong but the pain was so raw I had to lash out at someone and they were the ones there at the moment."

"Oh,really?" Alexis said and she looked as if she was only just starting to make sense of her own feelings.

"Yes,really." Beckett said and then moved on. "Also I know you are scared of being alone,I would be too but let me tell you that you will never be left on your own. First because your father is not going anywhere,and second because you will always have your grandmother."

"I know and I felt bad about saying that and said sorry to grams almost right away." Alexis interrupted.

Beckett nodded her understanding and then continued. "And third because if anything were to happen to your father I will be there for you. Your father asked me a few months ago to take care of you if anything were to happen to him on the job and I promised him I would and I keep my promises."

"Thank you Kate but you don't have to do that,after all I am not your daughter." Alexis objected looking at the detective with shock in her eyes.

"This isn't something I have to do." Beckett explained. "It's something I want to do because I care about you and I know what it is like to lose a parent. The real question is are you okay this?"

"Yeah I am." Alexis said and a sad smile played across her lips.

"Good,and don't worry because your dad isn't going anywhere." Beckett said with a smile and then she began to stand up. "Would you mind if we got up off this floor,my back is killing me?"

Alexis nodded that she understood and they stood up and started walking back and across the room together in order to stretch their legs. Once in a while they would start chatting about something or over but mostly they were silent. Both woman needed time to process the day's events now that the emotions were less raw.

A huge part of Beckett wanted to run but she knew that was not an option any more,she had promissed Alexis she would be there for her and even though she was pretty sure Castle would be fine she could tell the redhead still needed someone who knew what she was going through and she was the only person in her life who had any idea what it was like so she couldn't run out on her. She had been so mad when her own father had become too lost in his own grief to help her when she needed it she would not repeat that mistake no matter how strongly her brain screamed at her to run away from the pain,she would not do it.

For her part Alexis had never really had a woman in her life who at stood by her in moments like this besides her grandmother and as much as she loved her she could tell her Grams was worn out from worrying about her son and she didn't like to add to her burdens. Young people never like leaning on older relatives and Alexis was just glad that in this moment of crisis she had someone else to lean on who seemed to understand what she was going through better then anyone else. It filled her with a sense of relief and gave her hope that maybe,just maybe her father would be okay.

**Okay originally this chapter was going to be longer and get more into the plot but it ended on such a different emotional note then the next part of the story but putting it together with that part felt like it gave the chapter whiplash so I split them up. Sorry the plot didn't take off in this chapter. Also there have never been a lot of Alexis/Beckett scenes on the show so I would love some feedback on what I did wrong and if you think I did them justice because I am not sure. The amount of feedback I got for the first chapter was amazing,you guys are the best and I have decided to focus on one story at a time right now while I get used to writing again and this the story I will be focusing on right now. Look for updates every couple of day or so.**

**Thanks for reading and thank you all for your support. Chapter three will be coming in the next day or so.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next few days were rather uneventful. Castle underwent several more surgeries and his condition was upgraded but he was kept in a medically induced coma so that his body would have a chance to heal before it was subjected to the stress of waking up. The family was allowed to sit by his bedside and Alexis stayed there day and night and since Alexis was there that is where Beckett stayed. Over those few days she grew closer to the girl then she had before as they talked about one thing and another,it was clear Alexis wasn't used to having a woman who was closer to her in age then her grandmother to talk to and Beckett's heart broke for the girl. Yes Alexis' mother was still alive but she didn't want anything to do with the redhead. Beckett's mother had at least been close to her before she died and Beckett couldn't help but wonder who had it worse,at least Beckett had known her mother loved her. After the first couple of days Beckett had managed to convince Alexis that it would be okay to leave for a few hours so they could shower,pick up clean clothes,and Beckett could get a new cellphone,not even Martha had been able to talk her into doing that. There was no denying the bond that was growing between the two.

While they were out Beckett swung by the 12th to check on the progress of the case and sadly it was going nowhere. They had a description of a man from a groundskeeper but it was so vague it wasn't helpful at all and they still couldn't find anything on the gun. Ryan and Esposito brought up the possibility of looking more closely at Montgomory's history since there was bound to be a link somewhere between him and the person behind the shooting otherwise what sense did killing him and taking a shot at Beckett make,but Beckett vetoed the idea. She was not about to put his family through seeing his name dragged through the mud as if he was just another dirty cop. He was so much more then that to Beckett but she knew all the jackals at internal affairs and the media would see would be another dirty cop and she couldn't bare the thought of that happening to the man who had given his life to make things right.

It was exactly one week after the shooting when the doctors started to wean Castle off of the drugs so that he could wake up and they could run tests. Doctor Baker warned then that it would take a few days for Castle to wake up and that when he did he could very well be in a state of shock,still once he started coming off of the drugs Alexis refused to leave his side. Alexis sat by his bed in a small reclining chair and held his right hand,she kept up a steady one way conversation believing it would help him wake up. Beckett stayed with Alexis but the first time they saw Castle she was in such a state of shock that if she had not made a promise to be there she would have run. Castle looked nothing like himself,his skin was a sickly pale almost yellow from not being outside in so long,he had lost weight,and tubes seem to be coming out of every part of his body. Worst of all he wasn't making a sound,he wasn't talking or smiling and that was just too strange and out of character for the writer,it nearly sent Beckett into shock all over again.

It was on the morning of the second day of waiting for Castle to wake up that Beckett received a text message.

**Esposito:**_The New Captain wants us all in her office ASAP._

Beckett text back that she understood and would be there as soon as she could. She turned to talk to Alexis but waited a moment when she heard what the girl was saying,not wanting to interrupt.

Alexis was holding her father's right hand and looking down at his closed eyes as she spoke gently with her voice just above a whisper.

"Dad please wake up. I don't care how bad you are hurt,I don't care if you can't walk. I need you. I know it will be hard but please don't give up,this will not change who you are. You are my dad and I need you. Please wake up." Alexis pleaded and Beckett could tell she was on the verge of tears,this made Beckett feel bad about what she was going to have to say but there was no avoiding it,she had to go into work. She quietly stepped towards the young redhead.

"Alexis" She said and the girl looked up at her. "I am sorry but I just got a text and I have to go into work for a meeting."

"Is this about the case?" Alexis asked,it seemed she had a need for answers and justice that Beckett understood all too well and the detective hoped that she would be able to fill those needs sooner rather then later,the last thing she wanted to see was the passionate girl lose her lust for life the way she had.

"I don't know,all I do know is that my new captain wants to see me." Beckett answered honestly and then added with concern showing in her eyes. "Will you be okay?"

"Yeah I will be fine." Alexis nodded smiling to show that she would be alright. "Dad is out of the worst of it and your job is important and Grams should be here in about half an hour. I'll be fine."

"Okay,text me if there are any changes or you need me." Beckett said and then turned and walked out of the hospital room. She had no idea what she was in for at the precinct but she hoped against hope she would be getting answers.

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Beckett arrived at the 12th precinct about twenty minutes later,as she entered the bullpen she felt a strange sense of relief,finally she was on solid ground. She was not good with emotions or supporting people,but she would do it because she had made a promise. What she was good at was solving cases,the precinct more than any other place in the world was where she felt,safe,at ease,and needed and it felt like forever since she had last set foot in the place that more then anywhere else she thought of as her home.

She looked around the bullpen taking in the familiar view that it had been all too long since she had been a part of,a selfish part of her that she was ashamed to admit existed could not wait for Castle to wake up so she could get back to work. Her work was what made Beckett feel alive and she missed it to the point that it caused a dull ache in her chest. Still she had made a promise and she was going to keep it. She was pulled from these thoughts when she spotted Ryan and Esposito sitting at Esposito's desk and Ryan waved her over.

"Hey,anything new on the case?" She asked as she made her way over to the desk,skipping the pleasantries. Getting whoever shot Castle was more important to her then catching up.

"Wouldn't know,the case has been taken out of our hands." Esposito said with a disgruntled huff.

"What,why?!" Beckett demanded angrily. This pushed her to point of almost white hot rage,getting Castle's shooter should be the only thing that mattered to the 12th precinct at the moment. He may not have been a cop but he had worked with them all for three years,he had put his life on the line for them many times,none of them would be alive at the moment if he hadn't solved a case and disarmed a bomb,and for herself personally if the shooter was a pro sniper Beckett had little doubt that if he hadn't taken the bullet for her she would be lying dead at the moment. He deserved better then to have his case shoved aside and left unsolved just because he was "not a real cop". The fact that this seemed to be one of the first actions taken by the new precinct captain did not make a good impression on Beckett. Whoever this new captain was Beckett was already sure that they were not half the captain Montgomery had been and she already knew she didn't like them one bit.

"Maybe the new captain will explain,she wanted to see us the moment you got here." Ryan said as he through up his hands in disgust.

"Well then I guess we had better find out what are this is about then." Beckett said looking over at the closed door of the captain's office and for the first time since she had come to work at the 12th precinct she dreaded going into the room,not only was it a reminder of a dead friend but now someone she was sure she wouldn't like had taken his place. Still there was no avoiding it so she pushed her emotions down and put on her best stoic face that she used with New York's murderers and walked over to the door with Ryan and Esposito following a step behind.

Beckett knocked on the door and heard a gruff female voice say "Come in". Beckett opened the door and stepped inside and got her first look at her new captain. She was a dark skinned woman in a standard issue dark business suit with a scow on here face. Beckett had to wonder if the scow was for her and her team or if it was a permanent feature on the middle aged woman's face. She was standing behind her desk looking down at some papers she was engrossed in. Beckett noticed that on her desk there was a picture of the woman with a man who looked a few years older then her and three children. Maybe she was human after all,it seemed that she had kids.

"Come in and close the door behind you." the woman said making a motion with her hand but not looking up from her paper work. Once she heard the door close she finally put the last piece of paper down and looked up at the three detectives who has entered her office. There was something about the woman and the way she looked at them that caused Beckett to remember being called to the principal's office when she was in grade school and it made her to stand at attention with a look of respect directed at the older woman.

"My name is Victoria Gates and I am your new captain. You will address me as either Captain or Sir,do you understand?" She spoke in a clipped almost harsh tone and then waited for all three to nod their understanding before she continued. "You should know a few things about me before we go on. First you should know that I have spent most of my career working inside Internal Affairs. I have not made many friends in the department but I believe the work is important. There is nothing lower then a police officer who betrays the public trust. They not only commit crimes that they should be punished for but they damage the public's trust in the police force and thus do harm to every honest officer who puts their lives on the line to protect the city and it's citizen's every day. We all swore an oath to uphold the law no matter what and anyone who can't keep their word has no business working for the city as an officer. I also have zero tolerance for the wall of blue. It's bullshit and I will not stand for it in any precinct I run. You should also know that I was the top detective at Internal Affairs for nearly two decades and I have gotten very good at telling when I am being lied to by cops."

All of this made Beckett squirm but she didn't dare show it on her face,with any luck this was just a standard issue tough girl speech from someone who didn't expect to get the chance to run a precinct and needed to show how strong she was to the people under her command and this wasn't going to go where she feared it was. At any rate Beckett wasn't about to sell out a friend who had paid for his sins,he had been there for her whenever she needed him so she was going to be there for him when he needed her to protect his reputation so his family would not go through the pain of seeing him treated like a common crook in front of the whole city. Beckett wanted to speak and opened her mouth to ask about the one thing she cared about at the moment,Castle's case but Gates interrupted her. This time Gates spoke a little more gently and her eyes softened somewhat and she came off almost like a mother talking to her children.

"Now is there anything any of you want to tell me before we continue?" She asked. Beckett didn't have to think twice before shaking her head "no" and a second later Ryan and Esposito followed suit. Gates looked like she was about to speak again but this time it was Beckett who got her say in before the captain could speak.

"Sir,I would like to know why the Richard Castle shooting was taken away from my team." Beckett said calling on all her training as a cop to keep her emotions in check and not let her face betray anything.

"Because the commissioner personally ask the FBI to take over the case." Gates stated bluntly. This shocked Beckett,she knew the feds wouldn't care about the case the way she did and she couldn't let them screw it up. She had the best team in New York city,she had to know why the commissioner didn't trust her with a case that was clearly within her jurisdiction.

"Why did he ask for them,this is our case." Beckett stated desperately.

"Because you are too close to the case and this case is now of federal importance." Gates explained. This got a shocked look from all three detectives so Gates continued and explained as if she was talking to children. Beckett didn't know the woman well but she was clearly in no mood for questions. "Did you really think that a world famous writer could be shot in the back jumping in front of a bullet aimed at a detective who was speaking at her captain's funeral,a man who himself was shot dead and it wouldn't make national headlines?" Gates asked and Beckett despite the anger she was working hard to contain had to see her captain's point. That didn't change the fact that she didn't like it and wasn't about to let the FBI botch the case. Gates then continued. "The mayor wants to be sure that the shooter and whoever is behind him or her is brought to justice and to that end every avenue of investigation is pursued."

"Sir,Castle was my partner." Gates raised her left eyebrow skeptically at this admission from Beckett but she refused to be diverted from her purpose,she owed it to Castle and his family to find whoever had shot him and so she continued. "I can assure you I will leave no stone unturned when it comes to finding his shooter."

"Oh,really?" Gates asked,her voice laced with disbelief. "Then perhaps you can explain to me why none of you bothered to mention the fact that Montgomery was dirty and guilty of at least the murder of an FBI agent in your reports and you didn't report it to Internal Affairs as per department policy and the law require. Despite the fact that he is our best lead to the person ordered Mister Castle shot and thus Mister Castle's shooter." Gates said her voice laced with ice and there was no mercy in her eyes.

This bombshell shocked all three detectives beyond the power to speak,they knew they were in trouble,and Beckett was thrown out of her poker face and for the first time let her true emotions be seen but she was robbed of the power of speech so Gates spoke again.

"So you did know." She said quietly after she observed the reaction of all three detectives. The experienced detectives had been so shocked by her words that they had fallen into a rookie trap that every detective learned the firs time they talked to a suspect. The detectives had been tricked into admitting something that the person on the other side of the interrogation only suspected but could not prove. Gates then added as she walked back and forth in front of her desk looking each detective in the eye. "Were any of you involved with Montgomery in whatever this is,Did you take money from him?"

Esposito was too ashamed to speak,he had always conducted himself with a sense of honor and now the idea that he had failed to live up to the ideal was too much for him to process at that moment so he just shook his head "No".

Beckett had too many emotions conflicting inside herself to speak. It was everything from shock that Gates knew,to sadness that she had failed to protect her friend,to worry about what Gates would do to her team so she too simply shook her head.

Only Ryan found a voice and spoke clearly. "No,Sir. We did not know Montgomery had anything to do with this until almost two weeks. Ago."

"I see." Gates said thoughtfully turning around to consider how she would respond to this admission for a few moments before turning back to the team. "I believe you,but you have all done one of the worst things an officer of this city can do. You have covered up the crimes of another officer and and I can not let that slide. You are all suspended without pay until Internal Affairs can decide what charges to bring against you. At the very least if I were you I would not count on ever working as a police officer again." Gates said coldly.

This shocked Beckett out of her silence. She was about to lose the only thing she had left in her life,she didn't have a real family,she didn't have a boyfriend any more,she didn't even have any hobbies. All she had in her life was The Job and now that was being stripped away from her,she wanted to fall to the floor and cry,she had nothing left. Still she could not let herself do that. This was her team and they had only done what she had asked them to do as friends,she couldn't let them take the hit for this. It was time for her to step up and do what good leaders do,not let those who follow them pay the price for their mistakes if they can help it and Beckett could help it. Beckett took a deep calming breath and then stepped forward so she was between Gates and her team and when she spoke she was completely calm.

"Sir Detectives Ryan and Epsosito knew nothing about this. I was the lead detective and I ordered them to let me report Montgomery's involvement,they had no idea that I didn't report it to anyone. They are only guilty of following my order." Her voice and face betrayed no emotion. She knew the two detectives behind her would object so she turned quickly around and flashed them a look that told them that they had better not say anything before she turned back to face Gates.

"I see." Gates said and it was clear from her tone of voice that she didn't believe Beckett's story but she had no way to prove it was not the truth. At any rate having one detective fall on the sword would be better for the precinct then having to fire an inter team. "In that case you can go back to work,detectives and please close the door on the way out." She said glancing at Ryan and Esposito and they left the room a few seconds latter,and once the door closed Gates sat down in the nicely padded office chair that was behind her desk.

"Have a seat Detective." Gates said motioning to the chair in front of her desk and her voice had calmed somewhat. It was still hard as steel but it seemed to be steel covered by wool. "Why did you do it Beckett?" Gates asked.

"Roy Montgomery trained me,he was a friend who was always looking out for me,and he died making things right." Beckett answered brokenly.

"Unfortunately he didn't make things right." Gates stated coldly. "The people behind this are still out there and who knows how many other people they will kill to cover their tracks. Not to mention these people seem to be completely ruthless and I don't think they will stop coming after you or your team,so by covering up the only lead you have put not only yourself and them in danger but all of your loved ones as well since I don't think the people behind this would think twice about using them to get to any of you."

Beckett had never thought of it in that way before,she had been too emotional to think about the whole set up clearly and logically like that. She couldn't stand the idea of someone going after her father or god forbid Alexis to get to her. Still she couldn't regret protecting Montgomery,even if he was found out she had at least done her duty as his friend. She couldn't bring herself to ask about her future or even think about it at that moment so she just nodded and asked the other question that was on her mind.

"How did you find out?"

"The first thing the FBI did was look at all of Montgomery's phone and financial records as well as people he had worked with over the years along with the last case worked by the team who was shot at during his funeral. I think they also have some other evidence that they are not sharing at the moment. It didn't take them more then a couple of days to figure out that he was involved and your team must have known about it,otherwise why take a shot at you?" Gates explained quietly.

"I see." Beckett said and she was still in too much of a state of shock to show her true emotions so she just asked the next question. "What happens now?"

"I have to ask you a few questions before I decide on that." Gates stated in a firm and business like manor but there was something in her voice that hinted that she wasn't completely uncaring. "First have you ever withheld evidence in a case before?" Gates asked.

"No,sir!" Beckett shook her head violently. "I only did it this time because I am personally loyal to Captain Montgomery and I didn't want to be the one to drag his name through the mud in front of his family."

"Okay." Gates said nodding and then asked the follow up. "You did this despite the fact that he helped set in motion a chain of events that led to your own mother's murder?"

This shocked Beckett,she couldn't believe this woman was bringing HER mother into this,Beckett's face began to turn red. "Don't tell me how to feel about my mother. He was roped into that situation by two older detectives and he spent the rest of his life living in fear but still did his best to be a good cop and help people and he gave his life to save mine! If you think that I regret protecting him and his good name then you are wrong and let me tell you something my mother would be proud of me for standing by my friend!" She almost shouted as she stood up from her chair.

"Sit down Detective!" Gates said in a harsh commanding tone and the look in her eyes didn't broke any kind of argument with her order. It took Beckett a few moments to regain her composure but she slowly began to calm down and a few seconds latter she obeyed Gates' order. Gates waited another thirty or so seconds before she spoke next. "I don't think you fully understand the consequences of your actions." Gates said at last. This caused Beckett to fix her gaze on the older woman from across the desk and when she spoke it was in a controlled solemn tone of voice.

"I understand exactly how badly I have messed up." Beckett said deciding that if this was indeed going to be her last act as a New York City police detective she was going to be completely honest,both with the woman across the table from her and herself. "I got my partner shot. I added to a scandal that is going to damage both this precinct and this department. I gave a murderer time to get away and cover his tracks. I also may have made myself an accessory after the fact to Montgomery's crimes depending on what IA and the FBI decide to do about my withholding evidence. I know I may end up in jail but I can't regret standing by my friend." Beckett finished just barely keeping her emotions in check.

"Well at least you understand. For what it is worth I think you were a good cop and you could be again,but this whole situation is now a federal case and out of my hands." Gates said after a moment. "If charges are not pressed I will have to think long and hard about if I want you in my precinct."

"I understand sir." Was Beckett's only reply,what else could she say?

"Until there is some ruling on your actions I will need your badge and your gun." Gates said standing up from her chair.

"Yes Sir." Was the only reply Beckett could muster as she sadly placed both on the desk and then without saying another word walked out of the office. She couldn't face Ryan and Esposito at that moment so she quickly made her way to the elevator and out of the precinct,for all she knew she was leaving for the last time.

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Beckett wondered the streets for hours as a gentle spring rain fell,her mind a jumbled mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions as depression and fear slowly took over her mind and actions. She could not believe how badly she had wrecked her life. The only thing she had left was being a detective and now that was gone. It was so painful because everything she saw was a reminder of her former life that now lay in shambles. As she finally entered her building she made a decision,she had to get out of the city. There was nothing else for it,she would self destruct if she stayed. She quickly changed into clean clothes and packed a suitcase. All she did was hurt herself and others and now it fully dawned on her that Castle's shooting was her fault in more ways then one. She couldn't face his family or him ever again. She needed to go and spend some time in the quiet and sort out what she was going to do with here life if she stayed out of jail.

It took Beckett only about five minutes to pack her suitcase but to her it felt like five hours. Finally she was ready to go. With tears in her eyes she picked up her keys and suitcase and walked out the door. The sooner she left New York behind the better it would be for everyone.

**Sorry it took so long for me to post this,it should have been up yesterday but I spent the whole day at the doctor's office and couldn't write.**

**Word of warning if you are expecting this story to follow season four's events just with Castle shot this may not be the story for you. I have no problem with those story but that isn't what this story is. This story is inspired by season four but it will not follow the same path. There are three things that are different right off the Bat. First Josh broke up with Beckett a few days before Castle confronted her. Second Castle was the one shot. Third this story is picking up right at the shooting instead of three months latter so the deal that made has not been made yet so everyone is still in danger on top of everything else. We are in for the long haul people and I hope you are okay with that because I write to please my readers and you guys have been amazing. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Please leave honest reviews even if they are harsh,it is the only way I will learn. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**I just edited this chapter not only to correct some spelling and grammar mistakes but to clarify some plot points and character motivations. Please don't judge Beckett too harshly. Remember she has never been in a position of having to take care of someone else before and her whole world has just come falling down. Also unlike the show she has not had any time to herself since Montgomery has shot,she has been staying strong for other people for almost two weeks. Some sort of break down was bound to happen at some point. I will not give anything away but rest assured that there is a plan and this story will go somewhere I think most fans will like.**

**Some readers have asked how the FBI got onto Montgomery so fast,all I will tell you is that it will become clear as the story goes on. Please hang in there because there will be answers.**

**Finally I wanted to thank everyone again who cared enough to review. I truly believe that your feedback helped me make this chapter and this story better so thank you very much. I hope to have the next chapter up by tonight or tomorrow.**

**Thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of the story.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Kate Beckett had no real plan as she stood in the rain that was falling down more heavily then it had been just a few minutes before, she was too confused and emotional to have a plan. She had one suitcase,no car,and no job. As far as she could tell her life was over, all she knew was that she needed to get away from everything that reminded her of the complete failure her life had became or she would end up doing something stupid as she knew all too well depressed people who had lost everything tended to do. She had to get somewhere quiet and her only plan was to go to her father's place and ask him to drive her to his cabin in his pickup truck. Normally she would have taken her Harley but it wasn't at all suited for the rough back roads that led to the cabin so for the first time since she was a teenager Beckett was going to have to ask her father for a ride. Beckett felt a little silly,she was a grown woman who went up against killers every day and yet her she was running back to her father like a scared little girl but she had no idea what else she could do so that was the plan she was going with.

Finally after what felt like hours a taxi pulled up to the curb and she got inside. She gave the driver the address of her father's building and they were off. About fifteen minutes latter she was standing outside of the door to her father's apartment, soaked from head to toe, and with a suitcase in her hand. On any other day she would have worried about how bad this would look, but today things really were that bad. Timidly she raised her hand and knocked on her father's door,a few seconds later Jim Beckett answered the door and was greeted by the sight of his daughter looking in worse she then he had seen her since her mother had been murdered.

"Katie,what's wrong. Did Richard Castle take a turn for the worse of something?" He asked with concern showing all other his face. At that moment Castle dying was the only thing he could think of that would cause his daughter to show up on his doorstep looking in such rough shape.

"Oh Dad." Kate said with tears in her eyes as she stepped into the apartment and placed her suitcase on the floor to the right of the door. Jim Beckett could tell what his daughter needed,so he leaned in and gave her a hung and hung onto her, after a few second she returned the hug and then pulled away and looked into his eyes. She had stopped crying but something was still wrong, finally she answered his question. "No Castle is fine and getting better as far as I know." She said with a sniff.

Jim side stepped her for a moment to close the door and then turned back to face his daughter. "Well what has gone wrong then, I would thing that would make you happy?" He asked.

"It does" Kate said looking down at the wood floor. "But I really screwed up and I may have wrecked my life."

"It can't be that bad." Jim said hugging her again.

"It is this time." Kate replied just barely hold her tears in check.

"Katie you are soaked." Jim observed as he pulled back from her. "Why don't you go to the bathroom and change. I'll put on some coffee and then you can meet me on the couch and tell me all about it. Okay?"

"Okay." Kate said and she managed a small smile. Just being in the same apartment as her dad was helping so she picked up her suit case and headed for the bathroom.

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It was about an hour and many tears and hugs as well as two mugs of coffee later when Kate finally finished telling her father everything that had happened. He asked a few questions here and there but he mostly just listened up until she told him her plan to deal with everything.

"I think that is a good idea." He said at last looking at his daughter who was sitting to his right holding her almost empty coffee mug on the old couch in his living room. "You could use some time to decompress."

"Yeah plus it may be my last taste of free air for a few years." Beckett said as she forced out a bitter laugh.

"i don't think you will have to worry about going to jail" Jim said trying to comfort his daughter. "Youd didn't find out about Montgomery until the night he died and after that you were in shock. If they do try it I know some good defense attorneys who owe my favor and they will make mince meat out of them!" Jim became angry as he said the last part. He would never tell his daughter because he didn't want to add to her problems but the anger he was directing at the police at the moment was really there because of what he had just heard about Montgomery. Unlike his daughter he thought the bastard had gotten off easy,if he had done the right thing years ago his wife would still be alive and he would never forgive him for that. Still he knew voicing these thoughts would only distress his daughter so instead he focused the anger he could not control on the police department that had stabbed her in the back.

"Maybe I deserve to be in jail. After all Castle got shot and it was all my fault." Kate said quietly,not daring to look her father in the eye.

Jim Beckett sighed and thought for a second and then he realized that the only way to absolve his daughter of guilt in this matter was to come clean with a secret that he had hoped to take to his grave because he knew she would hate him once he told her about it. Still it was the only way to help his little girl and he had hurt her enough in his life so he took a deep breath and then in a guilty tone he spoke. "No Katie,it's not your fault at all. It's mine."

Kate looked up at him shocked. "What do you mean it's yours?! You had nothing to do with this!" She stated.

"Yes I did." Jim said with another sad sigh. "A few days before the funeral I went to visit him in his home and I told him he had dug up this case again and now he needed to stop you from getting hurt because of it. I told him he was the only one you would listen to so it was his job to stop you from going down the rabbit hole again." Jim confessed.

Kate's only response was to stand up slowly and walk to the other side of the room and stare at the bookcase without looking at her father once. Jim gave his daughter the time that he knew she needed but after about five minutes of no one saying anything he finally spoke up. "Katie please say something." He pleaded with her.

Kate turned around there was fire in her eyes. "You interfered in my life! I am a grown woman and I was working a case and you told Castle that he had to stop me from doing my job?! How dare you!" She yelled.

"I had to protect you." Jim said as a way of explaining.

"Well guess what you lost the right to protect me when you abandoned my for drink after mom died! You are the one who forced me to grow up fast so you lost the right to treat me as your child when you did that!" Beckett shot back and he face was turning red.

Jim's response was to just look away,the barb about his drinking had hurt him and it showed that his daughter had lost all faith in him and didn't care if she caused him pain. What was more he knew she was right and that she would never forgive him.

"Because of you Castle may never walk again and his daughter is crying by his bedside! You don't only wrecked my life but her's as well!" Beckett continued to yell as she stormed off towards the front door. "I will tell you something else! I don't need you or Castle to take care of me or tell me what I should or should not do. This is my life and from now on I want you to stay out of it!" With that Beckett stormed out of the apartment slamming the door behind her.

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Kate was crying as she walked slowly down one street after another. Thankfully it had stopped raining, still the sky was overcast and at least that fit her mood. She had no idea what she was going to do,now she could count the last of her family as another thing she had lost. Still she would not forgive her father,he had not been there when she needed him and now he had gilt tripped Castle into stepping in from of a bullet. With his over the top sense of melodrama Castle must have decided that he had to die for her after that talk. She knew he tended to project his emotions onto other too so he most likely started thinking about how he would feel if he lost Alexis and decided he would not let her father go through that same pain. She would never forgive her father for trying to take control where he was not needed and putting those ideas in Castle's head.

Beckett had no idea where to go at this point. It seemed like no one needed her and there was no one she could trust. She knew one thing she didn't even want to see Castle. For one thing he had lied to her,he had acted like it was his idea to come over and try to talk her out of going after her mom's case but now she knew the truth, he only did that out of guilt. It did explain one thing, she had been expecting him to say that he loved her but he hadn't. Beckett could not understand why he had not said anything but now it was clear, he didn't love her. Everything he had done he had done out of guilt, he was the one who opened her mom's case so now the only reason he had been stay around and he jumped in front of a bullet was because he felt guilty about reopening the case. Beckett couldn't believe how stupid she had been. She had started to fall for him and now she knew he did not return her feelings. Well it didn't matter, she was not a cop any more so there was no reason for her to ever see him again and that sat well with her, it would mean that she could get on with her life.

"Get on with her life", what did that even mean now? Her job defined her but she didn't have that, so she would have to find something else to do. Maybe she would go back to law school and get her degree, she could not honor her mother by getting justice for her any more but maybe she could honor her memory by following the dream she always had for her daughter of Kate following in her footsteps and becoming a great lawyer. She could become a prosecutor, if charges were not pressed against her maybe she could get a job at the DA's office and put murderers behind bars that way. It was clear the new captain would never let her be a cop again. The best she could hope for was that she would stay out of jail and that she had not wasted too much of her life being a cop to make a name for herself as a lawyer.

"Wasted her life being a cop." Beckett did not like the sound of that. She had made a difference as a cop and been there for the victims and she had always seen herself spending the rest of her life as a detective,not some paper pusher who worked a safe office job and had to worry about politics. She wanted to be out on the streets every day, helping people. A lot of cops didn't care about victims and their families but she did and she needed to help them. Still that was not an option any more and she had made her own bed and she had to sleep in it as best she could. She could still get justice for victims as a lawyer,it would just be harder and would not be as personal, but she could do it. She knew she could make this work. So now she had a plan and a reason to fight the charges, she couldn't go to jail or get a black mark on her record that would keep her from passing the bar. Beckett felt herself calming and for the first time that day she had a sense of hope and she had some idea where her life was going. It wasn't perfect and it was not what she wanted but she had a goal and that meant she could start making plans and start working. Suddenly she could handle her life again. Kate Beckett was back and in control, she could do this.

Kate Beckett the cop was gone and Kate Beckett the hard nosed prosecutor who put crooks behind bars no matter what and gave a voice to victims in the court room was about to be born. It had taken a long time but her life had come full circle and she was back at the places she had been before her mother died. Maybe this was how her life was meant to be and everything else had been a detour and now it was back on track for the first time? She didn't believe in fate but it was hard not to feel like this was all part of a larger plan.

As Kate made her way back into her building much sooner then she thought she would before she felt content. Not,happy but content and an odd peace was descending on her for the first time in about two weeks. She finally felt like she was in control of her own life again and it felt good. She wouldn't need other people watching her back so she would not be putting anyone in danger and she could still do important work. It may not have been work she liked but she was sure she could bring herself to love it if she tried hard and even if she didn't she would still be helping people. It would take a lot of hard work to make this happen but she could do it because she was Kate Beckett and if there was one thing she was not afraid of it was hard work. With no relationships she could focus all her energy on the task in front of her which meant she could not fail.

Beckett entered her apartment and decided to take a bath. It had been a long hard day and she felt the need to relax but not because of depression any more. Everything she had gone through was worth it because she now knew exactly how her life would play out and there would not be any messy personal relationships or dead bodies at three in the morning to get in the way. Her life was back on track for the first time in fourteen years.

**Well there is chapter four. Sorry it took so long but I got blocked when it came to writing the Kate/Jim scene and it took me forever to get that down. Don't worry Beckett is not leaving the story and there will be interactions between her and Castle. I know it seems a little hopeless right now but this is going somewhere. The next chapter will start to tone down the angst a bit. I didn't like putting it in this chapter but I didn't see a way to avoid it without writing Beckett out of character so I had to do what I did. I'll try to have the next chapter up tomorrow. I know some of you are not happy with the angst but please hang in there it will be dying down in the next chapter. **

**Oh and the response to the last chapter was amazing. A lot of your reviews and Pms were extremely helpful and helped me fix the chapter and make this one better so thank you all so much. You guys are the best.**

**Thanks for taking the time to read and please leave a review.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

By the time she had finished her bath Kate Beckett was feeling as close as she could feel to being relaxed. Her life was still full of problems but she thought she had found a way to get away from them all. Once she got away from everything and everyone who reminded her of her problems she would feel better she was sure of it and after all it wasn't like she had ever done anyone else any good, even if they didn't know it at the time people would be better off with out her and if the sniper ever came back her life would be the only one in danger.

Beckett had decided that tomorrow morning she would take the first step towards her new life,she would resign from the NYPD. It would look better then if she was fired. A small part of Beckett's mind questioned if talking this new direction with her life was really what she wanted to do. After all she hated politics and yet here she was before she even had the job playing politics. She was now more worried about how things looked then the truth. Beckett pushed that part down and forced it behind a wall by telling herself this was the only way forward and her mother would be proud of her for taking this action. It didn't mater if she liked it or not, she would change what she liked if that was what was required in order to move forward with her life.

Beckett's thoughts were interrupted by her phone buzzing in her pocket, she picked it up and saw that she had received a text message from Alexis. With everything else that had happened in such a short space of time Beckett had forgotten that she had promised to return to the hospital that morning. She briefly wondered if she should even look at the text, after all given how badly she had messed up her own life she didn't think she had the right to try and tell someone else what to do with their own life and Alexis would most likely want advice from her. Still that thought only lasted a split second, she had to at least let Alexis know she was alright and why she was leaving before she left so she opened the text.

_Kate sorry to bother you at work but as soon as you get off please come back to the hospital, I need you badly. _The message seemed to plead with her.

Beckett was not sure going back to the hospital was such a good idea, after all if she had some kind of breakdown she would just add to the young redhead's stress not detract from it. Then she remembered her conversation with her father, and how she had vented all of her hurt over how she had lost him in her moment of need to drink. Alexis may not have been her child but if Alexis lost her to her new life in her moment of need would she really be any better? Finally for the first time in her life she really understood what her father had gone through when her mother died and she began to think that maybe she had been a little unfair to him and had said something she should not have in a moment of rage. Still that could not be her focus at the moment, she had made a promise and she had to keep it. She couldn't let herself breakdown or run. Alexis needed her and that had to be a good enough reason to return to the hospital no matter how painful it was. She was Kate Beckett and she didn't abandon people in need no mater how hard it was for her to help them. She knew the pain of being left behind and she would not do that to Alexis. Alexis Castle was the sweetest, most caring teenage girl she had ever known and she deserved better so Beckett would be better to help her. She picked up her phone and text Alexis letting her know that she was on her way.

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It was about twenty minutes later when Beckett stepped off the elevator onto the floor Castle's hospital room was on. She had to show her ID to two police officers who were standing guard in front of the door before they would let her walk down the hall. They had been assigned to guard Castle after his first day in the hospital and Beckett was relieved that Gates had not pulled them off of guard duty. She knew that the assassin must know Castle was alive and she didn't want whoever it was to get a second chance to get to Castle.

Beckett had not gone more then halfway down the hall towards Castle's room when she heard footsteps rapidly approaching her, she looked up just in time to see Alexis running towards her and a second later the young redhead slammed into her and grabbed her in a hug, holding on for dear life. Beckett stopped in her tracks at that point and the next thing she noticed was that Alexis was sobbing uncontrollably. Suddenly Beckett felt extremely guilty. What kind of person was she becoming? She had gone off and left Alexis all day when she needed her. What kind of person left a teenage girl to fend for herself just so they could spend a day wallowing in self pity? Yes she had been in shock and thrown into a state of complete depression because the affects of all the events of the past two weeks had come crashing down on her all at once but that was no excuse. She knew this pain and she would never forgive herself for leaving Alexis to face it on her own. At that moment as she looked down at the redhead who was soaking her blouse with tears she decided that no mater what else happened her days of running from pain were over. The one thing that was more painful then facing her pain and starting over was seeing how she had hurt Alexis and she could not change the events of the day but she could make sure it never happened again. She didn't care if Castle didn't love her, this was bigger then that now. No matter what happened to Castle she knew she had to be there for Alexis or she would never forgive herself.

Beckett placed her right hand on Alexis' head and began hugging her gently, all she could think to do was hold on to the girl and mutter "I'm sorry.' over and over again until she calmed down. After about seven minutes Alexis stopped crying and looked up at Beckett when she did Beckett's heart broke all over again. Alexis' eyes were puffy with red circles around them from crying so hard and all she could do was sniff. Still Beckett could not let her own pain show, this was about Alexis and she needed to be strong for the girl.

"What has happened?" Beckett asked calmly but inside she feared the worst.

"It's dad" Alexis said rubbing her nose with the left hand sleeve of her shirt. "He has started to wake up but he is not fully awake yet and he seems to be having some kind of nightmare." Alexis explained. "He is thrashing about with his arms and head in his sleep. The doctors don't want to sedate him again because it will mean waiting longer for him to wake up and run the tests so they have him tied down right now. Grams and I have done everything we can to calm him down since they say he may be able to hear us but nothing is helping."

"What can I do to help?" Beckett asked, she couldn't think for the life of her how she would help but she would do anything Alexis told her. She had to make up for her actions today.

"Can you go in there and talk to him?" Alexis asked desperately.

"Why would my being in there help when your being in there didn't?" Beckett questioned puzzled.

"Because he keeps calling out for you." Alexis explained bluntly. "I know it will be hard but can you please try?" She pleaded.

"Okay I will try." Beckett said a moment later. "Where is Martha?" She asked.

"She went to get some food in the cafeteria." Alexis answered simply.

"Okay." Beckett said and she could tell the girl need a break so she decided she would pluck up all her courage and go into Castle's room alone. "Why don't you go and join her while I check on your dad." She said.

"Are you sure that is okay?" Alexis asked.

"Yes I am."

"Okay." Was the only answer Alexis could muster after such a long day and then she turned and headed for the elevator.

Beckett took a few moments to compose herself and then took a deep breath and stepped into the room. What Beckett saw shocked her to the core. Castle looked worse then before only now his head was thrashing around as much as it could and he was muttering "Beckett" over and over. Beckett's first instinct was to run but she would not allowed herself to do that. She instead walked over and sat down in the chair beside his bed and began to speak in a soothing tone.

"Caste, I am here and I am alright. You need to calm down and wake up I am so sorry I got you shot. Please just calm down." She pleaded and instantly he seemed to calm so she went a step farther and reached down for his right hand which was tied down at the moment and gripped it tightly in her own hand. She was shocked by how cold it felt but she refused to let go and then she spoke again. "Do you feel that Castle?" she asked forcefully. "That is my hand. I am here and I am not going anywhere."

That is when she heard them, the words she had been too shocked to think about, the words that were too powerful for her to handle on top of everything else, the words she could not believe he had said because she had not felt them about herself in a long time, the words that she had convinced herself he had never said and had been all in her head, he was now whispering them gently repeatedly. "Kate I love you."

Beckett was shocked and had to look up at his face and when she did she saw a sight that made her heart heart both leap for joy and clench in fear, Castle's eyes flew open. Castle was awake and the first thing he said in a harsh whisper was "Kate I am so glad you are okay, I love you so much."

This caused Beckett's mouth to fall open in shock. Her whole life had changed today in more ways then one.

**Sorry this chapter was so short but I wanted to get you people out of some of your suspense since you have all been so good. I know a lot of you were not happy about what I did with Beckett in the last two chapters well I hope this chapter makes up for that. There is a story reason why I needed to do what I did with Beckett and I have to warn you not everything is going to be rainbows from her on out but they are starting on the right path. The action should kick in during the next three chapters or so and Castle has a long road ahead of him. Thanks for sticking with me and reviewing. The negative reviews have been very helpful as the did a good job explaining what you didn't like and why. You guys are the best and I will try to have the next chapter up tomorrow. **

**As always thanks for reading and please leave a review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Kate Beckett rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she stood up, she had been sitting in a folding chair outside of Richard Castle's hospital room for about six hours and at some point she had fallen asleep. She had been awakened by the sound of Alexis Castle telling her that Castle had talked her and her grandmother into going home and getting a good night's sleep in a real bed for the first time in a week. This was fine with Beckett since she and Castle needed to talk and she would rather not have anyone around while they did so.

Beckett still could not decide what she was going to say to Castle. He had told her repeatedly how he felt but was it a good idea for her to tell him how she felt? She was still gripped by depression and what it could make her do without thinking scared her. There was also the fact that her every instinct was telling her to run and it was taking all of her self control to remain where she was. Then there was the fact that she knew if she jumped in this would be for the rest of her life. There was no way either of them could handle it if things went bust, was she really read to choose who she would be with for the rest of her life? Also he had been shot and there was a good chance he would never walk again, could she handle being in a relationship with someone who would need as much help and support as Castle would, she could barely take care of herself. Finally there was the fact that she was not the woman he had fallen in love with any more, she was no long Kate Becket the tough cop, she was Kate Beckett the lost woman who would be fighting an uphill battle to get a law degree and get a job at the DA's office. Castle had not signed up for that. Could any healthy relationship start in such a way and how was she supposed to know if it would last?

She didn't have any answers for these questions so she decided that the only thing to do was go into the room and talk to Castle and see where the conversation led. She didn't like not knowing what she would do or having a plan but it was either go with the flow or run and she had told him she was not going anywhere. She really had to stop making promises she was not sure she could keep. Still she had made the promise so there was nothing else to do but live up to it. So she took a breath to calm herself, put on her best game face,and stepped into the room.

Castle at least looked a little better. He was propped up into a sitting position in the bed and was no longer tied down. He still had tubes coming out of him and he was way too pail but he was awake and alert so that was a huge improvement over the past week. He looked unsure of himself and Beckett wished she knew what to say to bring the smile back that somehow managed to always lift her spirits but what can you say to someone who may never walk again to make them smile? Beckett had no idea so she instead settled for walking over to the chair next to his bed and sitting down.

"Hey" Was all Beckett could bring herself to say as she sat down but she forced a half smile onto her face in a weak attempt to cheer Castle up.

"Alexis told me what you did this past week,thanks." Castle said turning his head to face her and then he added. "You don't have to stay I will be okay. I am sure Josh doesn't like all this time you are spending with me."

This confused Beckett, didn't he want her to stay? Did he even remember what he had said to her? Did he mean it or did he only say it because of how guilty he felt? He had refused to use the words before so now which was the way he truly felt? Beckett had almost convinced herself to tell him how she felt but now she couldn't stand the thought of him not returning her feelings, she was in no shape to take a rejection like that after the day she had so instead she picked a neutral topic.

"The doctors did a lot of tests on you when you woke up, do they know anything?" She asked trying not to get too emotional.

"They said it's a fifty fifty shot if the damage will heal, but either way I will be in a wheelchair for at least a year." He said with a heavy sigh and turned away from Beckett's gaze.

"How are you doing with that?" Beckett asked timidly and she wanted to reach out and touch him but she was not sure if he would want her to so she kept herself under control.

"To tell the truth I don't think it has sunk in yet." Castle admitted and his voice was just above a whisper. "I Mean I can't feel anything below my waist and my whole life feels like it is over but I think the shock and the pain meds that are making me feel kind of loopy are keeping it from really sinking in. I guess whenever I get out of here will be when it starts to feel real and I have no idea how I will deal with it then."

This frank admission of just how frail and unsure of himself he was broke Beckett's heart and a single tear ran down her cheek as she turned and looked at the floor. What had she done? Would it be any wonder if he couldn't love her after what she did to him? All she could do was mutter "I'm sorry." in a voice that was so quiet Castle almost couldn't hear it, she sounded like a scared child at that moment.

"Don't be sorry." Castle said forcefully and Beckett looked up and saw a cold fire in his eyes that she had only seen before when someone he loved was in danger or an injustice made him angry and determined to set things right. "This is no one's fault but the person who pulled the trigger and no matter what happens I do not regret jumping in front of that bullet, I love you and I know I wouldn't have made it if you had died. This was my choice and I did it for no other reason then I love you so don't you dare blame yourself!"

Beckett was in a sense of shock but also strangely relief, she always thought she would be overwhelmed if she knew for sure how Castle felt and she was but there was also a part of her that felt relief at having everything finally made clear. There was no more room for doubt, no more room for confusion, everything was crystal clear to her for the first time since she had pulled this maddening man into an interview room three years ago. Now all she had to do was figure out how she felt and if acting on those feelings was a good idea.

When Beckett looked up at Castle at last her mind was made up for her, there was guilt in his eyes and he spoke quietly. "The only thing I regret is that I seem to have added to the burden you carry every day. You are the most remarkable woman I have ever known and you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and I am sorry I added to that. Please don't let this keep you from having a life, You deserve to be happy even if it isn't with me. Please go and live your life."

By the time Castle finished speaking there were tears forming in the corner of his eyes and Beckett couldn't think of any words that could make them go away. Castle was the one with all the words, she was a woman of action so she decided to take some, she leaned in and captured a very shocked Castle's mouth in a forceful kiss. At first Castle was too shocked to react and then much to Beckett's dismay he used both of his arms to push her off of him.

"I can't do this." He said and Beckett was now the one on the verge of tears. Of course he could not, this was all too much too fast and it was a stupid idea. Castle saw the confusion and fear in her face so he spoke quickly and explained. "Meredith cheated on me and it nearly destroyed me so as much as I would love for this to continue, I can't do that to someone else. As much as I want you I know we would both regret it if we started with you cheating on Doctor motorcycle boy."

Oh now so many things made sense to Beckett. No wonder he wouldn't say anything before the shooting, He would never risk causing someone the same pain he had been through. It was the same as her not being able to leave Alexis, a good person can't put someone else through the most painful thing they had ever been through in their life. She knew there was no love lost between Castle and Josh but even with all that he still cared about other people too much to hurt someone he didn't really like even if it gave him a shot at the thing he wanted most out of life. Now there was an overwhelming thought that Beckett was not sure she was ready for yet, the idea that she was the thing he wanted most out of life. Still she had crossed the Rubicon and there was no going back, a huge part of her still wanted to run but deep down she knew that would kill him and her slowly. Sure they would both still be alive but they would be lost to the world in their own pain and whatever lay ahead she suddenly became sure they would need each other to deal with it so she did the only thing she could do she learned in close to Castle and whisper in a husky voice full of sorrow and desire. "We broke up before the shooting." Then she pulled Castle into another kiss that was even more passionate then the first and this time Castle returned the kiss as best as he could in his current condition.

They were both so lost in the moment and all the pure joy and fear that filled it that they did not notice a male nurse who was walking past the room who stopped and took a picture with his cellphone camera. He then made his way to the elevator and once he was alone he sent the picture to a contact number on his phone along with a text message.

_Cover established. Both Targets in same location. Proceeding with operation._

**Well that was chapter six. Sorry again that it was late and short but I wrote it out once and it didn't feel right or in character so I deleted it and rewrote the story after watching some season three episodes. The dialog just didn't feel right to me and for one thing Beckett ran away at one point and needed Lanie to sort her out before going back to Castle and I don't know that may have been in character but it felt a little too much like beating a dead horse at this point. I may have to go back in and make major edits to this chapter because I am not sure of it at all. Please let me know what you think and if you think it is out of character or something needs to be changed please leave a review or PM explaining why. **

**Okay I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Thanks for reading and please leave a review. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Kate Beckett could not believe it she was actually kissing Richard Castle and it wasn't to distract thugs! She may have started the kiss but she still found it hard to believe. She had spent so much time convincing herself that it was a bad idea and truth be told when they first met it would have been, that now that it was finally happening she had a hard time believing it was real and it was not just another dream that she would wake up from at two in the morning. Still the longer she kissed him the more of her inhibitions dropped away and the less she wanted to stop, in fact at this moment the part of her brain that wanted to run had pretty much shut down and she wanted to go much farther then just kissing but she knew they couldn't in a hospital bed. Still she was disappointed when Castle reached up and forced her to stop.

"We have to stop." He grunted out and Beckett could tell that thankfully he was just as turned on as she was.

"What is the matter am I too much for you to handle old man?" Beckett teased with a smirk.

"You just wait until I get out of this bed and then I will show you who is too much to handle." Castle retorted and for a moment he forgot just how badly he was hurt or how much his life was going to change because of it. Beckett leaned down to kiss Castle again but he grounded out and a look of pain shot over his face.

"Castle are you alright?" Beckett asked concerned as she pulled back.

"I'm fine." Castle winced as a sharp pain once again shot through his body. "It's just that I still have some feeling down there and they put a chathiter in me and I am getting little excited." He explained sheepishly.

"Castle I am so sorry, I didn't think of that!" Beckett said standing up and reaching for the nurse call button.

"You don't need to call anyone." Castle injected quickly, the fewer people knew about this the happier he would be. "But would you mind if we just talked for a while?"

"Sure." Beckett replied as she sat back down in the chair and looked over at her "boyfriend?". Was that what he really was? They had only been together for about five minutes and yet the description seemed to go too far and not far enough at the same time when it came to defining their relationship. Maybe "partner" was a better term, after all it was always how Castle had described them. Yes, she decided she liked "partner" a lot better. She wasn't the best when it came to talking and at the moment the idea filled her with fear and she would much rather be showing him how she felt but he had taken a bullet for her and he was in pain so she could force herself to talk to him about something real , even if it did scare the hell out of her. Still she could not resist one last tease. "But once you get out of her you had better be ready to make it up to me."

"That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about." Castle said with a sigh and Beckett couldn't remember seeing him this unsure of himself and frightened since he had told her he was digging into her mother's case without permission. "There is no judgment here and I want you to think hard before you answer this question. There is a chance I will be in this wheelchair for the rest of my life and that means I will not be as active as you need me to be, will you be okay with that?"

Beckett had to look away while she thought about this. Logically she had known since she had first heard from Doctor Baker that there was a good chance of this but hearing it put into words by Castle made it all too real. If she went any farther she could be signing up for a life time of helping him get in and out of bed, helping him clean himself up, while it may seem harsh to think so selfishly the truth had to be faced that there sex life would not be as active as she had always dreamed it would be. That was a lot to take it. Still she had to thing about it because if she jumped in after this and then found it was too much to handle she knew it would break him, so if she couldn't handle it she needed to figure it out and break things off now. Then the even scarier thought of what he would be like after he was taken off the pain meds that were keeping him mellow crossed her mind. Could she deal with him when he was depressed, what if he lashed out at her at some point and blamed her for his condition, could she handle that.

Beckett was now scared to death and was on the verge of running and then she lifted up her head and caught site of his face, he wasn't looking at her either. She could tell he was try to keep his emotions under control and keep his face neutral so she wouldn't feel pressured one way or the other. The fact that he was willing to let her break his heart just so she could avoid being unhappy caused her own heart to hammer in her chest like a drum at a death metal concert.

Beckett then thought back to all the things that had made her fall for this man in the first place and when she took the time to think about them she surprised herself. Yes it had started out as a mere physical attraction and she had been tempted to take up his offer of a one night stand and just get it out of her system but now she was glad she hadn't. She had gotten to know him and he had not been a shallow as she had fault and the things about him that made her kiss him had not nothing to do with his physical condition. She was still attracted to him but it had gone beyond that quickly and she didn't even notice. He was a good father, much better then a playboy like him had any right to be. He was kind and always seemed to be looking for things he could do to help people. While she knew at first he was just trying to make her think he was a good person at some point he had changed and he had become the better person that at first he was just trying to act like. He felt for the victims and their families but he still tried to pick her spirits up when they were working a hard case instead of giving in to his own feelings of depression. He was always there for the ones that he loved, he didn't have to go to LA with her and it would have been easy for him to have pretended that he had never dug into her mother's case but he didn't he told her because he loved her. They nearly died in a freezer holding each other and still he didn't say a word when she went off with Josh because her being happy was more important to him then his being happy. Beckett asked herself if she could make the same claim. Looking at his face again the answer came back "yes". She didn't care if it meant her life didn't go as planned at this moment, he had helped make her life worth living again instead of it being a mere existence and for some reason she could not understand she seemed to do the same for him. Despite all the hardships that were still ahead she knew one thing for certain, she wanted to be with this man for the rest of her life and she didn't care if he could walk or not, or if he put on weight, or even if he got moody and angry sometimes. Was this love? She was not sure because she had never felt this strongly about anyone before but she decided she couldn't live with herself if she gave into fear and walked away and she needed Castle to know that.

Beckett didn't know how to put these thoughts into words but she decided she had to try so she took a breath and then she spoke calmly and clearly. "Castle look at me." Castle turned his head and she looked deep into his blue eyes so she could make it clear that she meant every word she was about to say.

"Castle I don't care about any of that. None of that is what makes you my partner. I don't care how hard it is, you are it for me and I am not leaving you."

"But Kate..." Castle objected using her first name, something he rarely did. "You are letting yourself in for a life of hardship, how can you live with that?"

"How could she live with that?" This question made Beckett angry and her eyes filled with a heat that was normally only directed at New York's most hardened killers. "How can you even ask me that!" She demanded and before Castle could answer she continued. "Would you have left me if our positions were reversed?!"

"No but you deserve better then a cripple." Castle objected.

"Well did it ever cross your mind that I think you deserve better then me?! I am an emotional cripple and riddled with issues that you always have to push me to talk about. It seems to me someone as open as she deserves someone he doesn't have to force to open up every time they have a problem!"

Castle sighed and then looked away from her for a second and when he spoke his voice was just above a whisper. "I guess I just can't understand why you would want to be with someone like me when you could have someone like Josh or Demming."

"Because I love you,moron!" Beckett yelled and as she stood up and stormed out of the room,she didn't intend to leave for long but she needed a walk to cool down. She couldn't understand how Castle could ask her to do any less for him then he would do for her. What more could she do to prove she was in this all the way? Suddenly she had an idea she would have to leave the hospital but she figured that would be okay. She turned back to say goodbye to Castle but when she looked she saw that he had fallen asleep with his head on his chest, the meds must have put him under. He was snoring loudly and part of Beckett flinched at this, so this was what she was in for for the rest of her life? Well she could live with it. It would be a small price to pay if it meant being with someone she had such controllable feelings for.

Beckett didn't want Castle to think she had run off if he woke up and she was not there so she scanned the room and on the small off white plastic table on the left hand side of his bed she spotted a pen and a pad of paper next to a Giddeon Bible that had been left there. She picked up a piece of paper and began to right on it.

_Castle I care about you more then anyone in my life. I care about you the same way you care about me,I need you to understand this. I am not running away, I will be her for you no matter what. There is something I need to take care of but as the terminator says "I'll be back." _

Beckett smiled to herself after she wrote that last line, Castle had a way even when he was asleep of bringing out her fun side even when she was kind of mad at him. She gently placed the piece of paper under Castle's left hand so he couldn't miss it if he woke up and then she turned and left the room. What she was about to do may be the stupidest, most impulsive thing she had done since getting a tattoo for no other reason then her father had told her she couldn't have one but she knew she wanted to do it,she just had to get the pieces in place for the morning.

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In the sewers underneath the hospital there ran an old rusty gas pipe that needed constant maintenance in order to keep it from becoming a danger to the city.

What looked like a city utility work was working on the pipe at that moment. He secured a metallic gray coloured substance that had the consistency of silly putty to the pipe.

Sticking out of this substance was a short black antenna. Etched onto this substance was the letter C followed by the number 4.

**Well that is Chapter seven, I hop you like it. All your feedback has been amazing, thanks a bunch and please continue to leave it. Every review and PM is very helpful. I am aware that the last few chapters need to be edited and I will try to get to that today.**

**Thanks for read and please let me know what you think.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Kate Beckett had not been thinking clearly when she left the hospital, this was something that was rapidly becoming a bad habit for her. By the time she got back to the hospital about three hours after she left visiting hours were over and she was not allowed to go up to see Castle. If she had still been a cop she would have tried using her badge to get past the red tape but it was with some frustration that she remembered her badge was now locked in Gates' desk. So after giving the nurse at the front desk a piece of her mind she had no choice but to return home. Still it was not all bad, she got her first full night of sleep in her own bed in weeks. Still when Beckett woke up she couldn't wait to get back to the hospital so she quickly showered and changed her clothes and then picking up her overnight bag that had something very special in it she headed out of her apartment door locking it behind her, unsure of when she would return.

When Beckett got to the hospital she had to wait outside of Castle's room while a group of nurses changed his sheets and cleaned him up, it seemed that when he couldn't get up on his own to go to the bathroom accidents were bound to happen. The waiting only added to Beckett's frustration and nervousness. Then to add insult to injury while she couldn't hear every word being said in the room she could tell that the nurses were flirting with Castle and instead of telling them to shut up he was being his normal charming self. This did not make Beckett a happy camper when she was finally allowed in to see Castle.

"Hey, I missed you." Castle said as she entered the room.

"Really? Because you seem to have plenty of company." Beckett replied rolling her eyes.

"Kate are you jealous of my nurses?" Castle asked and his mouth took on a cocky half smirk that Beckett didn't much care for.

"No, I am just saying they were behaving in a very unprofessional manor is all." Beckett said defensively.

"So relationship Beckett is an extremely jealous woman, I will have to remember this in future." Castle said thoughtfully and Beckett could see there was no winning this argument and it would only make him more cocky if she tried so she changed topics.

"Aren't you going to ask me what is in the bag?" Beckett asked holding up her overnight bag for Castle to see.

"Okay, what's in the bag?" Castle asked deciding that it was best to comply with Beckett's wishes for the moment, after all she could tease him too and make it very painful for him and there wasn't much he could do about it while he was confined to a hospital bed.

"Clothes." Beckett answered cheekily as she made her way over and sat down in the small reclining chair by Castle's bed.

"Why?" Castle asked puzzled.

"Because I am not leaving here until you do." Beckett stated simply.

"You don't have to do that, you have a life to get back to." Castle said with a sigh.

"Don't you dare say anything like that again!" Beckett responded and she was back to feeling the same anger she had the night before. "You are my life. You have stood by me through every thing. Hell we have nearly died together more then once so don't you dare tell me I shouldn't be here!"

"I am sorry." Castle said with a sigh looking down at his legs. "I guess I just don't understand why you would want to sign up for this as your future." He said as he pointed to his useless legs with his right hand.

"I want to show you something." Beckett said and she reached into her bag and pulled out a rather large photo album with a floral pattern on it's cover and opened it up almost exactly to the middle and placed it in Castle's lap for him to see.

Castle slowly raised his eyes and looked at the photos within. Judging by the clothes they all seemed to have been taken in the 80s and were slightly faded. Castle didn't recognize anyone in the photos at first but they seemed to be taken at several different family gatherings from what Castle could tell, finally Castle saw someone who must have been a young Jim Beckett and then he saw a little girl in various dresses who must have been detective Kate Beckett as a child, she was cute kid Castle thought but he would never be stupid enough to tell Beckett that. Everyone seemed to be laughing and having fun and at the center of each of the photos was an older man who looked to be in his early sixties and was dressed slightly out of date when compared to the rest of the people in the photos. He was slightly overweight, had black slicked back hair, was wearing a old style dark suit the kind that were in fashion in the 1950s, but the thing Castle noticed most about the man was that he was in a wheelchair.

"That is my great uncle Henry." Beckett explained pointing to the man. Castle wasn't sure what her point was so he just swallowed and let her continue. "He was confined to a wheelchair from the time he was twenty-seven until the day he died after he got hit by a car. All the kids loved him because he was one of the happiest people I ever met and he loved kids. Here he is reading Sherlock Holmes to us." Beckett said as she pointed to a picture of all the kids stilling on the floor in a circle looking up at what looked to be a very excited Henry reading from a book. "He is the reason I fell in love with mystery novels at a young age, so in a way I have him to thank for bringing us together." Beckett explained gently.

"I don't see what this has to do with us." Castle said softly. "You are not a child and I am not your uncle Henry"

"Take a closer look at the photos and tell me what you see in every one of them." Beckett said pointing at one of the photos. Castle took a look and it only took him a second to notice in all the photos standing there beside or behind Henry was a woman who looked a few years younger then him with a broad smile on her face.

"That is my great aunt Sally." Beckett explained gently pointing at the woman. "She and my great uncle Henry were married for over fifty years and while things were not always easy for them they were very happy. So don't you dare tell me I have no idea what I am getting into or that it is not worth it!" Beckett said forcefully.

Beckett then looked up and saw a single tear making it's way down Castle's right check. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you and I should have respected your choices." Castle whispered.

"It's okay." Beckett soothed as she leaned over and cradled Castle's head to her shoulder. "You have had a big shock and you thought you were looking out for me but I need you to understand something. Leaving you would kill me so I don't care how hard it gets I have to be here, please never ask me to leave again.

"I promise." Castle said as he moved his head and looked up at her. Castle then moved his head forward as much as he could and captured Kate's lips in a sweet, gentle kiss. Beckett started to kiss him back and that is when she heard it, it was the sound of a throat being cleared.

"Are we interrupting something?" It was the clear voice of Martha Rodger, Castle's mother. Beckett's face flushed red with embarrassment and she quickly pulled back from Castle and sat down in her chair and tried to regain her composure. Castle quickly closed the photo album and handed it to her, he knew how private she was and that she most likely wouldn't want his mother to see her family photos, Beckett placed the photo album beside her chair and then when she looked up things got worse. Standing beside Martha was Alexis, who was looking somewhat uncomfortable herself.

"I'm sorry...This must come as a surprise to you and this isn't how we wanted you to find out." Beckett stammered and suddenly the detective who stood up to hardened killers daily found herself unable to meet the gazes of a teenage girl and an old woman.

"No it's isn't." Martha said and since Beckett wasn't looking at her she could not tell that the actress was smiling.

"I was more shocked that he took Gina with us last summer, I was sure you two had started dating in secret just before your apartment got bombed last year." Alexis stated simply.

This was so much worse then what Beckett had feared, she now placed her head in her hands and her face turned even more red. Had she been so stupid that she was the last one to see that she was in a relationship with Castle?!

"Oh come on dear, there is nothing to be ashamed of." Martha said as she walked over and placed a hand on Beckett's shoulder causing the younger woman to look up at her. "We are both happy for you, aren't we Alexis?" Martha said turning to look at her granddaughter.

"Yeah we are." Alexis said with a small smile and then she turned to look at her father. "Still just so you know after this you can't tease me about that time you caught me making out with Ashley any more."

"Alright." Castle said with a small laugh. He then turned his attention to the leather pouch that's long strap was slung over her shoulder. "Did you bring it?" He asked excitedly.

"Yep, I got your laptop and those dvds you asked for." Alexis said with a smile as she handed the container over to her father.

"Excellent." Castle said rubbing his hands together, he then turned to talk to Beckett. "Look I know you want to be here for me but I also understand that they will not give you time off of work just because I have been shot. So since Alexis and Mother are here why don't you go into work before you get into too much trouble. I promise I will be okay."

"About that." Beckett said as she turned her head away because she could not look any of them in the eyes as she said what she needed to say. She had been dreading this moment but she knew lying was not the way forward so she decided to just come out with it. "It looks like I may have lost my job."

"What?!" Everyone cried out at once.

Beckett then looked up at them and saw the shocked look on their faces and she knew she had to explain in detail. "I'll explain but this is hard for me so could you please not interrupt until I finish?" Beckett asked as her eyes pleaded for mercy. The three people in the room with her were too shocked to do anything other then nod their agreement with this plan. Beckett took a few breaths to calm herself and then began to slowly explain what had happened. She didn't like revealing it all to Castle's mother and daughter but she knew these people were going to be part of her family at some point so she didn't see the point in hiding anything from them. She decided to lesson the shock by telling them what her father said about it being unlikely that she would face criminal charges but she left out the part about how that meeting had ended in disaster, that part was between her and her father and no on else.

When Beckett finally finished she expected to get questions from Castle but instead she saw anger in his eyes. "I am thinking of a word that describes your new captain and it rhymes with witch." He said at last through clenched teeth.

"It wasn't her fault, even if she knew me I don't think she could have fought this." Beckett tried to explain.

"Do you think it would do any good if I talked to the mayor?" Castle asked, desperate for something to do.

"I don't think so, this is an internal police matter and I don't want to get special treatment just because of you." Beckett said as she looked over at Castle.

"Special treatment?!" Castle raged. "After everything you have done for this city they can overlook a small infraction like this!"

"Listen." Beckett said as she remained calm and she placed her hands on top of Castle's right hand. "I can't lie and say I am okay with this but deep down I knew there was a chance this would happen, I made my choice and I am fine with living with it." She then looked into Castle's eyes so he could see she didn't regret a thing. "Besides." She said with a smile. "As you said they would not have given me time off to be here with you and now I have all the time off I need."

"I guess but I still don't have to like it." Castle said with a sigh.

"Do you have any idea what you are going to do next?" Alexis asked coming up and giving Beckett a comforting hug. This shocked Kate since for the first time in over a week it was the girl comforting her and not the other way around.

"Yeah I am going to go back to law school and get a job in the DA's office. If I can't put murders behind bars one way I will do it another." She said forcing on a smile and releasing herself from the redhead's hug.

"That's the spirit, never say die!" Martha said enthusiastically.

"Maybe this will result in a new twist in the Nickie Heat books." Castle said excitedly. "I am sure you will be the best prosecutor this city has ever seen."

"Yeah the crooks will not even know what hit them!" Alexis agreed.

Suddenly for the first time in a long time Beckett felt happy, there was something about this family that had a way of picking her spirits up and making her feel glad she was alive even when her spirits were at their lowest. She had never really considered changing her name before but seeing all the love this messed up insane family had for her made her start thinking about it for the first time in her life. She knew they had a long way to go before they would be ready but for a split second she found herself looking forward to the day when she would join this happy family and wear the name like a badge of honor. Still she didn't feel like dwelling on these thoughts so she turned her mind to something more practical.

"Hold on I don't have the job yet." She said with a laugh. "I haven't even gotten the degree or passed the bar yet."

"For you it will be a piece of cake." Castle said with pride written all over his face.

"That may be but do you mind if we talk about something besides my life for a change?" She asked.

"Yeah I am the one who got shot, I should be the center of attention at this party." Castle said playfully.

"Okay Mister Center of attention, what do you want to do?" Beckett asked looking over at the man she was now one hundred percent sure she was in love with.

"I'll tell you what I want." Castle said as he opened his laptop and sat it down on his lap, He then pushed the button to open the disc drive. "Alexis hand me those Chuck dvds, I missed most of last season because I was working with future DA Beckett over here." This got a laugh from everyone and the family was so caught up in being happy they didn't notice the same male nurse who had walked past the room a day ago walk past again.

Once again he waited until he was alone in the elevator before typing out a text message.

_All targets present. _

A moment later a reply came.

_Get out now._

The nurse then hit the button for the lobby, he did not want to be anywhere near the building five minutes from now.

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Across the street from the hospital an old green pickup truck sat and in it watching the entrance of the hospital there sat a strong silent man with a mean square face. In his lap out of sight of the crowds he held what looked like a controller for a remote control car, it was in fact a detonator for a small explosive charge. Normally he would have used a cellphone as they were harder to trace but the signal of a cellphone would not reach all the way down to the explosives under the street. Still despite that he like this plan. He knew the targets were in the hospital and the gas pipes were old and in need of repair so no one would be able to prove that this wasn't just a tragic accident. Sure some people may suspect but there would be no proof, so that would not mean anything. It was a far better plan then using a sniper at a cop's funeral. Whatever idiot had thought of that needed to be skinned alive for being that stupid the man thought to himself.

At last he saw his partner exit the building and cross the street. This was it, time to end this thorn in their side once and for all. He calmly pulled the trigger on the detonator and set the small amount of C4 off.

**Sorry this chapter is a day late. I had to rework a few things in it and in my plan for future chapters. All of your feedback as been great but a special shout out goes to Caskettfan5, your feedback has been amazing and has helped me patch up several plot problems with this story. This story would not be what it is without you,thanks a bunch.**

**Thanks again to everyone who leaves a review.**

**Thank you so much for reading and see you next time.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

The man pulled the trigger on the detonator and the small charge of C-4 went off, However it did not produce the results he had expected. The truck burst into white hot flames all around him and the last thing he experienced in his life was the feeling of a piece of steel passing through his brain.

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Inside Castle's hospital room the occupants knew nothing of the events that had taken place outside. The explosion could be neither heard nor seen from Castle's room and the most they knew about it was a page that came over the intercom about some sort of emergency outside of the hospital but they didn't pay much attention to the page since it seemed to have nothing to do with them. It was about ten minutes after the event that Beckett got a call on her cellphone, checking the I.D she saw it was from Esposito so she stepped out of the room to take the call.

"Yo, Beckett where are you?" Esposito asked skipping all pleasantries.

"I am at the hospital with Castle, why?" Beckett asked puzzled and a little worried.

"Is everyone there alright?"

"Yes, of course they are. What is going on Esposito?" Beckett asked and she didn't need her training as a detective to tell her something was very wrong.

"Because a truck just blew up across the street from you and from the way the people calling into 911 described it, it sounds like it was a bomb."

Damn it! Beckett thought to herself. How much more danger was she going to put everyone around her in? Maybe it would have been better for everyone if the sniper had just killed her. Still she could not change the past, she had to focus on the task at hand and even if she was off the force she had to know what was going on.

"Are you on your way here?" She asked switching herself over to cop mode so she could hold down the panic that was building inside her.

"Ryan and I are pulling up to the curve now. It's a real mess down here." Esposito reported.

"Okay, I'll be down there in a few minutes." Beckett said and she didn't give Esposito time to argue with her before she hung up her phone. She then made her way into Castle's room quickly and drew the curtains, just in case there was a sniper waiting to take a shot. Beckett knew that whoever the "Dragon" was he would have no choice but to assume at this point that Castle knew everything she did, so if she was in danger so was Castle. She tired to keep her composure but it's hard to pass off closing a curtain in the middle of the day as normal.

"Beckett what's going on?" Castle asked looking up from his laptop.

"I'm not sure but something may be up and I need you all to stay in this room." Beckett said looking at all three people crowded around Castle's bed. She didn't want to give them the details if she didn't have to, after all she didn't have all the facts yet and there was no point in panicking them if it turned out to be nothing. Of course she knew there was about a zero percent chance that that would turn out to be the case but she was grasping for any hope you could find.

"What does that mean Kate, what has really happened?!" Alexis demanded with fear written all over her face. Suddenly Beckett felt very bad for trying to use such vague public relations double speak on these people who she cared so deeply for. Yes, it was what she was trained to do as a cop. Confirm nothing, wait for the investigation to be over, and the higher ups to make an official statement to avoid a panic but she could trust Castle's family and she owed it to them to be honest with them.

"It looks like a bomb may have gone off across the street and if it did then Castle or I were the most likely targets. I don't know any more then that right now." Beckett explained keeping her cool, that was one part of her training she was sticking to. Letting them see how worried she was would not help anyone.

"Oh my god." Martha said bringing her hand to her mouth.

"This building is now surrounded by cops so you are safe for the moment, I am going to go downstairs and find out what is going on. If there is any danger I will make sure you are all moved okay." Beckett explained taking charge of the situation, this was what she was best at. Not staying on the sidelines and crying, she wasn't much good at comforting people, but taking charge of a crisis and attacking it with a clear head, that was something she could do.

Everyone nodded that they understood and she turned to head out of the room.

"Kate, be careful." She heard Castle say and she turned to face him. She knew he only used her first name when he was really worried so she turned to reassure him.

"I will be, don't worry there are cops all over the place now." She said giving him a small smile and then she turned and left.

Beckett didn't hear Castle mumble to himself under his breath. "There were cops at Montgomery's funeral."

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When Beckett finally managed to get down to the street after what felt like hours, it was chaos. Instead of an orderly New York street it looked like a third world war zone. There were barricades up blocking off the street, emergency vehicles and workers everywhere, and dozens of uniformed cops holding off the crowds and the press. With no new news for almost a week the press excitement over the shooting of world famous crime writer Richard Castle had died down somewhat but now with a bomb going off out side of his hospital room it seemed that the press was interested again. If anything there was more press there now then there had been a week ago, Beckett even spotted a couple of news choppers hovering over the street. Still she did not have time to focus on that, she had a job to do. She scanned the crowd and finally spotted Ryan and Esposito near the smoldering remains of what had once been a pickup truck. Water and foam was dripping off the truck from the fire department putting it out and as she draw closer she could make out the form of her best friend Lanie, the medical examiner working on something in the truck that may have once been a human body.

She pushed her way through the crowd and made it to detectives Ryan and Esposito. "What have we got?" She asked. Fortunately neither man decided to question her presence at the scene and instead they slipped back into their old chemistry as if nothing had happened and she was still their boss.

"Bomb squad and fire department just finished clearing everything. We have one victim, dead and he appears to have been the driver." Ryan reported.

"Any idea what set it off?"

"The bomb squad said it looked like a small charge of C-4 planted on the gas tank but they will have to run some tests to be sure." Espisoto answered, he seemed to be a little worried that Beckett was there but he wasn't saying anything.

"Any idea who this guy was?" Beckett asked turning to her best friend.

"Well hello to you too." Lanie said turning to face her and looking somewhat annoyed. "I haven't heard from you in over two days and that is all you have to say?"

"Look I am sorry." Beckett said looking down at her friend, she really was but she didn't have time for a heart to heart. "But Castle and I may both be in danger right now so we need to work fast."

"Okay." Lanie said with a sigh returning her attention to the body. "But don't think you have gotten out of talking to me about everything that has happened."

"Understood." Beckett replied, excepting her friend's terms. "Now what can you tell me about this guy."

"Not much." Lanie reported becoming all business. "So far no I.D and he clothes are burnt to a crisp, all I can tell you is that he is a six foot four male in his mid forties."

"Okay thanks." Beckett said and she returned her attention to Ryan and Esposito. 'This doesn't make sense, if he was after me or Castle why did the bomb go off here?"

"No idea. Plus even if the truck was parked right next to the hospital there is no way it would have done enough damage to kill Castle or you, even if you were in the lobby." Esposito pointed out putting his former military training to good use.

"Also it was a suicide bombing, is the Dragon really so powerful that people will go on suicide runs for him?" Ryan asked and this thought sent a shiver down everyone's spines. They all knew that if the "Dragon" really did have that kind of power and loyalty from his men then it would be next to impossible to keep anyone safe from him.

"Nothing about this makes any sense." Beckett said as she ran her hands through her hair, she was getting frustrated, she needed a lead. That was when they heard it, a uniformed officer calling for them from an ally about twenty-five yards down the street. They all run down the street with their weapons drawn, not taking any chances and the officer showed them what he had found. What the officer had found was a person, He was a young man who looked to be of Chinese decent knocked out and handcuffed to a dumpster about halfway down the ally. He was wearing a nurse's uniform from the hospital and hanging off of it was an I.D tag that had the name Chang on it.

The officer explained that he had checked the man and he didn't have any weapons on him and he still had his wallet and cellphone as well as his name badge, that and the handcuffs left no chance that this was just a random mugging.

"Do you think someone used him to get into the hospital?" Ryan asked.

Beckett thought about this for a moment and then dismissed the idea. "No if they did this to him they would have killed him and taken his I.D." She pointed out.

"Then what does that leave, who did this?" Esposito asked puzzled.

Beckett thought about this for a moment and then she mentally kicked herself for being so stupid and forgetting her training. She suddenly remembered where she had seen this guy before but she had been too upset and distracted by Castle to do anything about it. He could have been killed and she would have completely missed it. Thank goodness her mind had filed his face away in her memory even if she had not followed her training. He had walked passed Castle's room at least a couple of times, she should have noticed and done something about a nurse that kept walking passed a room without going in but she had not been thinking straight. Damn it, how could she miss something like this. Still she needed proof so she turned to Ryan as she finished bagging the wallet and cellphone as evidence. She handed Ryan the I.D tag. "Go check with the hospital and see if he was still supposed to be working."

"You got it." Ryan replied as he turned and headed back up the ally the way they had come.

"What are you thinking?" Esposito asked.

"I don't know but the story doesn't make sense." Beckett said turning back to look at the man.

"The story doesn't make sense?" Esposiot mimicked. "You have been spending way too much time with Castle." This got a smile from from Beckett. "Should we call the EMTs?" Esposito asked.

"Not yet, this guy may be our only lead and I want to ask him some questions first." Beckett stated coldly. She knew she was pushing it but it's not like the NYPD could do anything else to her and all that mattered now was taking down the Dragon. If he did have people inside the hospital then he would now know that he could hurt her by going after Castle and his family. It was total war now, Backing off was not an option, the only way Beckett could keep Castle, Alexis, and Martha safe to say nothing of her father was to take this monster down and she would do whatever it took to make that happen or die trying.

A few minutes latter Ryan returned, he was running and and came to a stop a couple of feet in front of Beckett. "He has worked there for the past six months and he wasn't supposed to leave work until nine tonight." Ryan huffed.

"So you were right, he is one of their people." Esposito said fixing a cold stare, it was the same way he used to look at terrorists from a sniper scope when he was deployed, cold and without mercy.

"If that is true how did he get like this?" Ryan asked.

"Let's ask him." Beckett said bending down. She perched on her heels in front of him, not wanting to sit all the way down in the filthy ally. She then slapped the man awake. He slowly came to and when he did he had a look of terror in his eyes as he scanned all three unfriendly faces.

"What do you want with me?" He asked in panic.

"Don't play dumb we know you work for the dragon." Beckett said harshly, she decided to put him on the defensive right away.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Chang protested but he could see none of the three people standing in front of him were buying it, still he didn't know what to do other then stick to his story. That is until he remembered who Beckett was. "Hey, you should be dead!" He let out with a shocked gasp before he could stop himself.

Good he is not a pro, must be someone they had to hire at the last minute when the sniper didn't work. This will be easier then I thought. "Well guess what your little car bomb went off across the street and even if it had gotten to the hospital it still was not powerful enough to have killed me. Looks like your people screwed up and left you to take the heat." Beckett said coldly.

"I have nothing to say to you." He said not knowing what else to do.

"That's fine" Esposito said taking a step forward so he towered over the man sitting in the grime of the ally. "You are here on a visa to go to medical school. You are foreign national who just admitted to being a part of a terrorist plot on US soil. I am sure they will get all the answers we need out of you at Gitmo."

" G G G Gitmo?!" The man stammered, and he was clearly scared out of his mind, this was not a well trained operative.

"That's right you will be sent there with all the other hardcore terrorists, or you can talk to us." Ryan said deciding to play good cop no mater how much it churned his stomach.

"Look you don't understand what these people will do to me and my family if I talk to you." Chang stammered.

"Don't tell me about what these people do!" Beckett raged grabbing the Chang by the shirt and bringing him as close to her now red face as she could without uncuffing him from the dumpster. "These people murdered my mother. They have gone after me, and tried to harm the people I love! I know what they will do and I will do far worse to you if you don't start talking! Who is the Dragon!"

"I don't know!" Chang yelled out clearly scared out of his wits. "I have never heard of a dragon. I was hired by a man who's name I don't know to help Mike by spying on you and that writer guy and letting him know when to plant the bomb on the gas pipe! All I know about the man who hired me is that he works for someone powerful who could get my family out of china and clear my debts to the Tongs! That is all I know I swear!" He blurted out.

"The Tongs got you into the country and got you a Visa and now you owe them more then you could pay back?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah." Chang said looking down at the dirt. "They were going to kill me and my family was being persecuted because I left. Then this guy I know who is a go between for the Tongs and someone even they are afraid of offers to wipe it all out and get my family out if I do something for him. What would you have done?!" He demanded looking up at all three of the unfriendly faces.

"Not set up a whole hospital to get wiped off the map." Esposito replied with disgust.

"Wait if the bomb was planted on a gas line how did it end up on the truck?" Ryan asked puzzled.

"I don't know. All I do know is that I was told to get out and I was running down this ally when when I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head and then I woke up here. I have no idea what went wrong."

"Okay, I believe you." Beckett said and then she motioned to Esposito. "Uncuff him and take him to see the EMTs." Esposito nodded that bent down to remove the cuffs.

A few minutes later the three detectives stood in a semicircle just outside the ally, thinking about what they had just learned.

"Well the bomb squad is now checking every inch of those pipes for any sign of other bombs." Esposito reported. "Also our friend will be going to jail for a long time."

"This doesn't make sense,who moved the bomb and knocked out Chang?" Ryan asked clearly confused.

Beckett sighed and then looked at her partners. "I know this is going to sound crazy and Castle like but I think there is a third party involved who wants to take down the Dragon as much as we do and they moved the bomb."

"You are right that does sound crazy." Esposito said.

"Still I guess whoever this guy is he has to have made some enemies maybe one of them refused to take it laying down." Ryan pointed out.

"Still why not just disarm the bomb, why plant it on the truck?" Esposito asked.

"Because whoever it is wanted to send a message to the Dragon, that they could undo his best plans." Beckett said.

"Now you really sound like Castle." Esposito observed.

"It's the only story that makes sense of all the facts we have." Beckett maintained but before anyone else could say anything Beckett heard the one sound in the world she didn't want to hear at that moment.

"Detective Beckett, What are you doing here?!" It was the voice of a pissed off Captain Victoria Gates.

Beckett turned to face her captain. "Sir I was just trying to find out what was going on." She explained.

"You are suspended, do you not understand what that word means?" Gates asked coldly.

"Sir people that I care about are in danger because of my mother's case. I will not sit around while these people come after the people I love with bombs!" Beckett shot back.

"First of all this is now the FBI's case." Gates explained with a cold fire in her eyes. "Second my orders will be obeyed, and third I will not have this case thrown out because it was worked by a suspended detective."

"Sir, these people are coming after me I can't sit around and do nothing." Beckett was no so desperate that she was resorting to pleading but it had no effect.

"Even if I wanted to let you work this case it is out of my hands." Gates Replied sternly. "If I see you anywhere near this case again I will have you arrested, is that understood?!"

"Yes Sir." Beckett replied unable to look her captain in the eyes.

Gates then signaled for a uniformed officer. "Officer Decker, please escort Detective Beckett back to the hospital and away from this crime scene." The officer nodded and tried to lead Beckett away by the elbow but she pulled it out of his grasp.

"I know the way!' She said shooting the office a death glare. As she made her way to the hospital angry tears began pouring down her face. She was angry with her captain and with herself. Beckett had never felt so helpless it was clear now that these people also wanted Castle dead just to be safe and so even if she gave up her life that would do nothing to protect Castle. She and everyone she loved were in danger and there was not a damn thing she could do about it! The moment she crossed the police tape she completely broke down and began to cry slumped over on the sidewalk. She had never felt worse, tears would not help at the moment but they were all she had left. She knew now she was fighting a war that could not be won, she had gotten lucky today but that luck could not hold and at some point the Dragon would get her and everyone she loved. All her life would ever amount to was a bunch of dead bodies and nothing else left behind. At least if she had pushed Castle away he would have lived but she knew now it was too late for that he was a target. That was the thing that got her moving again. She had to protect Castle, she couldn't let him die because of her. She would find a way to save him. With these thoughts on her mind she picked herself up and headed with a determined stride into the hospital.

Kate Beckett may not have been a cop any more but she knew she could not let that stop her. She had to take down the "Dragon" once and for all. She had no idea how she was going to do it, all she knew was that there was no other way forward and she had to do something. Kate Beckett was going to war.

**Sorry to keep you waiting for the whole weekend, I didn't mean to and no it was not because I could not think of a way out of the cliffhanger. That cliffhanger and the way it was resolved along with Castle being in a wheelchair were the first things that popped into my head when I got the idea in the shower. I just got busy and this chapter took me forever to write. Sorry.**

**As always your feedback has been amazing and I thank everyone who leaves feedback and follows this story. You have helped make this story better and you are the reason I keep writing.**

**Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave feedback, you guys are the best.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

When the elevator doors slid open as it reached the floor Castle's room was on Kate Beckett was shocked by what she saw. Instead of the two uniformed police officers that had been guarding the floor all week she saw a single man in a suit of medium height and build facing the elevator and he was reaching for a gun that was on his belt. Beckett's mind quickly raced through all the possible explanations of who this man could be and why he was on this floor along with what had happened to the two officers and the worst one was also the most likely, the explosion had been a diversion to get the cops paying attention to the street instead of the hospital, This was one of the "Dragon's" men come to kill Castle and her. He had a gun and Beckett didn't so she had to act fast if she was going to stop him.

Beckett quickly stepped out of the elevator, the man was about two feet in front of her and reaching for his gun on his left side with his right hand. This meant that he was not completely focused on Beckett at that moment and she used this to her advantage. Beckett closed the distance between them and brought her right leg up into a high kick aimed at the man's left wrist, she used the kick to knock his hand away from the gun. This stopped him from getting to the gun for a second but when Beckett's foot came down to the floor she was slightly off center. She moved fast to correct this, she took a half step to her right so she was facing the man again but he was stepping back and reaching for his gun with his right hand and was now in a defensive posture. Beckett kicked her leg out straight ahead of her and the heel of her right boot connected sharply with the man's left knee. He let out a short sharp cry of pain and staggered backwards but by this time he had pulled out his gun, he aimed it at Beckett. This was a fight Beckett could not give up or lose so she did the only thing she could think of, she went for the man's right wrist with both of he hands and began twisting. This may not have been the best move when he was pointing the gun at her but she was too full of fear and adrenaline to think clearly, she was in a life or death struggle to protect the man she loved and she didn't really care at that moment if she took a bullet. Still luck seemed to be on her side since she was able to twist the pistol up and to the left so it was pointing away from her. It seemed that he had been expecting the fight to be over once he had gotten to his gun and Beckett had caught him off guard by continuing to fight. Still even as Beckett tried to twist the gun from his hand he seemed to collect himself and started to fight back. His left hand balled into a fist and Beckett was so focused on the gun that she didn't see it coming. The fist connected sharply with her left cheek and sent her flying down and to the right. Still she refused to let go of his wrist putting her full force and body weight into her grip, that was now the only thing holding her up. That was when she heard a snap and the man bellowed in pain and dropped the gun on the floor. Beckett must have broken his wrist. She dove to the floor and before he could react she picked up the gun, leaped into a standing position, and backed up a few feet pointing the gun at him.

"Don't move!" She warned harshly as she caught her breath.

The man was on the floor still pulling himself together while cradling his hurt wrist. Beckett was so focused on him she didn't notice another man in a suit jogging down the hall toward her but she did hear his voice which was full of confusion and surprise and what was more she was sure she knew the voice.

"What the hell is going, Kate?!" The other man said letting out a gasp.

Beckett looked up and when she did it was her turn to be confused. "Will?" She asked and then glanced back down at the injured man on the floor who had by this point collected himself and was standing up. Beckett looked back at the other man to be sure she had seen what she thought she saw and a second glance confirmed that she was not crazy, just unlucky. He was one of the last people on earth she wanted to deal with at the moment. Her old boyfriend, FBI special agent Will Sorrenson.

"Kate would you mind giving Agent Peterson his gun back?" Sorrenson asked taking a couple of steps closer to her.

"She broke my wrist!" The agent complained.

"Sorry." Was all Beckett could find it in herself to say as she handed the gun back to Peterson and he grabbed it with his left hand and he returned it to it's holster.

"It's okay Agent, I will handle it from here. You go downstairs and have that taken care of." Sorrenson ordered as he waved the agent off.

"Yes sir." The agent replied and she shot Beckett an unfriendly look as he entered the elevator.

Sorrenson then turned his attention back to Beckett. "Kate I am glad you are here, maybe you can talk some sense into your writer." He said sounding exasperated.

Beckett finally found her voice and spoke forcefully. "First tell me what is going and what happened to the officers guarding Castle and what you are doing here."

"The FBI is taking over protection for you and Mister Castle. Since there had been no other attempts in the past week we thought you were safe but the events of this morning prove otherwise so we took over." He explained in a business like manor.

"That still doesn't explain what you are doing here." Beckett stated as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I am here because the FBI wanted someone in charge of the protection detail who you two knew and trusted." He explained easily.

"And you think that is you?" Beckett asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Kate." He said and his voice softened and a hurt look passed over his face. "I know things didn't end well between us and we had our problems on the last case we worked together."

"Problems?!" Beckett interrupted with a laugh. "You cared more about one upping Castle and trying to get me back into bed then you did about finding a missing child!"

"Kate! You know that is not true." He said placing a hand on her shoulder and speaking as if he was explaining something to a child. "I'll admit I didn't want to take chances by including a playboy on the case but we solved the case in the end. I should have trusted you when you said that he could help but you need to look at the big picture. Just because we disagreed on our last case doesn't mean that I don't still care about you and I will not do everything in my power to protect you."

Beckett winced and pulled away, she would not be treated like this. "Don't talk to me like I am stupid!" She shot back. "We both know the real reason you took this job and it has nothing to do with caring about me or Castle, it has everything to do with politics. This is a high profile case and if you can take credit for saving the famous writer Richard Castle from a plot that seems to involve organized crime then your star will rise and you will be on the fast track to promotion. This is about the only thing you have ever cared about, your job! If this was not a high profile case you would not be here."

Sorrenson bristled at this and took a step back, he took a second to regain his composure before he spoke again. "I am sorry you feel that way." He said with a sigh. "Still even if you do believe that you should still listen to me since I only get those points with the FBI if you and the writer come out of this alive. It's in my best interest to protect you so you should talk some sense into that playboy."

"Maybe I will talk to him, if someone will tell me what is going on." Beckett said softening a little. There wasn't much point in bringing up the past. Yes she didn't like Sorrenson much any more but she had no reason to believe he would be petty enough to put Castle in danger and he did have a good point, he had every reason to want Castle to come out of this alive. Still she would not take anything he said at face value.

"I can't tell you that, do you have any idea how many rules I would be breaking?!" Sorrenson objected.

"Well I may know a thing or two you don't about this case so here is the deal. I will brief you on what I know and then you will brief Castle and I alone on what you know and then if I think whatever it is you want him to do is warranted I will get him to do it. No one else will know and you will get your points and maybe some new info on the case. Win Win." Beckett stated firmly.

"Okay, fine." Sorrenson said with a huff. "But you have got to talk that writer into going to an FBI safe house."

"You tell me what is going on on and I will see what I can do." Beckett replied and then they turned and made their way into Castle's hospital room. There were four FBI agents in the room as well as Martha and Alexis.

"Give us a few minutes we need to talk privately." Sorrenson said signaling to his men and a moment later they exited the room. Castle did not look happy to see Sorrenson again, in fact he seemed almost livid, but he relaxed somewhat when he saw Beckett enter a moment later.

"Would you two please leave, I need to talk to Mister Castle and Detective Beckett alone." Sorrenson explained gently and Beckett had to admit for all his other faults he did know how to keep civilians calm, at least in most cases. Martha and Alexis looked like they were going to argue but Castle saw that Beckett seemed to agree with Sorrenson so he spoke up first.

"It's okay, I'll be fine." He said looking over at his mother and daughter. After hugging him goodbye they left the room quietly.

"Okay now will you two tell me what is so important that my family had to leave?" Castle asked tersely. He had clearly had enough of Sorrenson to last a life time and didn't have any desire to extend his time with the agent one second longer then he had to.

Sorrenson seemed to feel the same way because he skipped all pleasantries and got straight down to business. "We all need to be brought up to speed on what we know about this case, maybe then you will see why I am right and you will listen for a change." Sorrenson said coldly.

"Fat chance." Castle scoffed.

"Oh will you two knock it off!" Beckett spit out, she had had enough of their bickering and wanted to get this over with as much as Castle did. Still she could put her personal feelings aside if it would bring her closer to solving the case so that is what she did. "Castle do you want to know what happened outside or not?"

"Yeah of course." Castle said looking back at Beckett and he seemed to calm down or at least decide not to let his emotions rule his actions for the moment.

"Good here is what happened." Beckett said and she began to explain everything that had happened on the street just as if she was making a report to her captain or the DA, it was the best way she knew to get through the story without getting her emotions involved. When she finally stopped everyone was quiet for a few minutes but she could tell Castle was thinking.

"So we are dealing with someone very rich and with a lot of political power. Enough power to get people out of China." Castle observed gloomily. "Still we must know something that puts whoever it is in danger or they would not have taken a shot at you." He added on a slightly brighter note as he looked up at Beckett.

"Yes but what do we know, nothing about this makes sense!" Beckett replied and she began pacing back and forth across the room to vent her frustration.

"I don't know but it must be something we don't know that we know." Castle stated thoughtfully.

"Will how did the FBI get involved and how did they know about Roy?" Beckett asked turning to her former boyfriend. "Maybe that will give us a clue."

"That is the strange part." Sorrenson began to explain. "The day you were shot." He looked over at Castle and then continued. "The FBI got a call with an anonymous tip. We tried to trace the call but it came from a payphone in New York and all the security cameras on the street corner it was on just happened to go offline for five minutes during which the call was made."

"What did the call say exactly?" Castle asked and he was starting to get excited, for the first time since he had woken up he had something productive to do and it was a good story straight out of one of his own books.

"It said that Captain Montgomery had been killed because he was involved in a kidnapping operation that resulted in the death of an FBI agent. It then gave us the numbers of several bank accounts. Now normally we wouldn't pay this type of tip much attention but the fact that bank accounts were listed and an agent had been murdered meant that we had to at least look into it." Sorrenson explained.

Beckett turned to face Sorrenson and there was anger written all over her face. "So that is why the FBI is going so far to drag Montgomery's name through the mud. You don't really care about the case, all you care about is that one of your people was killed!"

"You're Damn right that makes this important to us and don't pretend you would react any differently if it was a member of your team who was killed!" Sorrenson shot back.

"Roy Montgomery was a good man who gave his life to save mine!" Beckett retorted, barely keeping her emotions in check.

"Sorry I know he was important to you but that doesn't change the fact that he helped kill an agent and we owe it to that man's family to find the truth. You have spent over ten years looking for the truth about your mother's murder. The family of that agent is no different then you, they went through the same hell you have been through and they deserve better then a lie!" Sorrenson said forcefully.

Beckett didn't have an answer for this so she just turned away, refusing to break down but unable to calm herself completely down either. Castle decided it was time for him to step in and change the focus.

"We can't change what has happened, we have to deal with the problem we have. Sorrenson what did the FBI do with this information?" Castle asked trying to return the room to some sort of order.

"We checked out the bank accounts and sure enough they had been opened by Montgomery and other cops he had worked with under aliases." Sorrenson explained.

Beckett had regained control of herself enough to get back to business, without saying anything she turned around and rejoined the conversation. "Montgomery said they had given all their dirty money to the person behind this so why weren't you able to follow the money to him?" She asked.

"It's changed banks and been cleaned many many times. We know where the money started and that it was dirty but half the time when we try to track it we find that records have been destroyed or lost and the people we talk to seem to either not have the full picture or are more scared of him then they are of us. We hope the money will lead us to him at some point but right now we have not found a way in. If there is just one person behind this all he has layers of people between him and the people who run the day to day of his operation and he keeps himself well protected." Sorrenson explained with an exasperated sigh.

"So there is no hope, they are going to get me at some point." Beckett observed grimly.

"No, There has to be away to get to them through Montgomery or they wouldn't have tried to kill you." Castle said, he was determined not to let her give up. "The only way this story makes sense is if they are afraid of us, we just have to figure out why."

"You know how much I hate to say this but he is right, we will get this bastard. We just have to keep you safe until we can." Sorrenson said stepping closer to Beckett and for the first time since he had shown up he seemed almost kind. "Still I will not lie to you, this is a big organization and we need to keep both of you at a safe house until we bring them down." He added a little more forcefully.

"I can't go into hiding for the rest of my life. It has taken more then ten years to get this far, who knows how long it will take to bring these people down." Castle objected.

"This is my mother's case, do you really think I can sit on the sideline Will?" Beckett added.

"Look Kate I know this hard for you but if you touch this case now it will get thrown out of court. Do you really want these guys to get away with it? This is asking a lot I know but please step back so we can nail these guys and all the people who died didn't do it for nothing." Sorrenson was almost pleading with her. He then turned to Castle. "As for how long this will take, we have good leads and we have some idea of what we are looking for, so unless you have a way to close this case quicker a safe house is the best that we can do for you."

"Okay" Castle said and he paused to think for a minute. "Do you have any idea who called in the tip?" He asked a moment later.

"We think it must be some member of the organization who grew a conscience. It wouldn't be the first time this sort of thing has happened and it would explain how they know so much. Still that isn't a workable lead at the moment." Sorrenson said with a shake of his head.

"That doesn't explain the bomb being moved or Change being knocked out." Castle said thoughtfully. "Those things were done with style and with the intent of sending a message. I think we are dealing with some third party who has a grudge."

"I think maybe you have been reading too many of your own books, things like that don't happen in real life." Sorrenson scoffed.

"No, Castle's right. It's the only thing that makes sense." Beckett pointed out.

"Okay so even if that is true that doesn't help us all that much. I mean this guy has broken laws to help us so he is not about to come out of the shadows and answer our questions. It's still not a lead." Sorrenson replied.

"Maybe he can't come out directly and give us a lead but maybe he left something this last time that can help us. Like when he gave the FBI the bank accounts." Castle said rubbing his chin.

"The only thing he left for us was Chang and I don't think he will be of much help." Sorrenson said doubtfully.

"Wait." Beckett said with a snap of her fingers and she turned to face Castle. "Change said that there was a go between for whoever is behind this and the Tongs."

"That go between would have to know who he was working for in order to offer things like money and getting people out of China." Castle added completing the thought and for the first time in a long time Beckett felt like a complete person, she was building theories with her partner once again. Yes they were in big trouble but they now had a chance because they were back in sync. As if to confirm this they both seemed to have the exact same thought and blurted it out at the exact same time.

"We need to talk to the Tongs!" They said.

**Sorry this took so long but I am not good with action scenes so that bit took me a whole day to write. Also sorry that this chapter was nothing but plot exposition, it was needed to move the story forward but it made for a boring chapter. Really sorry about that. I tired to add Sorrenson in to make it at least a little interesting but I don't think it worked. Over all I am not very happy with this chapter but it was the best I could do.**

**Any way thanks for sticking with this story and I promise the next chapter will be more interesting.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

FBI special agent Will Sorrenson had a horrible sinking feeling. When he had first taken this assignment and learned that Richard Castle was involved the one consolation had been that Kate Beckett would also be there and he had been sure that she would be able to counter act the writer's more insane ideas, after all he had been following her around like a lost puppy the last time he had seen them together. Instead now it seemed like that at some point in the past year and a half some of the writer had rubbed off onto the normally sensible Kate and they both seemed determined to get involved in the case in the most dangerous way possible and he would somehow have to keep them safe despite this. At that moment he felt like the universe it's self was out to get him, his life had taken a very wrong turn.

"Talking to the Tongs is a terrible idea." Sorrenson objected, it wasn't much but it was all he had in his current shocked state of mind.

"Why, it's a solid lead." Castle pointed out as he looked up a Sorrenson for the first time since Beckett had entered the room.

"Well how about we start with the fact that the Tongs will never turn on someone they do business with." Sorrenson stated, taking a couple of steps closer to the bed.

Beckett turned to face Sorrenson and said. "It can't hurt to ask a few questions."

"Yeah and they don't have to know they are talking to the police or the FBI, one of us could go undercover." Castle added a little too excitedly for Sorrenson's taste. Undercover work was dangerous and shouldn't be viewed as fun or exciting.

"How about the fact that you are in a hospital bed, you are not going undercover!" Sorrenson replied with disbelief written all over his face.

"Come on when you talked to the doctors about moving me they said all they have to do is get these tubes out of me and get me fitted for a wheelchair and I am good to go." Castle protested.

"Yeah to an FBI safe house where you will be under expert medical care, not on an undercover mission. Kate, help me out here." Sorrenson interrupted and he turned to his former girlfriend for support.

"He's right Castle." Beckett said turning to face the writer and Sorrenson let out a sigh of relief that didn't last long. "If anyone is going undercover it's me."

"No, you are not putting yourself in any more danger over this!" Castle stated firmly.

"You can't even get out of bed!" Beckett pointed out.

"This whole thing is my fault, and you are not getting hurt because of it. It's my mess and I will clean it up!" Castle yelled out and a stunned silence fell over the room.

Beckett turned to Sorrenson and spoke quietly to him. "Could you give us a moment?" She asked and Sorrenson nodded that he understood and he turned and walked out of the room. Once he was gone Kate returned her attention to the man in the hospital bed. "Okay explain to me how any of this is your fault." Beckett demanded sharply.

Castle's face became grave and when he spoke it was almost with the voice of a child confessing something bad he had done. "If I hadn't dug into your mother's case none of this would have happened and you wouldn't be in any danger. You were right, I did do it for me and not for you. I can't let you die for something that I did."

Beckett was silent for a moment and then she spoke quietly, not looking Castle in the eyes. "Is that why you took the bullet, you have some kind of death wish?"

"I don't want to die but I know how stories work and I can't see this one ending without someone dead and it can't be you." Castle said coldly and Beckett was shocked by the lack of emotion in his voice, it was like he was talking about the weather. She had already seen him die once in real life and so many more times when she closed her eyes, she couldn't watch it happen again.

Beckett took Castle's head in her hands and forced him to look her in the eyes and when she spoke it was with a passion that was rarely seen the in detective. "This is not one of your books Castle, you don't get to write the ending. You don't get to kill yourself because of me."

"You don't understand it's my fault, you said so yourself." Castle said through clenched teeth. "I have to take responsibility for my actions, you taught me that."

At this Beckett stood up and paced away from the bed, she ran her hand through her hair in frustration and then turned around to face Castle. "Is that the only reason you have stuck around and why you said you loved me, guilt?" She asked, her voice almost choked out by emotion.

"What, how can you even ask me that?!" Castle replied shocked.

"You did just say you are going to throw your life away because of guilt, maybe you feel responsible for my being alone to so saying that you love me is just you doing your duty in your mind." Beckett said as she turned away from the bed and then a moment later she turned back and added angrily. "Well I have got news for you Richard Castle, I don't need that kind of love!"

"How could you think I don't love you?!" Castle demanded and he was battling between sorrow and rage. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I am not throwing my life away because I can't live without you. I put you in danger and I have to keep you safe. If you die then I will die a little piece at a time any way, so I have to do this. The question is did you only say you love me because you felt guilty about my getting shot?"

Beckett's jaw hit the floor when he said this, she thought they had resolved this issue but clearly it was still hanging over their heads. She didn't know how to argue emotions so she went with what she was good with, facts. "If I didn't love you then I could have filed a harassment complaint with my union rep a long time ago and gotten rid of you." Castle didn't look like he was completely sold on this. "You offered to walk away more then a year ago, if I didn't love you why didn't I take you up on that?" Still not sold so Beckett closed in for the kill and moved to within two paces of Castle and looked down at him as she spoke. "I may have a lot of problems that I still have to work through and I may not have seen it at first but I do know that I love you, Richard Castle." This seemed to do the trick and he calmed down. Beckett then put her hand on Castle's and added. "Yes you may have reopened this case but we have gone down this path together every step of the way and that is how we will finish it, together and we will both come out of this alive."

"I wish I could be as sure of that as you are." Castle said with sadness in his eyes.

"Look at how many times we have beaten the odds already, pulling out all those wires on the dirty bomb should not have worked but it did. We will get through this." Beckett said looking down at Castle.

"I do seem to be the hero who can't be beat." Castle said with a cocky smile.

"Oh please." Beckett said rolling her eyes.

"Hey you are the one that said I always beat the odds." Castle pointed out.

"I said **we** always beat the odds, you can't even win a bar fight without me." Beckett with a small smile.

"technically I was not in that fight and he caught me by surprise!" Castle replied defensively.

"I still can't believe you talked me into signing a paper to get that guy into locksmithing school." She said with a sigh.

"Hey I can read people." Castle said and Beckett was about to object when he added. "He hasn't gotten into any trouble yet has he?"

This seemed to quiet Beckett but only for a second before she sat down on the bed and leaned in to within an inch of his face. "If you are so good at reading people then how come you didn't know I loved you?" She asked.

"Well it can be hard to tell real love from sexual attraction, and all the woman are attracted to me." Castle explained.

"Oh please." Beckett said as she rolled her eyes and pulled back from him.

"Admit it detective, you were flirting with me from the moment we met. You knew questioning me was a dead end, you just wanted to meet and maybe later debrief me."

"You are the one who wanted me to spank him."

"The offer still stands."

"For now I think we will just have to settle for this, stud." Beckett said and she leaned in for a kiss. It was more passionate then anything they had shared up to that point and it may had gone farther if it were not for a knock on the room's door frame. They both pulled away and tried to compose themselves and turned their attention to the door. It was Will Sorrenson who was knocking and he was leaning into the room.

"Is it safe to come in?" He asked.

"It is now." Castle said sounding very annoyed.

"Good Because I just got a call from my boos, it seems the little incident in the hall has worked it's way up the FBI chain of command and I have to ask you some questions, Kate." Sorrenson said as he stepped into the room and turned his attention to Beckett.

"What do you have to ask me?" Beckett asked puzzled.

"Did Agent Peterson identify himself as a federal agent before you attacked him?" Sorresnson asked carefully.

"Oh." was all Beckett said at first, she had forgotten in all the excitement that she had beat up an agent of the FBI. "No he didn't." She then added calmly. "I saw that the two officers who were guarding Castle were gone and there was a man there and he went for his gun without saying anything and I was afraid for both my safety and Castle's so I attacked him before he could get to his gun."

"Okay, good." Sorrenson said with a sigh of relief. "I just got a call and this means that he screwed up so I don't have to arrest you."

"Wait you attacked an FBI agent?' Castle said in surprise.

"She broke his wrist." Sorrenson added and Beckett flinched at this. Yeah the guy had screwed up but just like her he was most likely on edge due to the bombing and he was a young kid so who could blame him for making a tiny screw up and he had been at least trying to protect Castle. Still this news didn't seem to dampen Castle's spirits at all.

"That's my girl." He said proudly and then Beckett reached over and twisted his right ear.

"Never call me your girl again." She said glaring at him.

"Should I call you my woman instead, is that more PC these days?" Beckett twisted harder. "Okay, okay... Apples, Apples, Apples. You are not my girl or my woman." Castle cried out and Beckett released his ear.

"Suddenly I am glad we broke up." Sorrenson said to no one in particular, this earned him a death glare from Beckett.

"Hey I only have to get rough with this guy because he is such a jackass." Beckett said looking over at her former boyfriend and she was glad that he seemed to have moved on, the last thing she wanted to deal with in the middle of all her other problems was Sorrenson and Castle fighting over her after she had already made her choice clear, she was not a thing to be owned and fought over.

"Hey I thought we agreed I was a wise ass, not a jack ass!" Castle objected.

"I am thinking you are wise ass on your mother's side and Jackass on your father's." Castle said playfully turning her attention back to Castle.

"I dare you to prove it." Castle said.

"Castle we know it is fifty fifty and are you really going to call your own mother a Jackass." Beckett pointed out.

"Not when I can't run away from her." Castle responded, this brought the room down a little and everyone got quiet after Castle suddenly reminded everyone of how badly he had been hurt.

"Speaking of, you still have to decide what you are going to do." Sorrenson said looking at Castle and Beckett as he returned to the matter at hand.

"Well I still don't like going into hiding for who knows how long." Castle said firmly.

"He has a point, we will not be safe until whoever is behind this is taken down and we may have a good lead on that. Hiding just doesn't sound like the right move. At some point he will find us, we have to take him down before he gets us." Beckett agreed.

"Look you two are in no shape to handle this case." Sorrenson said with a sigh.

"This is my mother's case and they are after me, how can you expect me to sit back and watch as other people put their lives in danger for me?" Beckett asked with pain showing on her face.

Sorrenson didn't even pause, Kate had handed him the trump card and he played it. "You make a good point these people are ruthless and will keep coming for you." This earned him a nod of agreement from Beckett so then he went in for the kill. "They were willing to blow up a whole hospital just to get the two of you. Hundreds of people including your own family could have been killed." Sorrenson turned his attention to Castle for this last part before returning it to Kate for the next. "What if we are not so lucky next time, do you really want hundreds of people to die with you? Kate, could you really live with yourself if some little girl was left without a father or mother because they got caught in the crossfire?"

This seemed to do the trick as both of the other people in the room went quiet and looked away from Sorrenson. He thought he saw a single tear make it's way down Beckett's cheek and suddenly he felt like an ass. What was he thinking bringing her mother into this?! He was the jackass in the room now and he didn't like the feeling. "Kate, I'm sorry." He said earnestly.

Beckett didn't respond to him instead she turned to Castle and sniffed. "He's right, if we stay out in public someone else will get hurt." She said with a sniff.

"I don't like running when we have a lead, running from perps is not how we have ever done things before. We win these battles head on and you have done nothing wrong and shouldn't have to run." Castle replied sternly.

"How about this." Sorrenson said jumping in. "The FBI will get a description of this go between from Chang and we will work with the NYPD to find him and if we can't then we will send someone both of us trust undercover, we will not let the lead go cold."

"I still don't like handing this case over to someone else." Castle said with a grumble.

"Please, Castle for me?" Beckett pleaded with him softly and he looked up at her and then she added. "You, Martha, Alexis, and my father are closer to me then anyone else in the world, I can't lose any of you."

"Okay." Castle said with a sigh, he didn't like running but he liked the idea of causing Beckett pain even less. All that was keeping him going at the moment was his need to take care of her and if keeping himself safe was the best way to do that he would do it no mater how much he disliked the idea of hiding.

"Thank you so much." Beckett said and she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek not even caring at that moment if Sorrenson was watching.

"On one condition." Castle said as he pushed Beckett off of him. "You have to go into protection too, I can't lose you either." He added firmly.

"Okay." Beckett said with a sniff.

"Okay?!" Castle said shocked.

"Yes, okay. How many times do I have to say it?" Beckett asked becoming annoyed.

"Thank you so much." Castle said gratefully. Then he added as if he had just thought of it. "Hey what about your father, if you go off the grid these people could use him to lure you out."

Beckett suddenly felt ashamed of herself, she should have thought of that sooner, she should have checked in right after the bomb went off. The trouble was she was not sure what she would say to him, she had hurt him deeply and she didn't know how to make it right. This was all too much too fast her emotions were like a storm raging at sea. Still it could not be avoided and she would just have to lower her sails and ride out the storm.

Sorrenson stepped up beside the bed and spoke when he could tell Kate couldn't think of anything to say. "Don't worry Kate, we will send some men to pick him up as well as to grab anything you think you will need from your apartment. I don't think it is safe for either of you to go to your homes at the moment." Sorrenson said in a comforting tone.

"Thanks Will." Beckett said looking up at him. "But if you are going by my father's place there should be a suitcase there packed and ready to go so you don't need to go to my apartment."

"Okay." Sorrenson said quietly and then he switched to his FBI special agent mode. "I was going to send you two to separate safe houses but I take it now that you will all want to go to the same place at the end of the day when Mister Castle is ready to be moved."

"Yes, please." Castle and Beckett said in unison.

"Okay I am going out to make a few calls to arrange for Kate's father to be brought in and for you all five of you to stay in the same place." Sorrenson said to both of them and then he turned to Castle. "I'll send your family in. You should make a list of everything you will need for a long stay away from everything as well as where the items can be found in your home." He instructed and Castle nodded that he understood.

"So we are really doing this?" Castle said with disbelief.

"It's the right thing to do." Beckett said firmly.

"Yeah I know." Castle said with a sigh. "It's just we could be gone for months." The he added more playfully. "Do you think you can put up with me for a few months, detective."

"Of all the times for me not to have a gun!" Beckett said as she playfully face palmed.

"I know." Castle said looking up up at her with mock understanding. "Still once the doctors give me the okay I promise I will make it up to you."

"You are pretty sure of yourself aren't you Mister Castle." Beckett said flirting with him while reaching down and lightly touching his crouch."

Before Castle could come up with a come back they were interrupted. "Ewe, get a room you two." Alexis said as she entered the room.

"I have a room!" Castle objected. Looking up at his daughter and mother who were now walking over to him.

"I mean a room I am not in." Alexis added. "If this is the sort of thing I am going to see on a regular basis you are going to have to pay for the therapy." This caused Beckett to blush bright and turn away for a moment from the teenage girl for a moment, she had not felt like this since she was a teenager and her father had caught her in a car with a boy.

"Okay Okay, I got it. No more PDA." Castle said relenting and then he looked up at his daughter gravely. "There is something I need to talk to you both about." He said looking at his daughter and mother and he explained what was going on and why they would have to leave. Martha was upset that she would have to leave the play she had just signed on for and her acting school but once Castle and Beckett explained about the bomb she seemed to resign herself to it. She wasn't happy but at least she seemed to be directing her anger at the people who were after Beckett and her son and not him. Alexis was a little easier, she was on summer break so she decided to look on the bright side that she was not missing any school and there was a chance she would be back in the city just in time for her final year of high school. She was not happy about leaving her friends for the summer but if it meant keeping her father save she could live with it.

For the next half hour they all worked on the list of things they would need for the trip. Castle lifted everyone's spirits by making jokes and saying how cool it would all be because it was just like they were in a mob movie. This made Beckett smile. Moments like this were one of the biggest reasons she loved them and why they worked so well together. While she would always see the cloud that was blowing in and brace for the storm he would focus on the fact that the rest of the sky was blue. Either outlook could get you killed if it was all you focused on but together they were complete and she valued the fact that he could make people smile even in a dark hour.

She was just thinking these thoughts when she saw Will in the doorway signaling to her silently. He was shaken and his face was white as a sheet. She didn't like this, she had to know what was going on. On shaky legs she forced herself up and walked into the hall where Castle and his family could not see her.

Sorrenson spoke before she could and he spoke quickly. "Before I say anything else I promise you that we will leave no stone unturned, we will have our best people on this, we will get him back." Sorrenson tried to assure her but all this did was cause Beckett to panic. She had a pretty good idea of what had happened but she needed to hear the words for herself.

"The men that I sent over to your father's place couldn't find him. He was not home and the place was trashed as if there was a struggle or someone was looking for something." Sorrenson explained gently but firmly while reaching out a hand to comfort Beckett but she was too shocked to speak and just pulled away.

Beckett then slumped against the wall, she didn't cry because she was too shocked. She couldn't even think and she felt her whole body go cold. These bastards had taken her mother from her and now they had taken her father and what made it worse the last thing she had said to him was that he didn't love her and she didn't want him in her life. Beckett couldn't find it in herself to cry and a moment later she felt so cold that the freezer she had once almost died in seemed like a warm place. She was completely frozen and unable to think. Without even thinking about it she pushed herself to her feet and began walking, when Will tried to stand in her way she shoved him out of her way without even looking at him. Moving almost like a robot, not even paying attention to the world around her she headed for the elevator. She had to find her father, that was the only thought in her mind at that moment.

**Okay I know I am sounding like a broken record at this point but sorry for the delay. As I said in the notes for my last chapter I am not good at writing action scene so before I got to the part of the story that will have a lot of action in it I decided to read some Jack Reacher books to try and get myself into the right head space. Lee Child does a great job with action scenes. The trouble is that I got so caught up in the book I spent every free second I had reading them when I should have been writing. I am really sorry about that, thanks for putting up with all these delays and again the feedback for the last chapter blew me away.**

**Thanks to everyone who follows, favorite, or reviews this story and thanks again to everyone who cares enough to PM me. You guys are why I write.**

**Now for some good news from this time forward there should not be any more delays, you should get a new chapter every day except for Sundays and Wednessdays.**

**Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this.**

**Oh and as you may be able to tell I really liked Norman Jessup and like to think Castle wore Beckett down in the end and he got a second chance.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Kate Beckett got to within one pace of the elevator when she felt a heavy hand grab onto her left arm, she tried to fight against it but the hand would not let her go and pulled her back. The hand left her arm but it and another hand then grabbed hold of her shoulders and shoved her again the hallway wall hard. She tried to break free but the owner of the hand stood in front of her blocking her way, he was bigger and stronger then her and her used all of his body weight to pin her against the wall. The hands of course belonged to Will Sorrenson.

"Will, Let me go!" Beckett angrily demanded as she struggled against Sorrenson's grasp on her body as she felt terror and rage wash over her like a torrential downpour.

"Not until you stop panicking and think." Will stated firmly refusing to raise his own voice.

"He's my father and I can't let anything happen to him!" Beckett yelled as she tried to fight her way clear but Sorrenson just shoved her back against the wall.

"Exactly, and they know that." Sorrenson said raising his voice a little this time. "What if the sniper is camped out across the street, or they have planted another bomb and are just waiting for you to show up?!"

"I don't care it's my fault that he is in danger and you can't keep me here." Beckett insisted.

"You really will not change your mind?" Will asked gently but firmly as he looked into her eyes.

"No, I will go there and I will find him even if it kills me." Beckett stated with determination all over her face.

Sorrenson then released her with a sad sigh and Beckett thought he was letting her go so she put her guard down and took a step forward. She was surprised when Sorrenson grabbed her again and spun her around quickly pushing her front against the wall. His full body weight was now against her back and the next thing she felt were her hands being pulled behind her back and a pair of metal handcuffs being locked around her wrists.

"Will, what the hell are you doing?!" Beckett spat out and now her face was turning bright red.

"I hate to do this but you have left me no choice." Sorrenson explained firmly. "Kathrine Beckett, you are under arrest for assaulting a federal officer."

"We cleared that up, you can't arrest me for that!" Beckett insisted.

"The charges have not officially been dropped yet so I can hold you for seventy-two hours." Sorrenson explained and his voice turned cold, betraying no emotion.

"You can't do this to me!" Beckett yelled trying to break free of the handcuffs but of course if she had been thinking she would have known it was no use, but she wasn't thinking she was running on emotion and Will knew what every trained law enforcement officer does, that going into danger without thinking is as good as putting a pistol to your head and pulling the trigger. He was not about to let Beckett go, even if it did get him into trouble later. He wasn't about to let her run to her own death, so he continued to hold her firm against the wall and wait for her to calm down and for her training to kick in.

That was when they were interrupted by a small shocked voice. "What is going on?" Sorrenson looked over his left shoulder and saw that the voice belonged to a very worried looking young woman, it was Castle's daughter Alexis. Seeing her caused Sorrenson to release his hold on Beckett and take a step back, this allowed Beckett to turn around and face the redhead.

"Special Agent Sorrenson, why do you have Kate in handcuffs?" Alexis asked, clearly confused.

"Detective Beckett is insisting on running headlong into a trap, so I had no choice but to arrest her for her own safety." Sorrenson explained calmly.

"Kate I thought you said you were done putting yourself in danger. You promised you would be here for me, how can you be here for me if you get yourself killed?" Alexis asked looking up at the detective with sad hurt eyes.

At any other time this display would have hit it's mark and Beckett would have broken down but at that moment she only knew one thing and that was her father had been taken because of her and the last thing she had said to him had been full of hate and she had to make both of these things right. "You don't understand they have my father, he is in danger. I have to do something, you have no idea what that is like." Beckett pleaded looking down at the girl.

"I have no idea?!" Alexis shot back and for the first time in about a week Beckett saw the girl angry, and she was about to find out that what was said about the temper of redheads was true, at least in the case of Alexis Castle. "My dad has been in constant danger for the past three years!" She raged taking a step closer to the detective. "I still have no idea what was so bad that he had to send me out of the city earlier this year. Every single day I wake up wondering if it is the last time I will ever see him. I saw him get shot and die right in front of my eyes!" She then took two more paces forward so she was standing directly in front of Beckett, Beckett looked like she was about to say something but Alexis wouldn't let her. "If you could stop being selfish for thirty seconds you would see that I may know how you feel better then you do. My dad is in constant danger, this is the first time yours has been in any danger and you have other family besides him. Stop acting like your pain in is the only thing in the world that maters!" Alexis then shocked both Sorrenson and Beckett by reaching up with her right hand and slapping Beckett across the face, hard enough that the sound echoed through the hall and her hand left a bright red mark where it had connected with the detective's face. Alexis then turned and began walking away slowly and then with out looking back said in a small broken voice. "Do what you like Detective Beckett but please don't come back here again. My father and I can't handle how selfish you are on top of everything else we have to deal with." Then she walked into her father's room leaving a very conflicted Kate Beckett standing in the hall.

"Will what do I do?" Beckett asked heartbroken but refusing to cry. "I can't lose my father but I can't lose them either, they are my family now." Beckett said turning to face the man standing beside her.

"Do what you tell every other family member who has a loved one kidnapped to do." Sorrenson said in a comforting tone of voice. "Let us handle it."

"But how do we know you will even be able to find him?" Beckett asked desperately.

"They took him for a reason, you know that." Sorrenson said laying out the fact calmly so an emotional Beckett could clearly examine them for the first time. "They will have to contact you and make demands and that will give us our best shot. If I have to divert men to following and protecting you then it will just increase the chances that something bad will happen to your father. Do you understand?" Beckett thought about this for a second and then with a sad broken look in her eyes she nodded that she understood. "Okay, if I uncuff you do you promise not to run away?" Sorrenson asked a moment later.

"Yes." Beckett answered brokenly while looking at her own feet.

"Alright." Sorrenson said and he reached behind Beckett and uncuffed her wrists, she then pulled her arms in front of her and began rubbing her raw wrists with her hands. "At a time like this you need the support of people who love you so you should go in there and join them." Sorrenson said motioning to Castle's room down the hall. "I'll let you know the moment we find anything."

"Okay." Was all Beckett could say and she said it so softly that if Sorrenson had not been standing right beside her he would not have been able to hear her, then she slowly and sadly made her way down the hall.

Beckett hadn't even stepped all the way into the room when Martha rushed over and pulled her into a hug while muttering, I'm sorry. Beckett didn't resist or even really react as the older woman led her over to the recliner beside Castle's bed and sat her down in it. She released the heartbroken detective from the hug and instead knelt down on the floor beside the chair and took Beckett's right hand in one of her own and began stroking it in a comforting manor with her other hand. Beckett was unable to react to this and she just looked dead ahead, she had no idea what to do or how to react.

A few moments later Alexis Castle came rushing over to her. The girl didn't say sorry for anything she had said or done but she did hug the older woman, she held on tight and refused to let go until at last with her free arm Beckett reached out and silently returned the hug.

"I wish there was something I could do." Was all Castle said sadly. Beckett almost cried at this but she didn't, she wanted to keep her head clear. For all she knew she would be getting a call at any moment. They sat there for about ten minutes without talking, after all what was there to say? Then Will entered the room.

"I just thought you should know the lab techs are at your father's place and have started working the scene." He reported gently.

"I should be there." Was all Beckett said and this caused Alexis to pull back from her and Sorrenson to enter the room.

"Kate, we have been over this. You will not help your father by getting yourself killed, and he wouldn't want that." Sorrenson said firmly.

"I understand that." Beckett said a moment later looking around the room from one person to the other. "But I know my father better then anyone and I will know if anything is out of place or if there is a clue. I may spot something that the lab techs miss, but you are right I can't go there." She then looked down at the floor and seemed to resign herself to her fate. Alexis walked over and hugged her again and for the first time she felt like she really understood the woman, she could not imagine how conflicted she must be feeling at that moment, then she had an idea.

"Maybe there is a way for you to see your father's apartment without going there." Alexis said and everyone in the room including Beckett for the first time looked at the teenager. "Special Agent Sorrenson see if anyone at the scene has a video smartphone with the Skype app on it." She said looking at Sorrenson.

"Pumpkin that's brilliant! We can log on and talk to the team at the apartment in real time from my laptop!" Castle said as a proud smile broke across his face.

"Can you do that?" Beckett asked hopefully looking up at Sorrenson.

"I'll make a call." Sorrenson said and quickly existed the room and as Castle quickly opened his laptop and suddenly Beckett's depression was replaced with a faint glimmer of hope.

A few moments later Sorrenson reentered the room while hanging up his phone and he handed Castle a piece of paper with some writing on it. "Agent Becker has the Skype app on her phone turned on, here is how you get to the video." He explained quickly.

Beckett leaned over and focused all her attention on the screen of Castle's laptop as he followed the instructions and logged on. A moment later an image of Jim Beckett's living room came into to voice.

"Are you logged on." An unseen gentle female voice said through the laptop's speakers.

"We are here." Castle replied.

"Okay what would you like to see first?" Becker asked.

"Show me the front door." Beckett said leaning over a little more for a better look. A few moments later there was a shaky slow pan across the entrance to the apartment.

"As you can see the door was not forced and it was unlocked when we entered. Nothing around the door seems to have been touched, including a suitcase that is sitting beside the door." Becker reported.

"Have any of the windows been forced?" Beckett asked, she was doing her best to remain in detective mode. If she let her emotions take hold there was a chance she would miss a vital clue.

"No, they are all closed and locked from the inside." Becker replied.

"So he let whoever it was in." Beckett observed.

"That could mean it was someone he knew." Castle piped in grimly. Beckett didn't respond to this, she knew it was a logical conclusion but she didn't want to think that any of her father's friends could be a plant sent in by the "Dragon".

"Okay show me the living room." Beckett instructed.

The camera then panned over the room and Castle got a puzzled look on his face.

"If there was a fight it must have been over quickly." Becker said. " None of the furniture seems to have been moved or knocked over and while there are a lot of things on the floor they are all broken photos or knick knacks."

"This doesn't make sense, how did only that stuff get moved in a fight?" Beckett asked more to herself then to Becker.

"No idea, maybe they were searching for something." Becker replied.

"Yeah but if they were searching for something it would have been something I had left there so why didn't they touch the suitcase that has my name on it?" Beckett asked again becoming more puzzled.

"Who knows." Was all Becker could say and she continued to pan the phone's camera across the room.

Castle then spoke up. "Beckett did you have some sort of fight with your dad when you saw him today?" Castle asked carefully.

"Why would you ask that?" Beckett asked suddenly feeling very exposed and guilty.

"You did have a fight with him." Castle observed, reading Beckett like a book.

"So what if I did, what does that have to do with this." Beckett said defensively.

"How did it end?" Castle asked, and bracing himself for a slap across the face. Instead Beckett's reply was quiet and guilty.

"I told him I didn't want him in my life." Beckett replied weakly feeling nothing but shame as she made the confession.

"Why would you do that, dear?" Martha asked clearly shocked into joining the conversation.

"He told me about how he had gone to you behind my back so I told him to get out of my life and stay out." Beckett said looking over at Castle with tears filling her eyes but she still refused to cry then she added. "I still don't understand what this has to do with him being kidnapped."

"Simple I don't think he has been kidnapped." Castle said drawing shocked looks from everyone in the room. "This room doesn't look like it has been searched or there was a fight in it. It looks like my office did the nights I figured out both of my marriages were over. This is the room of a heart broken man who is angry at himself and the world and is smashing everything that reminds him of his pain." Castle explained quickly, Beckett looked at him shocked so he continued. "Look all the photos are of either you or your mother and all the knick knacks are the sorts of things that a woman would buy not a man so they must be your mother's old things."

"You are right how could I not have spotted it?!" Beckett asked and her voice was full of as much shock as fear and guilt. She then looked up at Sorrenson. "Is there an APB out on my father?" She asked.

"Of course." Sorrenson replied.

"Well have the local PD and your own people focus on the blocks around my father's building." She instructed as if she was somehow in charge but Sorrenson didn't argue with her, instead he just pulled out his cellphone and started to dial.

"Also have them check all the nearby bars." Castle added and this earned him an angry look from Beckett.

"My father isn't that kind of man any more, he is past that. You have no idea what he went through, how dare you judge him!" She fired at Castle venting all the anger and guilt she felt towards herself at Castle.

Castle knew better then to get into a fight with Beckett, if he was right she had a hard enough time ahead of her. He knew she would blame herself for what had happened so he just calmly explained. "If Alexis had said she never wanted to see me again that is where I would be."

"I would never do that." Alexis piped in without thinking.

"Really, I am pretty sure I could push you to that if I wanted to. What if I rode another police horse naked." Castle said looking up at his daughter.

"I would never kick you out as long as you have money." Alexis replied trying to lighten the mood.

"Just for that I am leaving all my money to charity, check." Castle said.

"Well then I guess I will just have to shack up with the first rich guy I find. I think that is checkmate." Alexis said with a smirk.

"Okay you win, you get all my money." Castle said with a sigh.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Martha asked throwing her hands in the air.

"I think you have gotten enough of my money over the years." Castle said looking over at his mother.

Throughout this whole exchange Beckett was silent, as she looked down at her hands. She wanted to believe her father was a better man then Castle had given him credit for but in her head she knew that there was always a chance of a relapse and no one was ever truly free of addiction. Still if he was drunk she had no idea what he could have been thinking, she accused him of caring more about booze then he did about her so he decided to prove her point, what kind of person thought that way. The answer came back, an addict. She didn't want to think about her father as an addict, just as someone who had had trouble coping with her mother's death like her.

Then again wasn't she an addict? Didn't she throw herself into work and shut herself down to everyone after her mother's murder. Was there really much difference between turning to the bottle and turning to work, still she thought he had gotten better and the fact that he had gotten better had given her hope that she could too, was it really just a lost cause? No, she had to think positively. For all she knew he was just on a long walk and Will would enter the room at any minute with good news. That was the one thing she was hoping for most in the world at that moment. Still if she had turned him back to the bottle she had no idea how she would ever forgive herself, and if she couldn't forgive herself how could she forgive him?

A Minute latter Will Sorrenson entered the room, he was placing his cellphone in his pocket and he looked like his mood had brightened. "Good news, Kate." He said walking over to her. "Local PD picked up your father in a bar just down the street from his building. They say he is pretty drunk but otherwise he is okay and they are bringing him here."

That did it for the first time since she had heard her father was missing Kate Beckett began to cry. She was glad he was okay and the worst had not happened but looking at it another way the worst had happened. She had tossed her father back into the jaws of the monster that had nearly devoured his body and soul once before. How would she live with herself and how would she face him for all the months they would have to spend together in hiding? Would he even want to see her again, could she bear to see him drunk again? All these questions raced through her mind as she let the tears fall and at that moment she felt like the worst daughter in the world.

**Okay the response the last chapter was just amazing I can't believe how many reviews and Pms I got and they were all hugely helpful. Everyone who has reviewed this story,PMed me,followed, or favorited it has my deepest thanks.**

**I would like to single out fbobs, not only did he send me Pms with some very useful information in them but he pointed me in the direction of two very helpful books I had never heard of before. Thanks to his feedback I am becoming a better writer.**

**Again thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this story and I hope you like this latest chapter.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Kate Beckett was crying and for the first time since he woke up Richard Castle was feeling truly limited and disabled. Up until that point he had felt like he was just having a normal extended stay at the hospital, it didn't really feel like his life had been completely changed and he was not the man he used to be. He had understood when the doctors told him there was a chance he would never walk again but he hadn't really felt like that was the case. People don't move around much in the hospital any way so he still felt like he was just in the hospital and his life would be back to normal soon. Now with Beckett crying and the only thing he could do to comfort her being reaching out with his right hand and rubbing her shoulder he felt disabled for the first time. He couldn't even help the people he loved in their time of need, what good was he? He was useless, he was a burden to them. Still he had to keep up a brave face, if his daughter saw how he felt it would only make things harder for her and she had it bad enough. Then there was Beckett. If she even got a hint of how he felt she would feel guilty, he knew that was the kind of person she was, so he couldn't let anyone know how he really felt he just had to suck it up and act like his normal happy self. Besides if he acted happy long enough wouldn't he be happy at some point? One thing was for sure getting depressed wouldn't help anyone so he just wouldn't do it.

All Castle could do was rub Beckett's shoulder and muter "It will be okay.", He looked up a moment later to see his mother and daughter quietly making their exit from the room, they seemed to sense that what Beckett needed most at that moment was privacy. Castle gave them a sad smile letting them know he was grateful for their thoughtfulness and then he returned his attention to Beckett.

"Could you sit up here on the bed?" Castle asked gently and Beckett thought she detected an undercurrent of shame in his tone of voice but she was too far gone in her own pain to think about it at that moment.

"Why?" Beckett asked looking up at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

"Because I think you could use a hug and I can't reach you." Castle's words were soft and full of compassion but his face was pained, how was he supposed to be there for Beckett when he couldn't even move to hug her?

Beckett didn't say a word she simply sat up on the bed and placed her head on Castle's shoulder as he reached out and grabbed her in a hug. He rubbed her back slowly and she just sat there for about five minutes with him holding her, he wanted so badly to apologize for the fact that he couldn't come to her, for not being there when she got the news that her father was missing but that would make this about him and it wasn't about him so instead he kept his mouth shut.

Finally Beckett pulled herself off of Castle's shoulder and looked up at him. "Thank you, I feel better." She said with a sniff.

"You have nothing to thank me for, I'm sorry you have to go through this." He said looking down at her as he reached over and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I don't know how I am going to get through this." Beckett admitted brokenly, she never admitted to not being able to handle things this told Castle that it was bad but he wasn't sure what he could say to make it better so he just said the first thing that popped into his head.

"You did it before, you can do it again." Castle said trying to reassure the detective who sat on his hospital bed looking up at him with eyes that seemed so lost.

"I don't think I can do it this time. I am the one who pushed him back to it and I am so angry with him right now that I don't think I can help him and I am not sure he will even want my help." Beckett said and the lost look in her eyes was slowly giving way to one of panic.

Castle took a breath before he spoke and when he did he looked Beckett in the eyes so she could make no mistake about how serious he was. "As one father to another let me tell you that while he may have made a big mistake he can get over it. It's just one relapse and if it comes down to a choice between his addiction and his daughter, I know he will choose you."

"That may be how it works in books Castle but real life is seldom that clean and tidy." Beckett said with a sigh and Castle tried to interrupt her but she didn't let him. "When you have an addiction that is all that maters to you, I have seen fathers prostitute their preteen daughters for the money they need to fuel whatever addiction they have and I am sure they thought they loved their daughters but there are some battles that can't be won. Most alcoholics who relapse end up drinking themselves stupid and never make it back. My father may not be able to come back."

"That is not going to happen in this case." Castle insisted.

"Castle you have not seen him when he is drunk, he fought for years to get free how can you know he can make it?" Beckett asked looking up at Castle , she needed him to give her some hope even if she couldn't admit it.

"Well your dad is not those other people, You are right I have not seen him when he is drunk but I have seen how much he cares for you and he will fight to get back to you." Castle said forcefully then he added. "Plus he has you and you have me." This finally got a weak smile from Beckett.

"I hope that is enough." Beckett said looking at her father's watch that was around her wrist.

"It will be. As long as he is willing to fight we will stand by him and I don't care what mother says I will not allow any alcohol in the safe house. We will use that time to help him win this battle." Castle stated and the look in his eyes left no doubt that he believe they could do this.

"I wish I could have your faith in my father and me." Beckett admitted with a sad sigh.

"Hey." Castle said taking her chin in his hand and forcing her to look at him. "You did this on your own last time and now you have a family behind you."

"A family?" Beckett asked raising her left eyebrow.

"I admit we may be a weird family but I think of us as one, we all care about each other and we will all be there for you every step of the way." Castle stated with a smile.

"Okay, we will do this together." Beckett said a moment latter as she sat up straight and wiped the last tear from her eye.

"Together." Castle confirmed and then he added carefully. "This brings me to something else I wanted to talk to you about. They will not let me out of here unless I agreed to see a therapist regularly, they says with everything I have been through I will need one if I am going to learn how to cope with this." Castle motioned with his left hand indicating his legs. "I had one session with the the hospital therapist so he could asses me and I will not pretend it went well but I did feel a little better afterwords."

" Good I am glad, but I am not sure why you think you need to tell me this." Beckett replied puzzled. "If you think it's because I will think less of you because you are seeing one you don't need to worry about that, You have been through a lot and I am glad you are getting help." Beckett added quickly.

"Thank you, but that wasn't why I was telling you." Castle replied with a small smile and then took a breath before he spoke again, he knew he would have to tread lightly on this next part if he wanted to avoid a fight. "I was thinking that you have been through as much as I have between helping me and Alexis, your break up with Josh, and now this so I was thinking maybe you would want to see one yourself too."

"Are you saying I am crazy Castle!" Beckett shot at him and it seemed that despite his best attempts to avoid it the fight was coming. "I am fine, I am handling everything, I am not the one who was shot you are. I can't pretend to know what you are going through and I am not going to act like I am the real victim here."

"That is not how I see you and yes you are right, at this moment I feel awful but what I am going through affects you and you have your own issues. I just don't want you to burn yourself out." Castle insisted doing his best to remain calm but his voice did raise a little on the last part.

"Thanks for your concern Castle but really I am fine." Beckett stated and it wasn't in the manor of her talking to the person she was closest to in the world, it was the manor that she used when talking to a reporter or the next of kin of a murder victim, she was trying to reassure him without giving him any real information.

"No you are not, You can't be." Castle said forcefully and Beckett opened her mouth to protest but he didn't let her. "No one could be and you just said you don't think any less of me for going and you once told me it helped you before so I don't understand why you are so against the idea now."

Beckett stood up from the bed and ran her hands through her hair as she looked up at the ceiling. "I can't do this right now. My dad is about to come in drunk and I need to focus on dealing with that, so can we please not fight right now?" She looked down at Castle pleading with her eyes.

"Okay." Castle said a moment later, clearly not happy with how things were going. "Just promise me you will think about it."

"Okay I will think about it." Beckett said with a frustrated huff.

Before Castle could say anything else they were interrupted by a smiling Doctor Baker and three nurses entering the room. "Well I have good news for you Mister Castle, the power wheelchair you ordered has arrived so we are now ready to run the final tests, remove those tubes, and get you out of here." The middle aged, jolly, British doctor said with a big smile on his face.

"Great because I don't know if anyone has told you this but the food here tastes like money barf mixed with pipe cleaner." Castle said with a smile that he was forcing. He felt bad about himself and now he was worried about Beckett and wondering if their relationship could even last if she was getting this defensive this quickly but he wouldn't let anyone see this, he couldn't, He had given the people in his life enough trouble already. Instead he would do what he always did when he was in trouble and didn't know what to do, he would plaster on a smile and charm his way out of it.

"Well then the sooner we get this done the better." Doctor Baker said with a chuckle. "To be honest I bring my launch with me every day because I wouldn't give the food we serve here to a dog who was already dying." He said in a stage whisper as if he was telling Castle some secret that the writer was not supposed to know. This at least seemed to lighten the mood in the room for the moment. The doctor then turned to Kate. "I'm sorry but I will need you to leave the room so we have the space we need to work in here, detective Beckett." He said politely.

"I understand." Beckett said and then she turned her attention to Castle. "I will be just outside in the hall." Beckett said pointing out the door.

"Understood." Castle said and then added brightly. "The next time you seem me I will be mobile and able to get into trouble again."

"Is there any way you could keep him in that bed for the next thirty or forty years?" Beckett asked turning to Doctor Baker.

"I am afraid that would be against hospital policy, but just remember his wheelchair runs off a battery that can be unplugged." The doctor said with a chuckle.

"That's good to know.." Beckett replied thoughtfully.

"And she said I was a jackass." Castle said to one of the nurses. "Picking on the guy in the wheelchair is pretty low Beckett." he added with a sigh looking at the detective.

"Well consider it payback for three years of annoyance." Beckett retorted.

"As entertaining as all this is we do have work to do." Doctor Baker said as if he was talking to two out of control children.

"Right, I'll be in the hall." Beckett said and she left the room. She stepped out into the hall and was about to sit down and have some much needed quiet time when Will Sorrenson walked up to her.

"Hey, How are you doing?" Sorrenson asked quietly.

"I am fine." Beckett lied, in truth she was sick of being asked this question. She was spending so much time answering this question lately that she wasn't getting any time to herself to really think about if she was fine or not. She forced herself to believe that she was fine because she needed to be so she could be there for all the people who needed her but in truth what she really needed was some time to herself in the quiet to sort through everything that was happening but it seemed that day would not be today so she just sucked it up and lied both to other people and to herself.

"That's good." Sorrenson said nervously rubbing his hands together. "Look Kate your father was just brought in I had him put in the room next to Mister Castle's." He said pointing to the room to the right of Castle's and then he continued. "He is only half awake right now but I figured you would want to see him right away."

"Thanks, Will. You are right I do want to see him." More lies in truth the last thing Beckett wanted was to see her father drunk again and since she still wasn't sure who she was more upset with herself or her father she would not have minded a few hours or better yet a few days to sort through what she was feeling but years of being a cop had taught her that you couldn't pick when you would get to deal with problems, you just had to deal with them as they came up. She could handle this after all she dealt with killers every day, she should be able to handle her own father. Everything would be okay she told herself. "I'll head in now." She said and then turned and walked away from Sorrenson.

The door to the room was closed and Beckett froze as she placed her hand on the doorknob. She then took a deep breath to calm herself and put on the same emotional armor that protected her when she was dealing with New York's most dangerous killers, it would be enough to protect her. She wouldn't let her father get inside her armor, she wouldn't let him hurt her again and hopefully if she wasn't hurt again it would keep her from hurting him again. She took one last breath to steady herself and then turned the knob as she braced herself for one of the hardest conversations she would ever have to have in her life.

**I know I promised Jim in this chapter but once in a while for some reason my meds take half the day to start working and before they kick in I can't put two words together in printed form, then I forgot Thanksgiving is coming up and I am having to get the house ready for that so I just ran out of time. I am really sorry so little happened in this chapter and I know it wasn't really worth the wait but it was the best I could do today. Thanks for sticking with me despite these troubles. The Next chapter will have Jim in it and it will move the plot forward as Castle and company will finally be leaving the hospital.**

**Once again you guys always give amazing feedback so thanks for reading and reviewing and putting up with my delays and short chapters. You guys are great.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

There are few things in life that are worse for a child then having to stand by and watch as a parent deteriorates and when that damage is self inflicted or worse yet the child feels it is their fault that makes the pain all the more acute. Sadly Kate Beckett was watching this happen to her father Jim Beckett for the second time in his life and what made it even worse was that she thought he had conquered this demon years ago but as she entered the hospital room where her father had been placed she saw that his darkest days had returned and her worst fears had been confirmed.

Jim Beckett was seated in a hospital bed with a saline solution iv attached to his right arm. His eyes were red and puffy as well as squinting and being unfocused, it was plane to see that he was having trouble seeing anything clearly. His hair was messy and his clothes were rumpled and then there was the smell. Even from across the room Kate could smell the odor of beer and cheap liquor and it churned her stomach and made her want to hold her breath until she left the room, how come she was able to deal with the stench of dead bodies but not with the smell of alcohol coming off of her father? The answer was of course that this was more personal, the smell brought her all the way back to the worst days right after her mother died when she would have to pick up her father from one bar or police precinct or other because he had drunk himself to sleep. Those dark days when all she wanted was someone to lean on but instead she had to learn how to be strong for the only person she had to help her. Those were the days when she learned to shut herself down and to keep her pain from everyone including herself. It was a weakness she could not afford and she had never looked back from that choice, after all if she had not made that choice she would have just broken down and there would have been no one to help her father. Letting your feelings out got yourself and others hurt, so she didn't do it and yet in the past few weeks she had forgotten this lesson, was that a mistake? At times she was happier then she had been since her mother had died but she had to admit her feelings had caused her to make mistakes that hurt others. As her mind was brought back to the years when she made the choice to put up and hide behind her wall and she was reminded of why she had put it up she had to wonder if she needed to get back behind it in order to survive this ordeal. After all if she hadn't have gotten emotional her father would not be her right now, she was a professional detective she should know better then to think any good could come from letting people in or letting her emotions control her actions, it was time to put things right and stop making the same mistakes over again. Helping her father had to be the most important thing in her life right now and to do that right she needed to shut off her emotions. So that is what she did, Kate took a deep breath and then shoved her emotions down to the pit of her stomach and let her face go completely stoic. She could do this.

"Katie you are alright?" Jim asked as Kate entered the room, closing the door behind her. Thankfully Jim Beckett had never been a mean drunk, just a very sad one looking to escape his pain who would some times get out of control and do things like remove his pants because he wanted to sleep at the bar. His biggest problem was that once he got one drink into himself he never wanted to stop drinking. Jim's voice hand an out of tune almost sing song quality to it that it only took on when he was under the influence of alcohol and his face clearly showed that he was confused and having trouble focusing his eyes on his daughter no mater how much he may have wanted to focus on her, he was simply too drunk to see her clearly or focus on any one thing in the room.

"Mister Beckett I need you to sit back down in the bed so you don't rip your IV out." The Nurse said as she placed her hand on his chest and forced the older man back down into a sitting position.

"But you don't understand, my daughter is here and she isn't dead!" Jim protested trying to look at the nurse and failing.

"Okay, I understand and that is good news, but I still need you to sit down so you don't hurt yourself." The nurse said in a calm commanding tone.

"I don't care if I hurt myself, my daughter is over there!" Jim Beckett yelled out pointing with his left hand in a direction that was not even close to where his daughter was standing.

"Damn right you don't care about yourself!" Kate said angrily as she closed the distance between herself and her father and in that moment all her lofty ideals about keeping her emotions in check went out the window, hearing her father put into words what he had done caused all of her conflicting emotions to boil over and the force of what she said caused Jim to look at Kate and he seemed to be searching his addled brain for some kind of response but coming up short. Kate however was just aware and in control enough to know that she did not want to have this talk in front of a stranger so she turned her attention to the nurse for a moment. "Can you please give us a few minutes." She said to the young woman.

"I'm really not supposed to leave him alone." The nurse explained nervously. She clearly did not want to be a part of this scene any more then Kate wanted her to be there and she did not want to make the detective mad but she did have a job to do and she didn't want to get in trouble for leaving her post.

"You two should go home and get some sleep. I promise I'll still be here when you come back." Jim interrupted as he motioned for both the woman to leave.

"Is that the same type of promise that you made when you said you would never touch alcohol again?!" Kate blurted out before she could stop herself, half angry and half hurt.

"I didn't get that drunk. I just needed a few drinks because you are going to join your mother soon." Jim said defensively and then he looked away and started to break down into quiet tears.

"Please just give us a few minutes, I promise I will not let him hurt himself. I have been dealing with him like this since I was younger then you." Kate said forcefully as she fixed the nurse with the same glare that she used to stare down armed killers.

"Okay but I will be right outside the door." The nurse said a moment later and then she got up and left the room closing the door behind her.

Kate then turned her attention to her father who was still crying into his pillow. She was sure if she just left him there he would cry himself to sleep but she knew better then to let him do that because he needed to be kept in a sitting position and on a more personal note she was far too upset to wait to say what she had to say. "Why can't you ever be this sorry before you get drunk?!" She grumbled at her father as she took a seat beside him on the bed so she could keep him from getting up.

"I needed a drink, You are going to die just like your mom." Jim whined without looking at Kate.

"I am not going to die. I promise you." Kate said forcefully and she tried to make her father look at her but he shook his head out of her hand dropped it back onto the pillow.

"Yes you are. You think you can't be hurt but you are going to keep going at this and they will take you from me just like your mother. I can't lose you Katie." Jim's voice trialed off and became quiet on the last part as if it was something he was not supposed to admit out loud.

"So you decided to chase me off by drinking again so if I do live you will still lose me?!" Kate let out a frustrated huff.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. See my friends and brace for the pain." Jim said with a shrug.

"Those people are not your friends, your friends are the people who don't want you to die!" Kate shot back loud enough that her father finally looked at her.

"What is the point, I'll just live long enough to see you die?" Jim asked and tears began pouring out of his eyes. "I'm sorry I talked to the writer, but you will not listen to me and now he can't stop you so I have to watch you die. It's too much."

Kate's heart broke for a second, she was still incredibly angry with her father but she was also angry with herself, she had reduced him to this. He couldn't lose anyone else in his life so he had started trying to numb the pain and he didn't care if it killed him because at least that meant he wouldn't be around to watch her die. She couldn't stand this if only she had listened sooner, Castle would not have gotten shot and her father would not have fallen back into the pit he had worked so hard to craw out of. Still she could not let herself feel the guilt and she could not wallow in self pity, she had to pull him out of this and that meant she had to remain calm and in control so she summoned all of her inner strength and pushed her own feelings aside and looked her father in the eyes and spoke with a firm, calm, and commanding voice. "Listen to me, I need you to pay attention and hear this."

"What ever you say sweetie but just don't let that one woman hear you, she is mean." Jim whispered and it was clear to Kate that he was losing his focus so she would have to be quick.

"Listen to me. I am not going anywhere, I have dropped the case and you and I are going into protective custody with the FBI where we will both be safe because I can't lose you either so you need to stop drinking. Do you understand?" Kate asked patiently, the same way she would speak to a child knowing that in his current state her father would find all of this a little hard to follow, no doubt she would have to answer a lot of questions tomorrow when he woke up very confused in the safe house but she at least had to try and explain what was going on to him in the hope that he would stop trying to destroy himself. One thing was for sure the stay at the safe house was going to be long and hard.

"Oh that case you dropped, it's at my house." Jim replied trying to be as helpful as his current confused state of mind would allow him to be.

"Okay thank you." Kate said quickly and she was starting to lose patients. "But do you understand that I am no longer going after mom's killers and the FBI is going to keep us safe?"

"You are, that's wonderful!" Jim beamed up at his daughter and this time the full meaning of her words seemed to sink in. "We should celebrate with a drink." He said trying to get up out of the bed.

"No, we shouldn't. Remember how you can't lose me? Well I can't lose you, so no more drinking!" Kate said forcefully as she pushed Jim back down on the bed and now she was starting to lose her temper. "What you need to do is sit here and get sober for the trip. You need to decide which is more important to you, having me in your life or drinking."

"Okay" Jim said softly as he lay back in the bed and his eyes were starting to glaze over he then did something that took Kate by surprise, he made a sound with his mouth. "Ring Ring, ring ring." He imitated the sound of a phone ringing. This drew a puzzled look from Kate and she was just about to write it off as nothing when he spoke. "It's my fault you know." He said looking guilty for the first time in the conversation but he was now too tired to push himself up.

"What is?" Kate asked. "Getting drunk, I know that.

"No not that." Jim said waving her off. "Well yes that is my fault too but your mother being murdered. Ring ring, ring ring." He made the sound of the phone again at the end.

"How is that your fault, you had nothing to do with it. You can't blame yourself." Kate said looking down at her father but he turned his head away in shame.

"Ring ring, ring ring. I didn't put the pieces together until last year when you told me it wasn't gang related but I could have saved her but I stopped her from going to the police. I said it was nothing." Jim said softly and then he started to cry again.

"What do you mean by that?" Kate asked putting a hand on her father's shoulder but her question went unanswered because her father had drifted off to sleep and she knew when he was drunk like this nothing could wake him up.

What could that have meant, she hoped it was just drunk talk but what if it wasn't what if it was true? What if he could have saved her mother, would she ever be able to forgive him, more importantly would he ever be able to forgive himself. She had thought the only reason he started drinking again was that she was in danger so now that she no longer was chasing her mother's killers getting him sober would be easier then last time but if there was more too it then it could be a lot harder then then she had at first thought. No, it couldn't mean anything. She told herself. It was just drunk talk after all these people were powerful and the police had helped cover up the murder so there was nothing her father could have done. It was just confused drunk talk, right?

This was all too much for Kate and she had to get out of the room, she took a few moments to collect herself and then got up and stepped out of the room as she left the nurse walked back in. Beckett leaned against the wall and put her right hand over her eyes, she was reaching her breaking point. As strange as the thoughts sounded in her own head at that moment she was looking forward to getting to the safe house. She hated the idea of hiding but once she was at the safe house she would have some quiet time to herself to sort through everything that had happened to her lately and how she felt about it. What she needed most at that moment was some sleep and time to think and once she got to the safe house she would have it. Right now that thought was the most appealing idea in the whole world to her. The chance to stretch out on a nice soft bed and sleep without worrying about anything, what could be better?

Beckett was just finishing these thoughts when she heard someone walk up to her, one thing was for sure she was not going to get any sleep before she got to the safe house. In her head she let out as sigh as she opened her eyes to see who it was who seemed to need to talk to her. It was Will Sorrenson and what she saw on his face made her mad, it was a look of pity. The last thing Kate Beckett needed at that precise moment was pity from an ex boyfriend she had broken up with for good reasons.

"How is he and how are you?" Will asked carefully.

"He is fine and I am fine. He is just drunk, I have handled this before, a lot of times." Beckett answered tersely.

"Okay, that's good. Glad to hear it." Sorrenson answered carefully and it was clear from his expression and the way that he said it that he didn't believe her.

"It's true! Everything is fine. We can deal with this." Beckett insisted.

"I didn't say anything." Sorrenson said lifting up his hands in surrender, he knew better then to get on the wrong end of Beckett's wrath on a day like today.

"Was there anything else you wanted?" Beckett asked rather harshly.

"Yeah I just wanted to tell you that the agents came in from your father's place with your suitcase and some stuff we packed for him." He reported in a business like manor, he decided it was best not to comment on the problems he was sure Kate had, those were the writer's problems now and at that exact moment his thoughts were running along the lines of "and he can have them." His life was complicated enough at the moment.

"Good, anything else?" Beckett asked, she could sense that wasn't all he was there to say.

"Yes we are getting things set up to transport you all to the safe house. I am going to tell you what I told Mister Castle and his family. If there is anyone you need to talk to before you leave you should do it now because once we go you will have to hand over your cellphone. We know these people have agents in law enforcement so we can't take the chance of them tracking you via your cellphones. We will issue you new prepaid cellphones once we get to the safe house but you can not use them to contact anyone you know since it will put both you and them in danger." Sorrenson explained and he braced himself for Beckett's response. He knew she would not like this and he had already faced the wrath of an actress and a teenage girl who had been told they had to cut themselves off from everything they knew. Truth be told he considered himself lucky to be alive after that incident. To his surprise Kate's response was gentle and controlled as if she saw the logic of his argument and excepted it. Maybe she was just too drained emotionally to react any other way? He didn't know, all he did know that he was just happy not to have another fight on his hands.

"Okay, there is someone I would like to call." She replied.

"Alright, I'll just give you some privacy." Sorrenson said quietly and he turned and walked down the hall giving Beckett some space.

To tell the truth Beckett really didn't feel like talking to anyone at that moment, the last thing she wanted was to have yet another conversation but if she was going away for who knows how long there was one person she owed a call, she just hoped that she would not press her to talk about the day's events because she was sick of talking about them, she was sick of thinking about them, hell she was sick of living them! Still she owed Lanie a goodbye call at the very least, so with a sigh she pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and scrolled through the phone book until she found her friend's number and she pressed it.

"Well it's about time I heard from you!" A cheery yet annoyed voice answered a moment later.

"Hey Lanie, I am sorry I haven't called but things have been out of control." Beckett said in an apologetic tone and she meant it. Her only real friend deserved better then to be cut off and left to worry when things got tough. Lanie had been there for her in her darkest times and put up with her crying to her about her loneliness when now that Beckett looked back on the events if she were being honest she could see that the problem had largely been self inflicted. She should have said something when Agent Shaw made it clear how Castle felt but for some stupid reason she had held back and hurt herself and Josh not to mention Castle by doing it. Still the past couldn't be changed and she just had to push forward and try to be a good friend to Lanie from this point forward.

"What's wrong?" Lanie asked concerned.

"I don't really want to get into it right now." Beckett said with a sigh.

"Maybe I can help, come on it will help to get it all out there and besides haven't I been kept in the dark enough?" Lanie pressed.

Beckett could tell that her friend was sick and tired of having to guess about how she was doing and was getting more then a little fed up with how closed off she was. Did she owe it to her to open up? She guessed she did so with a sigh she went over the events of the past few days answering any questions Lanie had along the way, by the time she finished with the story of her father turning up drunk she was near to tears.

"Wow, I am so sorry." Was all Lanie said gently at first and then she added. "What does Writer Boy have to say about all this, I know he will be happy to help."

"He just says I need counseling, he thinks I am crazy or something." Beckett let out bitterly.

"Did he use those exact words?" Lanie asked sceptically, as if she was a mother trying to get the truth out of a naughty child.

"Well he didn't use those words exactly, but it's what he meant." Beckett replied defensively, now sounding like a naughty child trying to justify a lie or half truth they had just told.

"Really, tell me what he said exactly. Because I don't think that man would ever think you are crazy." Lanie demanded, still not convinced.

"Well he said he was getting some so maybe I should get some too." Beckett admitted at last.

"Don't you think he may have a point?" Lanie asked her friend pointedly.

"I don't know." Beckett said with a frustrated sigh and Lanie waited a moment for her to gather her thoughts. "Maybe but he was the one who was shot."

"Maybe but you were the one who had to watch him die. Girl I saw the breakdown you had. Talking to someone about it couldn't hurt." Lanie interrupted.

"It's not that simple." Beckett protested. "I have Alexis, Castle, and my Father counting on me, I can't afford to have a break down right now."

"And how much good do you think you are going to do them if you run yourself into the ground and let life destroy you?" Lanie pressed.

"So you think I should go in for counseling?" Beckett asked after giving it a moment's thought.

"I don't know." Lanie said a few moments latter with a sigh. "All I do know is that you had a ton of issues before this and having your father turn up drunk and having to watch the man you love die can't of helped. I am not there with you every second but Writer Boy is and I know he wants what is best for you so I think you should at least consider it."

"Yeah I guess, it just seems like one thing too many on my plate." Beckett conceded a moment later.

"Look do you want this relationship you have with Castle to work out or not?" Lanie asked forcefully.

"Of course I do, how can you ask me that?" Beckett demanded, shocked. Then she added. "He has been waiting three years, we love each other, and if I am being completely honest I think he may be the one." Beckett was shocked to hear herself admit this out loud for the first time. Maybe there was something to be said for calling your best friend when your emotions were raw, if nothing else it was forcing her to be honest with herself.

"If that is true then I think you should go in and at least try the counseling." Lanie said evenly.

"Why, do you think Castle will break up with me if I don't?" Beckett asked and there was a hint of panic in her voice.

"No, I don't think that at all!" Lanie injected quickly and then went on to explain calmly. "It's just that girl some times you can have more issues then a news stand and you tend not to let the people who love you in to help you and that can be hard for a man like Castle to sit back and watch."

"What do you mean a man like Castle?" Beckett asked puzzled.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you don't see it girl, it's the biggest reason you love him!" Lanie replied her tone full of disbelief. "If you just go by the papers he is a self centered playboy but we have both been around him long enough to know that is only the part he lets out when he is board and wants to have some fun. The thing that he really lives for is to help the people in his life that he cares about. He is loaded but he doesn't seem to place much value on the money besides what he can do for the people he loves with it. He dropped one hundred grad just to get a lead on your mother's killer. The man really feels alive when he is helping people and if you want to know what I think, he sticks around the precinct as much to help people as to be around you."

Beckett smiled a bit at the memory and then asked. "Okay I get it he has to help people and you are right I love him for it, but what does that have to do with me and counseling?"

"You will not let him in to help you." Lanie explained forcefully. "So he just has to sit by and watch you in pain, how long do you think he is going to be able to handle that. If you will not let him help you have to at least let someone else help you or this relationship will fall apart."

Beckett thought about this for a moment and she couldn't refute any of her friend's logic and she did want things to work out and she didn't want to cause Castle any more pain, so maybe she could do it, for Castle. After all didn't she owe it to him to give them the best shot she could. "Okay, I'll do it." Beckett said quietly a moment latter.

"Well good for you, I really don't want to have to sit with you through another break up." Lanie replied.

This brought a sad smile to Beckett's lips and then her thoughts returned to the reason she had called in the first place. "Lanie there is something I have to tell you?" She said carefully. "You are not going to hear from me for a while but I will be okay so I need you not to worry."

"What's going on. Are you and Writer Boy eloping already?" Lanie teased.

"No nothing like that." Beckett explained. "The FBI is taking us into witness protection at some point today and until they think we will be safe we can't contact anyone from our lives. I'm sorry."

Lanie seemed to take a minute to process this before replying. "Well I will miss you and that is a fact." She said sadly and then added. "But really I think it is for the best. These people keep coming and I will feel a lot better knowing that you are not standing out there with a big bullseye on your back."

"Thanks, I will miss you too Lanie." Beckett said with a smile. "Can you do me a favor and explain everything to the boys and tell them I said bye?" Beckett asked her friend. "I am just feeling so drained and I am not up to explaining all this twice more."

"Sure, no problem." Lanie replied.

"Thanks and thanks for talking some sense into me." Beckett said and at that moment she felt truly lucky to have such a good friend.

"Anytime, what else am I here for." Lanie replied brightly and then added on a sadder note. "I will miss you and I look forward to seeing you when this whole thing is over."

"Me too Lanie, me Too. Goodbye." Kate said and a tear almost escaped her eye but she caught it, she would not cry over this. She would see Lanie again and hopefully very soon. She hung up the call and then took a moment to think.

Lanie was right she owed it to Castle to let him help her, sure he had his issues but so did she and she didn't like it when he shut her out so she could not shut him out. She saw now that since he had woken up they had been trying to act normal and avoiding all the things that had changed for fear of scaring the other person off but relationships that lasted were not build on hiding things from each other. Beckett wanted to help Castle not hurt him but she knew nothing would hurt him more then if she let this relationship go the way of all her others, so she would not let that happen. She still didn't like the idea of going in for counseling and she wasn't sure how much good it would do but if it would do any good and give Castle some much needed peace of mind she would give it a shot. She now had a plan of action. She didn't really want to talk to anyone else but she decided that she had to, right away her next stop would be making things right with Castle. They may have started out on the wrong footing but she would now be completely honest with him and put their relationship on a solid footing for the first time. They would make it, she would not let anything least of all her own pride and fears stand in the way.

Before she could put this plan into action she saw someone walking down the hall towards her. The person was Alexis Castle, and she was crying.

**Well the holiday that I somehow forgot was coming through all my plans for this week to the wind. I hope this chapter was worth the wait.**

**As always you guys are the best and thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Alexis Castle approached detective Kate Beckett with tears streaming out of the corner of her eyes, slowly and looking in no direction but dead ahead. The girl was clearly in shock over something, she was crying but also lost to the world at the same time and was seeking comfort from someone she trusted. For a moment Beckett had to wonder how that had ever become her, after all before this she and the girl had never been very close. Then Beckett's mind drifted back to the events of the past year and she had to wonder, had she just missed the signs of how much this girl cared for and looked up to her? When she had interned at the precinct Beckett had just assumed it was because she looked up to her father and wanted to be like him, but had it really been because she was looking up to her? When she had come to her for advice on a student exchange program Beckett had also just assumed it was because she was the only person the girl knew even slightly who had been part of such a program, but had there been more too it then that? When she had stayed briefly at the loft the teenager had always smiled at her and had talked to her every morning, again she had just assumed the redhead was either being polite or trying to find out what her intentions were towards her father, but now she saw that there may have been more to it then that. This thought shocked Beckett for a moment, she had never been a kids or baby person and she had never thought of herself as anyone who should be looked up to. After all she had so many problems and had made so many mistakes in her life and plus she was just a cop. She didn't think she was ready to be a role model for a teenage girl when she couldn't figure her own life out and she sure had not asked for it. Wasn't that the sort of job that should go to a mother? Then Beckett remembered who the girl's mother was and it became clear why she would turn to the detective in her life instead. What was this hold she seemed to have over members of the Castle family? They all seemed to think she was some sort of super hero when the truth was she didn't even think of herself as a regular hero, she was just a cop doing her job and she had a lot more problems then most cops she knew. How was she supposed to do this? Still she may not have asked for the job but she had taken it so despite the fact that she didn't feel ready for it she had to do the job as best as she could and hope for the best. So she took a breath and began walking down the hall to meet the teenage redhead.

Alexis stopped just short of the detective and stood there in the middle of the hall with silent tears streaming down her face but she would not look up at Beckett.

"Alexis what is wrong?" Beckett asked showing how concerned she was with her tone of voice. It was not a brilliant opening but it was the best Beckett could come up with in her current state of mind. Her greatest fear was that something unexpected had happened to the girl's father since she had left his hospital room. Alexis didn't answer so Beckett, struggling to keep her own fears under control stepped forward and hugged the girl. A second later Alexis returned the hug and buried her face in Beckett's chest but she still did not look up at her. After about a minute of this Alexis' crying seemed to come under control and the redhead let go of the the detective so Beckett let go of her and let the teenager take a step back and then Beckett spoke again. "Has something gone wrong with your father?" She asked gently. She had to know what was going on and could not wait another second to know what was going on with Castle.

"No, it's not that." Alexis said with a sniff and then looked away falling silent again.

"Then what is it?" Beckett pressed and then added in a comforting tone. "Whatever it is I am here for you and will do my best to help. It's clear you need to talk to somebody about whatever it is so please talk to me." Beckett's feelings at that moment were a mixture of concern and relief. She was concerned about whatever had happened to shake Alexis so much but she was also relieved that it wasn't something wrong with Castle. At that moment she wanted nothing more then to race into the writer's hospital room and confirm with her own eyes that he was alright but Alexis clearly needed someone at this moment so she would deal with the girl and her problem first.

"Why don't we take a seat and you can tell me all about it." Beckett said motioning to a medium sized metal bench that was just a little ways down the hall. Alexis nodded her agreement punctuated by another sniff and followed Beckett to the bench where they sat down. Alexis then leaned her head on Beckett's right shoulder and continued to sniff but at least her crying had stopped. Beckett just kept rubbing the girl's head and muttering "It will be okay." over and over again despite the fact that she had no idea what she was reassuring the girl would be okay, it just seemed like what was needed at that moment.

A few minutes latter Alexis sat up with one last sniff and for the first time since they had met in the hall looked up at the detective. Her eyes were red and had a lost look to them but she seemed to be under control at that point so Beckett decided that it felt like the right moment to find out what was going on. "Are you ready to tell me about it?" Beckett asked carefully. Alexis nodded that she was so Beckett asked once again. "Okay, what has happened?"

"I called Ashley to tell him I wouldn't be able to talk to him for a while." Alexis said brokenly. Over the past week Beckett had heard a lot about Ashley, the boy had called three or four times a day to talk to Alexis, he seemed to be the teenager's first love. Suddenly Beckett had a sinking feeling, she had a fairly good idea of where this story was going but she kept it to herself and let Alexis continue telling it, knowing that the best thing to do was to let the girl talk it out. "He was really upset. He said this summer was supposed to be our time to be together before he went away to college. He said he was my boyfriend and I should still talk to him every day. He couldn't understand that I am not allowed to talk to him."

Alexis then broke down into tears again and Beckett just held her as she cried again, this was not going well but truth be told Beckett had no idea what to say, so she just hugged the girl and waited for her to cry it all out of her system. When Alexis finally finished and pushed herself away again Becket looked down at the girl and asked gently. "Then what happened?"

"He said that he couldn't wait for months and months wondering if he would ever see me again." Alexis explained as a tear ran down her face and then she became angry and there was a fire in her eyes. "He then said I wasn't taking the relationship seriously, Can you believe that?!"

"I am so sorry, none of this is your fault." Beckett said trying her best to help the girl but not sure exactly what to say to make this all better. In truth it was all her fault, it was her mother's case and she was the one who wouldn't step away and now she had messed up Alexis' life in more ways then one, so she would stand by the girl and try to fix the damage as best as she could.

"I know that, I didn't ask for my dad to get shot or for a bomb to go off. Shouldn't he just be happy I am okay!" Alexis raged standing up and walking back and forth in front of Beckett. Beckett didn't stand up to follow the girl instead she silently sat on the bench and let her vent all of her anger and frustration. "He says that he loves me but then all he cares about is what he is going to do this summer, that can't be love, right?!" Alexis fumed as she turned to face Beckett from across the hall.

"No, it's not." Beckett agreed.

"If he really loved me wouldn't he be happy I was going to be protected and shouldn't he be more worried about my safety then his summer plans?!"

"You are right." Beckett nodded, agreeing again.

"I mean he acts like this is all my fault when it isn't, I didn't ask to be cut off from all of my friends and I sure as hell didn't ask for someone to try and kill my dad!" Alexis nearly yelled as she run her hands through her hair and shocked Beckett, she had never heard the normally soft spoken girl curse before and then it hit her just how badly she had screwed up and she couldn't find any words so she just looked down at her feet, a feeling of shame overwhelming her for the moment.

This caused Alexis to come rushing over to Beckett and kneel down in front of her and place her hand on the older woman's shoulder. "You don't think I blame you, do you Kate?" Alexis asked desperately.

"Well it is my fault." Beckett said looking at the girl with a beaten and guilty expression on her face.

"No it isn't!" Alexis insisted firmly. "You didn't want your mother to get killed any more then I wanted my dad to get shot and you didn't do anything wrong, you have a right to find the people who killed her."

"But if I had just dropped the case none of this would have happened." Beckett explained.

"You didn't know it went this far when you and my dad started looking into it and you had no way of knowing these people would go this far. You were only doing your job." Alexis said sternly.

"How can you say that, have can you forgive me after everything I have done to you?" Beckett asked shocked, she could not for a moment understand how the girl could stand being near her after everything that had happened.

"Because there is nothing to forgive. You didn't do any of this. If you are going to blame someone blame the monsters who murdered your mother and who shot my dad, they are the ones who are forcing us to hide because they are willing to blow up a hospital to get to you and my dad. Blame them, that is who I blame." Alexis said firmly.

"Thank you." Was all Beckett could bring herself to say, she was shocked by this display from the girl.

"Remember you have been here for me since this started and you dropped the case as soon as it became clear that it was putting other people in danger, that is what matters." Alexis said standing up.

"Yeah I guess, it just doesn't feel like I have done enough." Beckett admitted and she was shocked to find herself saying this. What had happened between her and this child that she was now being comforted by her when it should be the other way around? Why was she being so honest with a teenager when she couldn't be honest with her father or Castle? How had they developed this bond in so short a space of time? Beckett wasn't sure and it was just one more thing she was going to have to sort through later but right now she needed to make sure the girl standing in front of her was okay.

"You know the break up isn't your fault either, right?" Beckett asked looking up at the teenager.

"I know." Alexis said with a sigh as she sat down beside the older woman. "And logically I know this was just a high school dating thing and that it wouldn't have lasted but it still hurts." Alexis said and she sniffed but she didn't cry, instead she leaned over against the detective and Beckett put her right arm around the girl.

"Yeah I know how it feels, these things are never easy and I wish you didn't have to go through it. Just know that you will find someone else. You are an amazing person and you will find a guy who will stick by you through things like this some day." Beckett said comforting the girl.

"Yeah I guess, it just will not be Ashley." Alexis said with a sad sigh.

"Are you going to talk to your father about this?" Beckett asked.

"No, he has enough problems of his own right now without me adding my high school drama into the mix." Alexis replied.

"Alexis your father always has time for you and I know he will want to help you." Beckett said seriously as she turned to face the girl sitting beside her while removing her arm.

"I know and normally I would go to him but he is going to be getting used to being in a wheelchair and I don't want to add to his stress." Alexis explained with a sigh.

"You will not be." Beckett said firmly but Alexis didn't seem to buy it so she continued to explain. "You father lives to help you and the only thing that will add to his stress is if you treat him differently now that he has been disabled. What he needs most from you is to know that you still trust him and that he can still help you. The worst thing you could do is make him feel useless and force him to watch you in pain."

"Are you sure, you don't think this will be too much?" Alexis asked, clearly worried but it also seemed to Beckett that she was looking for permission to take her problems to her father once again.

"I am sure." Beckett said firmly. "It's only his legs that are not working not his head or his heart, you both still need each other."

"Okay, thanks." Alexis said looking up at Beckett and she took a moment to think before she continued. "I guess I knew all that I just needed to hear someone say it out loud, thanks for letting me talk to you."

"Any time, are you feeling better?" Beckett responded with a small smile.

"A little, but it still hurts." Alexis admitted.

"It will for a time, this is sadly all part of growing up." Beckett said as her smile turned bittersweet as her own memories of having her heart broken in high school washed over her.

"Yeah I know, it doesn't make it suck any less when you have to live through it." Alexis said somewhat sadly.

"No it doesn't and it's okay to be sad." Beckett said nodding her agreement.

"Well thanks again for seeing me through it." Alexis said with a grateful smile and then pushed herself up into a sitting position and the two woman sat there quietly for a few moments.

It was about the time that Alexis finished drying her eyes that she and Beckett heard a strange sound coming their way. It was Doctor Baker but he was not the one making the sound of a small motor and the first one to speak, that honor fell to the man directly behind him, Richard Castle.

"Hey check out the new wheels!" He beamed forcing a smile and Beckett looked up at him and she didn't know why she was shocked, of course any wheelchair Castle ordered would be a top of the line custom model with all sorts of insane extras.

The wheelchair was pitch black with a dark red racing stripe going all the way around it from one arm rest to the other. The wheels were bigger, lower to the ground, and the tires were larger then most wheelchairs. Beckett guessed that this feature was to make it all terrain so it wouldn't be limiting to just the inside of buildings and paved streets. The left hand arm rest contained all the controls needed to operate the chair and a read out that indicated how much charge was left in the battery. The right hand arm rest had some sort of touchscreen control pad that seemed to be inactive at that moment, Beckett wasn't sure what purpose it served but she was sure it was something related to gadgets that most wheelchairs didn't have. There were also some holes are the inside of the arm rests, Beckett assumed that this were for securing some sort of tray that that could hold either food or a laptop computer on it. There was also a cup holder on the right arm rest in front of the touchscreen and what looking like an Apple charging station on the left hand arm rest behind the controls for the chair it's self.

"Dad you are up!" Alexis practically screamed as she raced towards her father and jumped into his lap, hugging him hard, Castle winced a little in pain but he didn't let his daughter see it and instead returned the hug, at that moment the teenager completely forgot about all her own troubles, she was completely happy for the first time in a long time.

The scene unfolding in front of her made Beckett smile herself as she stood up and she started to believe that everything was going to be okay. The smile quickly left her lips as she walked over to Castle and for the first time ever found herself looking down at him, she was so used to looking up at him that it made the whole world feel wrong. It then completely sunk in just how limited Castle was going to be by his disability, and she couldn't imagine what his life, what their lives were going to be like moving forward. Still he was alive and mobile and that was the important thing. Plus Castle and his daughter seemed to be happy so Beckett was not about to spoil their moment, she was sure the next few months would be hard enough so she would let them have this moment of perfect happiness, she painted on a smile and stepped forward.

"Nice to see you out of that bed, finally." She said looking down at her partner and then as Alexis got out of his lap she thought she spotted fear in his eyes. She knew what it was, now that she was aware of just how much things had changed for him did it change the way she felt about him? She knew only one way to show him that it did not so she did something she normally wouldn't do in public. She bent down and kissed him, this got an instant reaction from him as he reached up to her head and pulled her down deepening the kiss. Alexis Slammed her eyes shut and turned away but didn't say or do anything to stop them. A few moments latter they both finally pulled away.

"Wow." Was all Castle could say softly.

"Yeah it just keeps getting better and better." Beckett agreed.

"Oh Richard it's so good to see you up!" They were interrupted by a loud female voice coming at them from behind, the voice of course belonged to Martha Rodgers who came running down the hall and hugged her son, just barely giving Beckett time to step out of the way before she did so.

"Well it's good to be up and around." Castle replied unable to think of anything else to say.

"Excuse me but there are some final instructions I would like to go over with all of you." Doctor Baker said breaking into the happy reunion. All eyes turned to the fat doctor.

"First of all her are some prescriptions for pain medications that you will want to fill right away." Doctor Baker said holding out several pieces of paper.

"I'll take those." Another voice said. It was Sorrenson who had at some point while everyone was paying attention to Castle joined the little gathering in the hall. He held out his hand and snatched the papers from the doctor, who didn't look too happy about this.

"Mister Castle is this alright with you?" He asked concerned, looking at the writer in the wheelchair.

"It's best if you don't go out in public, I will have these taken care of." Sorrenson explained simply, turning to face Castle.

"Well I guess it's okay." Castle said with a sigh, not liking the way this man seemed to be trying to cut him out of his own life and put him down in front of Beckett.

"All right." Doctor Baker said with a huff and then continued. "You will need to have a nurse help Mister Castle in and out of the chair for things like getting in and out of bed and going to the bathroom until you have have learned how to assist him." Doctor Baker looked at the family.

"That is already taken care of as well." Sorrenson said in full take charge FBI special agent mode.

This got an eye roll from Castle, he still didn't like the man much and he hated the idea of him running his life. He was fed up with the sight of him after just one day, he didn't want to think about how he was going to feel in a week or two. What was more the man was in a perfect position to make a move on Kate, and now he had the fact that he could walk going for him. Castle was not happy at all. One thing was for sure wheelchair or no wheelchair, Castle was not going down without a fight.

"Okay here is some information about Mister Castle's condition and how it should be treated." Doctor Baker said and he held out a stack of papers about as thick as a phone book that seemed to be freshly printed off of a computer and stapled together.

"I'll take those too." Sorrenson said snatching the papers and now Castle was getting angry, he shot Sorrenson a look but the special agent seemed to miss it. Castle guessed the "man" wasn't smart enough to pick up on something like that, they would have to have words latter.

"Are there any questions?" Doctor Baker asked.

"What are the chances that my dad will walk again?" Alexis asked nervously, Beckett was grateful that she had asked the question that was on her mind, she really wanted to know the answer but she was afraid if she asked the question Castle would think that it was important to her and it would affect how she felt about him so she was very glad she didn't have to ask.

The doctor took a breath and then began to explain in a professional manor. "Recovery from spinal nerve damage is a hard thing to predict. However Mister Castle does stand a good chance of recovering since the nerves were not destroyed only damaged. They may repair themselves in time but it will take a year or more, if it happens at all."

"But what are the chances." Martha pressed and everyone could tell she was scared, she needed her only son to be okay.

"I would say he has a sixty forty shot in favor of recovery." The doctor said after giving it a moment's thought. This drew smiles from everyone except Castle who was still steamed at Sorrenson that is until he looked at Kate and for some reason seeing her smile at him caused some of the old longings to come back and a thought crossed his mind but he didn't want to voice it in front of others.

"Can you all give Kate and I a moment alone with the doctor?" Castle asked nervously.

"Why dad, what's up?" Alexis asked puzzled.

"It's just I have something private to ask...him." Castle explained becoming flustered.

"Oh for goodness sake Richard, we are all adults here!" Martha said throwing up her hands in exasperation. "I think what my son wants to ask you is if he and Kate can have sex." Martha said turning her attention to Doctor Baker.

This got a reaction from everyone in the room. Kate turned away her face red, Alexis said "Yuck" and looked like she was going to be sick, Sorrenson looked like he couldn't decide what reaction to have so he just stood in place looking uncomfortable, and Castle let out a stern and angry "Mother!"

"It's alright. I had a feeling this question would come up." Doctor Baker said with a nervous chuckle and then he looked at Castle. "The answer is that yes as long as you are careful and use positions that don't put stress on the spine it should be fine. There are details in the paperwork I gave agent Sorrenson."

"Okay that is TMI!" Alexis said looking like she was going to die of embarrassment and Beckett didn't look much better, suddenly another go with her drunken father didn't seem like a bad idea to the detective.

"Are there any other questions?" The doctor asked, everyone shook their heads no, so he then said his farewell and headed into the elevator down the hall.

There was a very uncomfortable silence in the hall but it only lasted a minute as Sorrenson stepped in front of the group and began to speak, taking charge. "And it is time for us to go now too." He informed the group. "I just got word that the vans are here."

"Excuse me but vans?" Beckett asked. "Will I thought we were all going to the same place." The fact that Beckett used Sorrensons first name did not escape Castle's notice and it worried him but no one was playing attention to him at that moment so they missed the look of hurt and anger that past over his face.

"We are." Sorrenson explained. "All three vans are set up to take all of us to an FBI safe house where we will be met with a security team. All three are armored, as well as having partitions that will keep the drivers from seeing or over hearing anything in the back. The drivers have been instructed not to get out of the vans and each van will take a different route to a different safe house, the drivers will not even know which van we are really in."

Well at least he isn't taking any chances Beckett thought to herself. It was then that she saw a sight that brought a single tear to her eye. Two FBI agents came out of her father's room carrying the sleeping form of her passed out drunk father between them. Still now was not the time to focus on that, they were all leaving their old lives behind for who knew how long and that single thought shook Beckett to her core. Still this was her family now and she would be strong for them so she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders and fell in line with the group, walking beside Castle as they followed Sorrenson down the hall and to their knew lives. Castle must have sensed Beckett's mood because he picked that moment to reach up with his hand and give her's a reassuring squeeze. That one action gave Beckett hope that no mater what the future held as long as they were together they would be okay.

**All right as always you guys are great and thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The drive to the safe house lasted four or five hours with one stop at a gas station for the the van to refuel and to give everyone a chance to use the restroom. It was at this stop that Beckett got her first real glimmer of just how hard the days, weeks, or months that followed would be for Castle and everyone else. Of course he needed help using the toilet since he was not fit to lift himself in or out of the chair but he wouldn't let Beckett help him, he was not about to let Alexis help him, and he sure as hell didn't want to let Sorrenson or one of the two other agents help him. This little detail turned into a five minute fight that nearly resulted in Castle breaking down. Finally Castle relented and let one of the agents, a young man named Edwards help him but he was in a bad mood for the rest of the trip and spent his time stewing quietly and not talking to anyone. It was clear he felt humiliated and useless after the incident and Beckett tried to reassure him by holding his hand but he just pulled it away. Beckett was hurt and wanted to say something but she decided that the back of a van surrounded by other people was not the best place to do so. She hoped that by the next day after he had a good night's sleep Castle would be feeling better.

Jim Beckett woke up a few times during the trip, he was awake just long enough to mumble something and then fall back asleep. Luckily Jim had never been an angry drunk, just a depressed one looking to numb the pain of his life so Kate didn't have to worry about her father flipping out on anyone or anything like that. All she had to worry about was getting him sober so that he didn't drink himself to death and that was a big enough job. Still a long stay in a secluded location without any alcohol would make that job easier but he was sure to be going through the pains of detox for the next few days and that would not be pleasant. Kate was not looking forward to the next few days, that was for sure. She had hoped she was done with days like these years ago and she didn't like that her father had fallen so far backwards, still there was nothing that could be done about it now and she would just have to deal with the problem she had and she knew that it could be a lot worse.

Martha did her best to keep the mood cheerful by telling exaggerated stories about times she was on tour with various plays. Most of the stories focused on the details of how she traveled from place to place and how thanks to penny pinching producers the travel conditions were far worse then what they had now. Being that they were currently in a van with no windows most of the actress' companions found this hard to believe.

Early on in the trip Alexis Castle began looking a little ill, Kate Beckett was sitting across from her and noticed. After about half an hour of the teenager looking ill and not looking like she was getting any better the detective leaned forward to talk to the redhead.

"Alexis are you alright?" Kate whispered, concerned.

"Yeah I am fine." Alexis replied a moment later. "I just don't do well in cars without windows, I am getting a little motion sick." Beckett nodded that she understood and didn't bring up the issue again, she figured the girl had enough on her plate without people making a fuss over her.

Finally after what seemed like days the occupants of the vans heard and felt it make a turn on to what felt like gravel and after about a minute of driving on it the van came to a stop.

"Okay we are here, Everybody out." Sorrenson said, forcing a smile.

It took a good five minutes for everyone to get out of the van, mainly because it took a while to lower Castle in his wheelchair out of it. When they finally stepped out everyone except Jim Beckett, who was dragged into the house by the two FBI agents, took a minute to stretch after their long car ride and take in their surroundings.

The area they were in was thickly wooded but the trees had been cleared for several acres around the good sized two story house and the gravel drive way that led to it. The drive way seemed to be at least a couple of hundred yards long but that was just a guess on any of their parts. The woods were full of the sounds of bugs and birds all conversing like mad, if nature had a version of Twitter this was it. Looking just past the house two rather large sheds could be seen just to the left of the house and back another several hundred yards, they seemed to have their own gravel drive way that went past the shed in front and stopped at the shed in back. Just beyond the shed in the back the woods got thicker again. If there were any neighbors around they could not be seen through the trees or heard over the natural sounds of the woods.

The house it's self while not large was a good sized two story house that if Castle were forced to guess he would assume had been built in the early to mid nineties. The house had white siding on the side and bright blue decorative shutters on either side of the windows. Both the front and back of the house featured wheelchair ramps that led onto large porches. The porch on the front of the house was open to the cool night breeze and the smell of the woods after a fresh rain, but the back porch was screened in and had a large sliding door that opened up not only to the back yard but to a decent sized in ground swimming pool that featured a diving board on the end farthest from the house. It was clear that whoever had build this house while not rich by Castle's standard did have a decent amount of money and had made themselves comfortable and judging by how low the windows went Castle guessed that at least one of the people the house had been build for was in a wheelchair and the house had been build with this person in mind. It would do but the whole place was just too quiet for Castle's liking. It was only just after nine and and the only light he could see came from the house and the only people he could hear were standing besides him. For someone who thrived on New York's night life, this place, wherever it was would be a huge adjustment.

"Can I have everyone's attention please." Sorrenson called out as if he was calling a meeting to order after giving everyone a few minutes to look around. All eyes turned to the FBI special agent and he began to speak. "I would just like to take a few minutes to familiarize all of you with the house, your cover story, and what to do in case of an emergency."

"Where are we?" Alexis asked, she clearly was no more impressed by their surroundings then her father.

"You are in the countryside of Sussex Country Delaware, I wanted to get you as far away from New York as I could without putting you all on a plane or spending too long in transit." Sorrenson explained.

"Why?" Castle asked puzzled, he clearly was not impressed by the FBI special agent.

"Whoever the people are who are after you clearly have a power base in New York so staying anywhere near the city did not seem prudent, the two decoy safe houses are in the state of New York and for added security only myself and my team of two know exactly where we have taken you." Sorrenson answered and he seemed to be becoming annoyed with the writer.

"That seems a little over kill, Did you really have to take us completely off the map?" Martha piped in, the actress was completely out of her element in this location, she had never liked farms or the country and she always needed work in order to be happy and actresses find work in the city, not in back woods egg producing country.

"Also what are we supposed to do in emergencies?" Castle interrupted and he was clearly losing patients with Sorrenson.

"I will be coming to that in a minute. As for why I brought you so far out here, I am not taking any chances." Sorrenson stated firmly, he knew better then to get drawn into a debate with irate citizens but there was something about Castle that just brought out the worst in him. Maybe it was the fact that when they first met they were both competing over Kate, he was not sure all he knew was that he had a habit of acting like a child around the writer and he would have to watch out for that. He took a breath and got a hold of himself and then continued as if he was speaking with any other family who he was trying to protect, and not a family who seemed to know how to push all of his buttons. "You all have the same first names and you are a family from Boston who has come down here to get away from the noise of the city while Rick, who is a banker, recovers from getting hit by a bus a month ago. Your last names are Pinkerton." Sorrenson said explaining the cover, no one seemed to be impressed except strangely enough Castle.

Castle for the first time since he had met the man found himself feeling something other then annoyance and hate towards Sorrenson. He was mad at himself for feeling this but at that moment he was kind of impressed, all the precautions he had taken were straight out of one of his books and he had to admit he liked the name that the special agent had chosen, maybe there was more to his ravel then met the eye. "Like the detectives who used to guard the President before there was a secret service." He piped in with a grin.

"Exactly." Sorrenson stated and he was about to go on when he was interrupted by Kate.

"Excuse me but Rick and I are married?" The detective asked, clearly flustered by this revelation.

"Yes, you will find wedding bands in your bedroom which is the only one on the ground floor." Sorrenson explained as if it were nothing.

"You put us in the same room?!" Kate asked her face showing a mixture of anger and shock.

"Yes, or course. I assumed that would not be a problem." Sorrenson answered and Beckett wanted to punch him at that moment but the feeling didn't last long because Castle moved up beside her and spoke, and he seemed to have let the jackass half of himself out.

"No, that will not be a problem." He said easily and Beckett wanted to punch the smug grin right off of his face but she felt like she was trapped. Right now Sorrenson was not making a move on her because he clearly thought she and Castle had been together for a while, if she objected then she would give the impression that something was wrong with the relationship and he would see it as an invitation to make a play for her and she didn't want to deal with that at the moment so instead she just decided to grin and bear it for the moment, but Castle had better not expect her to change anywhere but the bathroom, with the door shut and locked. She decided that she would have words, angry words with Castle once they were out of earshot of Sorrenson.

"No, it's not a problem. I am just used to going back to my own place at the end of the day." She explained and did her best to act like the situation was not bothering her, it clearly wasn't bothering Castle and that was yet another reason she wanted nothing more then to slap him at that moment but she kept herself under control. A thought then crossed her mind and she spoke up. "Wait a second, what is my father's last name?" She asked looking at the special agent who was quickly becoming a thorn in her side.

"His last name is Miller, that is a name no one will pay much attention to around here." Sorrenson explained and damn him he was acting like everything was normal and he hadn't just put Kate in a very awkward situation.

"What about security, I don't see any around here?" Beckett's question came out a little harsh, she would clearly like nothing better at that moment then to catch the FBI special agent off of his game, alas her hopes were dashed a second later.

"My men and I will be staying the shed closest to the house, it is set up to monitor security for the inter property." Sorrenson explained. "There is a security system that has the pass code 9283, which you will need to use when you exit and enter the house. There are two panic rooms you can enter with that code, one is in the first floor master bedroom, the other is on the second floor inside the room where we have placed Misses Rodgers."

"Are we stuck at this house for the whole time we are here?" Alexis asked even a blind man could tell that idea did not appeal to the social teenage girl one bit.

"No, of course not. That would draw attention to you, you do have neighbors even if you can't see them at the moment." Sorrenson explained with a chuckle as he tried to lighten the mood, this drew a sigh of relief from everyone one there, it seemed non of them were overly fond of their new home. Sorrenson then continued. "There is a car and a minivan in the garage." Sorrenson then pointed to the attached garage that had both of it's large doors closed at the moment. "The minivan is set up to handle Mister Castle's wheelchair and you are free to use either car to visit the surrounding towns. However please tell myself or one of the other agents before you go."

"What happens if we get into trouble away from the house?" Castle asked, he was no longer warming to the special agent, he was in fact sick to death of being spoken to like a child.

Sorrenson either didn't pick up on this or chose to ignore it because he answered the question calmly and without a hint of emotion. "The emergency call buttons on the cellphones we gave you all connect you to both the FBI and the local police department and activate a GPS tracking system on your phones. It's shouldn't take you more then ten minutes to get help in the event of an emergency."

"It seems like you have thought of everything." Castle responded and he really wished he could find some way to one up the smug bastard at that moment and if they had had a case he knew he would be able to do it but sadly he was deprived of that for the moment so he would just have to let his rage simmer quietly.

"Well I hope so." Sorrenson said and then he added. "Any more questions?" Everyone shook their heads no, so Sorrenson began walking towards the house. "Alright then your bags are in your rooms, so let's get you all settled in." He said brightly, suddenly acting like a counselor leading children at camp. Castle wanted nothing better then to share his frustration with this man with Beckett but he could see that she was just as mad at him as she was at the FBI special agent so he would have to deal with this alone. As they entered the house Castle braced himself for the storm that he knew was coming his way once he and Beckett were alone. One thing was for sure their first night as a married couple was not going to go the way he had always hoped.

**It may seem a little self indulgent to set this part of the story in delaware and that is because it is. Still there is a reason for it, a selfish one I will admit but it is a reason. I am sick of being so vague in the way I describe things in this story but the fact of the matter is I have only been to New York once on a day trip and I can't make heads or tails or a map of New York, I know nothing about the hospitals, and I can't even find any information online on where the 12th precinct is supposed to be or where Montgomery's funeral was or anything like that, so I am taking this chance to write about what I know. Don't worry we will be heading back to New York in a couple of chapters to check in on Ryan and Esposito and the story will be moving forward soon I am just needed to spend a few chapters setting up the locations for the rest of the story and where the character's heads are at. I will try to have some fun doing it but I am sorry if the story feels like it has stalled for the moment, I just don't know any other way to get things set up the way I want. Sorry this chapter is so short,the next one will have good scene for Kate,Rick, and Alexis.**

**As always you guys are the best and thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

The group entered the house via the front door which led to a small passage way with large rough wooden hangers for hats and coats on the wall and this in turn led to the kitchen via a door on the left hand side. Once they turned the corner they found themselves in the large open kitchen slash dining room area. To the right was the kitchen with all the normal things such as stove,oven, counters, sink, dishwasher, cabinets, and frig. It was all done in an early nineties style. To the left of the door was a medium sized pantry that held bread, breakfast cereals, and canned foods. The kitchen was a large open area clearly built with the idea that someone in a wheelchair would be using it because it was easily big enough for Castle to move his chair around in and most of the useful things where in floor level cabinets, the only thing he couldn't reach was the top of the stove and this caused him to heave a depressed sigh,cooking was one of the things he enjoyed doing to relieve stress and now he was being deprived of it. Everything was either on the right hand side of the kitchen going in or on the outward facing side. There were large windows everywhere that if the sun were shining would have given the whole place a bright and cheerful look. On the left hand side of the kitchen was a normal sized island with four wooden stools on the side facing the kitchen.

Leaving the kitchen they found that it opened up into a dinning area with a decent sized oval wooden table with eight wooden chairs around it. To the right of the head of the table was a large sliding door that lead out to the porch. To the left of the end of the table was a small hallway that ran between the pantry and the large wooden stairs that led up to the second floor, to his relief Castle discovered that the stairs were equipped with a motorized wheelchair lift. The small hall led straight onto the screened in porch which seemed to also serve as a living room. It had a all the normal furniture including two large comfy looking sofas and four reclining chairs all facing a big screen CRT TV that was facing away from the porch screen, the TV was hooked up to a converter box that in turn was hooked up to an antenna that was on a large metal tower in the back yard. There was also a surround sound system and dvd player as well as several padded deck chairs facing the porch screen and looking out on the yard and pool area. There were two large sliding doors in this room. One on the right hand side that opened up to a wheelchair ramp that lead down into the yard and another at the end of the room that opened up onto the pool.

Leaving this room and reentering the house proper they found that the small hall lead behind the stairs and to a decent sized office that had a computer desk, a rather old computer with a CRT monitor, and a shelf in the back with some reference books and computer software on it. This room had a soft blue carpet in it unlike the rest of the rooms which so far had been off white tile or solid stained wood. Castle took a look at the computer and discovered several things that made his heart sink. One it was hooked up to a dial up modem so most of his favorite websites would be off limits. Two it was not hooked up to a network of any kind. Three it was an old windows XP machine. Four it had a single core one point two GHz processor. So it would be slow and completely out of date and not much good for anything other then the most simple of websites. This earned the room another depressed sigh from Castle. Still he guessed it would do well enough for writing, but that was about it.

Finding nothing else of interest there other then a small closet full of household cleaning supplies directly under the stairs the group returned to the dinning area. To the left of it was a small reading area with a open path through it big enough for Castle's wheelchair to move through. There were two walls on the far side that were made up of bookshelves that were covered with books ranging from the classics to Lee Child, much to his chagrin Castle didn't find a single Richard Castle book on the shelf. There was a wooden coffee table with a marble top in the middle of the room and the side facing the stairs was taken up be a large brown couch with fluffy cushions and the side facing the dinning area featured two more recliners.

The group then turned towards the stairs and found that the house closed up a little and a hallway ran past the stairs and ended in front of a large solid oak door that they all guessed was the door to the master bedroom, on either side of the hall were several doors. One on the right hand side was a decent sized bath room, like the kitchen it had off white tiles on the floor and light blue tiles on the walls, it featured a bathtub slash shower and it was the first room they had found that didn't seem to be set up with a wheelchair in mind. Castle assumed this meant that is must be there to serve guests and not the home owners. To the left was one door that led to a staircase that went down to the basement, this also featured a wheelchair lift. Farther down the hall and to the right was a larger then normal wooden sliding door that at first looked like it led to a closest but when they opened it they found that it instead opened up to reveal a washer and dryer with a metal shelf above them that contained all the products needed to do laundry. Castle sighed again, he would have to get used to doing laundry again, he had not done that since Alexis was much younger, normally the cleaning lady took care of that but there was no cleaning lady here. At least both the washer and drier were front loading so he wouldn't have any trouble using them.

The group then continued on into the master bedroom. They opened the heavy oak door and stepped inside. The room had a light blue carpet and the walls were painted a bright white. It was a good sized room and in front of the door was a large comfortable looking king sized bed that had a wooden head board and was made up with lots of big fluffy pillows, sheets, and a comforter that featured a pink floral partner on it against a white background. Castle ignore the somewhat angry looks Beckett was shooting him and continued to explore the room. To the left of the door was a large walk in closet and at the back of this closet was a key pad and a metal door that led to the downstairs panic room. leaving the closet and going back into the bedroom they then found that to the right of the bedroom door there was a large wooden bureau that had a mirror on top of it. Also on top was a twenty inch CRT TV and a dvd player along with a small brown jewelery box. Beyond that was a door that led into a bathroom. This bathroom was large and clearly made with a wheelchair in mind. Not only was everything including the sinks right where Castle could reach it but there were metal hand rails everywhere to help someone get out of and into a wheelchair. There was a separate shower and bathtub and the large bathtub featured jets that could shoot out hot water that Castle guessed would feel very good on his sore muscles after a long day. The tub was the first thing in the house that earned a smile from Beckett, she could not wait to break it in.

With the exploration of the downstairs done the silent group turned and headed out of the bedroom all feeling a little depressed over their living conditions, that is when they ran into a bright and cheerful young woman who they didn't know. She stood about five feet three inches tall, had long blonde hair, sparkling blue eye, and wore a short sleeved bright green shirt with tan slacks. She flashed them all a bright and cheerful smile and she seemed to spend a couple of extra seconds looking at Castle. She had not said a word yet and already Beckett didn't like her one bit.

"Hi, I'm Kelly. I work for the FBI and will be your live in nurse and physical therapist until Mister Castle gets used to his new condition and you all get used to helping him with the things he needs help with." She said brightly, introducing herself and then she looked down at Castle an added. "I promise there will not be many of those by the time I am done with you." It may have been meant to reassure Castle but it was way to flirty for Beckett's taste, now her dislike for this woman was about to turn to hate. She had no idea what this woman was thinking or how she got a job with the FBI, she looked a few years younger then Beckett and she came off as a kid who wasn't old enough to drive, let alone offer medical care and what kind of girl flirted with a man who was so much older then herself. Beckett ignored the fact that she was in a relationship with Castle who was ten years her senior and she had a romantic relationship with her training officer who was almost twenty years older then her. She was mad and she wasn't about to let logic get in in the way of her fuming!

"Hi Kelly, glad you could make it on such short notice." Sorrenson said stepping forward and shaking her hand.

"Yeah thanks a lot in advance." Castle said rolling forward and extending his right hand while putting on his most charming smile. "I am sure I will be a handful over the next few weeks."

"Oh I am sure I can handle anything you can dish out Mister Castle." Kelly said taking his hand and smiling down at him.

"Please, call me Rick." Castle said and the smile was not leaving his face.

"Okay, Rick." Kelly said trying it out and that was it for Beckett, this child was not about to make a move on her man! This was just too much. After everything that had happened today she had been pushed to her limit but she couldn't think of anything to do that would not make things worse so without saying a word and just barely keeping herself under control she turned and stormed off in the direction of the bedroom she was being forced to share with Castle.

This resulted in shocked looks from everyone except Martha and Alexis, they seemed to be the only ones who understood what was going on. After watching Beckett retreat down the hall Castle turned back around and returned his attention to the young attractive woman standing in front of him. "It's been a long day and she could use some sleep." He explained in an apologetic tone.

"I understand, the last few days have to have been hard on all of you. I bet you could all use a good night's sleep." Kelly said losing none of her cheerfulness.

"You can say that again." Martha said dramatically and then she turned to Alexis. "Come on let's go check out our rooms." She said to the teenage girl, she could tell that she and Alexis were not needed for what was coming next.

"Okay, goodnight dad." Alexis said bending down to kiss her father on the cheek.

"Goodnight pumpkin." Castle said and then Martha and Alexis turned and headed up the stairs.

"I had better go check on security." Sorrenson said excusing himself and heading back through the kitchen and out of the house leaving Castle and Kelly alone in the hall.

"Well what do you say we get you changed and into bed?" Kelly asked in her usual cheerful tone.

"That's sounds great but I have to warn you I haven't let anyone help me with this stuff since I was four." Castle said with a grin, in truth he was not looking forward to this one bit but there was no way around it so he didn't see any point in taking out his frustrations on this nice young girl. Kelly and Rick then turned down the hall and made their way to the master bedroom.

When Kelly and Castle entered the room they were met by the sight of Beckett sitting silently on the bed wearing a T-Shirt and shorts pointedly reading a James Paterson hardback she had found on the bookshelf, she didn't even look up when they entered and the only light on in the room was the small reading lamp that was on Beckett's bedside table. Beckett didn't even react when Kelly switched on the overhead light that was part of the large ceiling fan above the bed. Normally Castle would have at least picked up on this but at the moment the man who had no problem with riding police horses naked and going to bed with woman who's names he didn't know was for some reason very nervous about going into the bathroom and getting naked in front of this woman and he was not sure why. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was going to have to help him up onto the toilet, he didn't know, all he did know for sure was that he just wanted to get it over with as soon as he could. At last Kelly found a pair of flannel pajamas in one of Castle's suitcases and they made their way into the bathroom closing the door behind them.

"Don't be nervous, Mister Castle. You don't have anything thing that I haven't seen a hundred times before." Kelly said trying to calm the writer as she leaned forward and helped Castle remove his shirt, she then moved on to the slow process of taking off his shoes, socks, slacks, and underwear.

"Yeah I know, it's just odd." Castle said a moment later. He was trying his best to help but since he couldn't move his legs there was nothing much he could do other then use his arms to lift himself up a few inches off of the chair when Kelly needed him to.

"Besides I don't think you have anything to be nervous about." Kelly said with a grin as she started to unbuckle Castle's pants.

"Well that is always good to hear." Castle said forcing on his most charming grin, he needed to get his mind off of the fact that this attractive girl was about to help him onto the toilet so he said the first thing that popped into his head. "So how did you become a physical therapist working for the FBI?" Castle asked as he lifted himself up so she could remove his pants and boxers.

"It's not that interesting a story." Kelly said with a bit of a giggle. "You would be surprised how many agents or people in witness protection need a good physical therapist that they can trust and I have a cousin who is an agent for the FBI so here I am." She chirped and then added quickly. "I didn't just get this job because of my connections, I had to pass all the tests and I am very good at my job, I hope you can trust me."

"If I can't it's a little late now." Castle said with a nervous laugh, By now he was naked and Kelly was helping him onto the toilet.

"You have got a point there." Kelly said laughing.

In the next next room Beckett glared at the bathroom door. If she were Carrie the whole house would have been up in flames at that point. They were laughing, how dare they! Castle was getting along with this bimbo better then he was getting along with her at the moment. Then again maybe she had been stupid to think she could change him, after all blonde bimbos had always been his type, what made her think that would change? Here he was snapping at her and yet he was getting on with the barely legal bimbo like a house on fire, maybe she really wasn't his type. Oh and then another awful thought just crossed her mind, this girl was getting to see the man who was supposed to be her's naked before she did, when Castle had already seen her naked, Yes she knew he had looked the night her apartment blew up she wasn't stupid, how was this anywhere close to fair?! Then another horrid thought crossed Beckett's mind, maybe he didn't like what he saw that night. She knew most men thought she was hot but if for some reason Castle didn't think she measured up to all the hundreds of other woman he had been with what could she do about it? Then again there was more to their relationship then just looks, right? As she listened to the happy voices and laughter coming from the bathroom Beckett really had to wonder if that was true. This whole thing had turned into one giant mess and instead of giving her a relief from all the stressful events of her life like she hoped it would this relationship was now her biggest source of stress and she wasn't sure she could handle it. Maybe it wasn't too late to call the whole thing off and have Sorrenson move herself and her father to another safe house, hopefully on the other side of the country. She could bear one night in bed with Castle under the current conditions but she knew she would have a breakdown if she had to spend more then that. She would have to talk to Will in the morning about it. Come to think of it Will didn't have a ring on his finger and he was still a good looking guy, maybe before she left it would be a good idea to give Castle a taste of his own medicine. Now there was a plan, she would show this ungrateful playboy just what he was missing out on, that would teach him better then to play games with her heart! That was a plan she could pull off and she liked it.

It was as she was just coming up with this plan that the bathroom door opened and Beckett shoved her face back into the Paterson book. Beckett was determined not to give this girl the satisfaction of seeing just how upset she had made her so she just kept reading her book and didn't react when Castle entered the room followed by yet another in his long line of bimbos, she didn't react when the girl who she wasn't sure was old enough to drive helped him into bed, she didn't even react as the girl offered Castle a flirty "Good night", and she sure as hell refused to react when the idiot who was in the bed beside her offered her a far less flirty good night. She wasn't going to let him see that he had rattled her, she had a far better way of dealing with this problem, tomorrow she would move on. Will wasn't that big of a jerk and she was sure he wouldn't cheat on her and she knew his interest was real. She would score a one two punch, giving a man who had waited for her what he had waited for and she would show Castle everything he had lost, it was a perfect plan. There was just one problem, it broke her heart that it had come to this but she wasn't about to let Castle see her cry, she wouldn't give him that kind of power over her ever again.

That was when he finally said something and it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard in her life. "Kate, is everything alright?" She refused to answer a question that stupid. There was no way she was going to respond to that, she just buried her face father in the book. "Kate if something is wrong I don't know what it is. I need to know. I want us to work, please tell me." He pleaded, that is when Beckett finally broke he had taken a bullet for her and maybe he was just that stupid so she would explain it to him, still her response was far from kind when it left her lips.

"Why would anything be wrong?" She asked harshly. "I am here in your bed where you want me, we are married without having to date or you having to go to the trouble of proposing, and you have a bimbo who is just out of high school on the side, what could be wrong? Everything is perfect!" Beckett spat out throwing the book in her lap and turning to look at a shocked Castle who was only now starting to put the pieces together.

"Wow." Was all Castle could say after taking in a breath and looking away from the woman in his bed.

"Wow, that is all you can say?!" Beckett gasped in disbelief.

"I'm sorry I didn't know I was hurting you." Castle said as he looked over at Beckett with sad eyes but she was far too mad to let this gesture soften her. "What issue do you want to deal with first?" He asked a moment later.

"How about the fact that you think you can speak for me when it comes to where I sleep when we haven't even been on one real date yet!" Beckett explained unable to believe that this man who had always been able to read her so well just didn't get it. Were they really this broken?

"Oh, I'm sorry but please let me explain." Castle said quickly and then he took a breath, Kate didn't say anything she just gazed at him with a stern look, a moment latter Castle continued. "Look I know I was out of line there and I am sorry." This seemed to soften Beckett's gaze a little but she still didn't say anything so he continued. "It's just I could tell you didn't want Sorrenson to see that our relationship was new so I stepped in and tried to help. I know I screwed things up big time and I am sorry. I think I jumped in so fast because I was relieved that I would know where you were at night." He admitted quietly as if it was a source of great shame.

"Do you really think I would cheat on you with Will?!" Beckett asked shocked.

"Well he does have a pair of working legs and doesn't need help going to the bathroom so I wouldn't blame you." Castle explained as if it were the most natural logic in the world.

"I thought we were done with this nonsense!" Beckett huffed frustratedly. "It doesn't mater to me if you can walk or if you need help doing a few things."

"Well it's one thing to talk about it in the abstract it's another thing completely when it is part of your daily life and there is a good looking FBI special agent with two good legs standing right there and today has really brought home how useless I am." Castle said looking away from Beckett.

Beckett then reached over and grabbed his head with both hands forcing him to look at her and she spoke forcefully. "Look I am only going to say this once more so please get it through your thick head, I am not interested in Will one bit and it doesn't mater to me if you ever walk again. Do you get it this time?!"

"Got it." Castle replied and he had to hold back the tears.

"Okay now that is settled can you explain to me why you are so happy with this fake marriage when we haven't even been on a date yet?" Beckett asked and she still sounded somewhat mad but she was at least willing to hear Castle out this time.

"Maybe because I think of us as having been dating for almost three years, so I guess it doesn't seem like that big of a jump to me." He explained carefully.

"How have we been dating?" Beckett asked shocked.

"Oh come on we were flirting from day one." Castle said now being the one not believing what he was hearing.

"You flirt with everyone." Beckett shot back.

"You flirted back."

"Okay, but that doesn't mean we were dating, what else?" Beckett asked and she had a sinking feeling she had somehow been put on the defensive when she was supposed to be the one who was angry.

"We have meals, a lot of means together."

"I eat means with Ryan and Esposito." Beckett replied still not impressed.

"At your home?!" Castle pointed out and then he added before Beckett could speak. "We have been to movies together, you shared a movie with me that you loved."

"I just couldn't believe a geek like you hadn't seen Forbidden Planet before, and I am pretty sure you lied just to get a date with me without asking." Beckett retorted.

"Okay, fair point but we have lived under the same roof before." Castle replied unwilling to lose the argument.

"Montgomery ordered me to!" Kate objected.

"Still you could have refused and filed a complaint with HR." Castle pointed out then he added more gently. "Also we both get mad when we see each other dating other people."

"Really?" Was all Beckett could say as she shot Castle a look as she tried to deny what she knew in her heart was true.

"Oh now I know you are playing dumb. You have to have noticed how I acted whenever you had a date with someone else and don't think I didn't notice when you started to grow out your hair so it would look like bachelorette number three from last year's list, and you started wearing it down the same day I told you I had gotten a date with her, and don't pretend you didn't notice Demming and me trying to one up each other for weeks whenever you were around!"

"I didn't!" Beckett gasped out but the fact that her cheeks were turning red told Castle that she knew it was true, she was just hoping never to get called out on it. Castle knew better then to say any more and after taking a moment to regain her composure Beckett spoke. "This still doesn't explain why you seem so eager to jump into marriage."

"Maybe because that is where I see us going, even if it takes us a while to get there." Castle said softly.

"Did you ever consider that maybe that isn't what I want?" Beckett asked avoiding Castle's gaze.

"No, I guess I didn't." Castle answered truthfully and hurt was showing all over his face.

"Look I have never been a kids type person, I don't really like babies, I have never wanted to be a house wife, and I have never given a second thought to my wedding." Beckett explained desperately, hoping against hope that everything would be alright after this admission.

"I guess that is where I assumed we were headed after you said you loved me." Castle said as he looked over at Beckett sadly.

"I do love you but you have already been married twice and I don't want to be ex wife number three!" Beckett tried to explain, she really couldn't stand this and then she added. "Plus if the house wife with two kids is what you need to be happy then I am afraid that isn't me."

"No, that's not it!" Castle said shaking his head. "You are it for me and you make me happy, anything else would just be a bonus I would only want to do if you wanted it."

"Okay." Beckett said after giving it a moment's thought.

"Okay, so we are good?" Castle asked.

"Yes, we are good." Beckett said with a small smile and then added sternly. "As long as you stop flirting with that girl."

Castle then facepalmed. "Look Kate I am really sorry. I didn't even know I was doing it. I tend to flirt when I get nervous around woman and I was very nervous with Kelly tonight because she was going to be stripping me naked. I never wanted you to get hurt or feel unloved. You are the only woman I want, really." He explained and his expression told Beckett he was truly sorry.

"What I don't get is why you were nervous, I mean you have been naked with so many woman and in public before and you never cared." Beckett said after giving Castle's words a little thought.

"Yes but all of those times it was on my terms, here I wasn't in control even a little bit. I am completely helpless, like a baby now and I am just having a hard time dealing with that." Castle explained with shame all over his face.

"Oh." Beckett said suddenly feeling stupid, of course he would feel that way and she should have remembered that he flirted when he got nervous, suddenly she felt really really guilty. Here was this man who loved her and who's whole life had been turned upside down by her and she was giving him a hard time because he was not in complete control of his reaction to the situation one hundred percent of the time. Suddenly she felt like a queen bitch, she started to cry quietly. "I am so sorry Castle, here you are your whole life ruined and I can't give you one bit of support, I am so so sorry." She sobbed out.

Castle reached for her face and began wiping her tears away. "Hey, we both screwed up I see that now." He said firmly and before Beckett could object he continued. "It's true I should have talked to you about all these things instead of hiding from you but I promise I will not bottle things up, if I think something about you I will ask you about it before deciding to do something that will effect both of us, okay?"

"I will do the same." Beckett said with a sniff as she stopped crying. "You know there is one thing that I am still upset about." Beckett said a moment later.

"Really, what is that?" Castle asked with fear showing in his voice.

"It's that Kelly saw you naked before I did." Beckett said with a teasing smile.

"Oh, well we can fix that." Castle said realizing what Beckett was getting at and finally flirting with her for the first time that evening.

"Yes we can." Beckett agreed as she moved over and straddled Castle's waste. "After all the doctor did clear you to return to active duty." Beckett said as she reached down and began unbuttoning Castle's shirt.

"And far be it from me to neglect my duty." Castle replied drawing in a breath as he reached up and pulled the t-shirt Beckett was wearing up over her head and exposing her chest to him for the first time that didn't involve the room burning around them.

"Shut up and kiss me Castle!" Beckett demanded as she leaned down and took Castle's lips with her own. Now she was one hundred percent sure things would work out between them.

Castle smiled to himself, suddenly their first night as a married couple was going exactly the way he had always imagined it.

**Well I hope this chapter was enough of a recovery to make up for the last couple. I really hope you liked this one as it was the most fun for me to write.**

**Oh and first person to spot the Citizen Kane reference in this chapter and call it out in either a review or a PM will get a mention in the notes for the next chapter:)**

A**s always you guys are the best and the feedback I have been getting is amazing. Thank you so much for reading,reviewing,following, and favoriting.**

**Oh and I know some random words are missing in this chapter and I wrote them but for some reason the site decided to censor them when I upload the chapter. I am working trying to fix it, sorry about this. Thanks for bearing with me.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Kate Beckett was exhausted but it was the good kind of exhaustion. It was the kind that allows one to fully relax, it was the kind that makes your every muscle and bone feel like it's turning to jelly and melting into the soft mattress of the bed, it was the kind that makes you happy to fall asleep and make you feel as if the idea of ever waking up is a bad one and makes you forget that doing anything other then sleeping in an option. In other words at that moment all of her cares were forgotten and she was basking in the sweet release of having nothing to do and had completely given in to the need to sleep. She was only about maybe ten percent awake, if that. Consciousness seemed a vague and far off concept to her at that moment. It was like some far off star in the galaxy, it was something she was aware existed but she didn't really know anything about it and it was of little interest to her. She could happily never think of it or have anything to do with it for the rest of her life. She stirred a little but dismissed the idea of doing more and was about to head back into the peacefulness and sweet release of sleep when she thought she felt something shaking her arm.

At first she wasn't sure what was happening, didn't want it to be happening. She tried to convince herself that it was nothing, most likely a waking dream, after all who would be doing this to her? No one who knew her would be stupid enough to wake her from a good sleep and besides at a time like this who in the world would want to do anything but sleep? No one would do either of those things so it must be all in her head. She cursed her brain for trying to trick her and turned over one her side, determined to ignore her evil mind and lose herself in the fog of sleep on again.

Only it didn't go away, it simply moved and began to touch her bare back, right on the shoulder blade and this time it was joined by a voice. Beckett slowly began to put pieces together and decided at last that it couldn't all be in her head and then she was forced to conclude that she must be being tormented by one of the most evil people who ever lived. Who other then a complete monster would being doing something like this? A minute later she was awake enough to realize that she would not get back to sleep so she slowly opened her eyes. She blinked several times and tried to get used to the darkness, she had no idea what time it was but whenever it was it was still early since there was not a hint of sunlight coming in through the opened curtain and windows she could just barely make out. She rolled over to try and check the time but was puzzled when she couldn't see her digital clock slash radio, that was when she remembered that she was not in her bedroom and the rest of the pieces fell into place. The voice and the hand that was nudging her back must belong to Castle. Maybe she should call him Rick now? A smile crept over her lips as she was overcome with the memories of the events of the previous night, but she wasn't overwhelmed. In fact she was very happy with how events had played out and she hoped it would do much to set Rick's mind at ease. That just didn't feel right, His exes and bimbos called him Rick, to her he would always be Castle, that is what felt right. To others it may have seemed cold and distant after what they had done and how far they had come but to her it was sweet and stood in for every possible pet name or term of endearment. So what if no one else understood, they understood and that was enough, she wasn't trying to empress anyone! All that mattered was what worked for them.

Speaking of endearment, the man laying on the bed behind her was not doing much to endear himself to her at that moment. She may have loved him and she may never leave him but that didn't mean she couldn't get angry or at least very annoyed with him, and she was at that moment. She hoped he wasn't just waking her to have another go just because he was awake and board, if that was the case there would not be a repeat of last night for a long time. Still it was clear she wasn't going to get any sleep until she paid attention to him so with a frustrated huff she turned over and opened her eyes fully and looked at him.

He was laying on his back, of course since he could not toss and turn but his head was turned to his right and he was looking at her. He was covered by the same light sheet he was and like her he had not put any clothes back on after last night's "activities". He was looking just as tired as she was so she had no idea what had come over him that had made him decide to wake her up at that hour. That that moment all she could think of was more sleep and the fact that this man had decided to keep her from getting it for some reason. Still the only way to find out what was going on was to ask so that is what she did.

"Castle, what time is it?" She asked squinting at him.

"Oh..it's...four thirty." Castle replied nervously, taking a second to look at the clock slash radio that was on his bedside table.

"And what made you decide that waking me up at this hour when we don't have a case was a good idea?" Beckett demanded with a yawn, sounding more annoyed then she really was. She decided it wasn't a good idea to let him think he would get away with this sort of thing in future. The future, for the first time in her adult life she saw a future ahead that didn't involve murder and she liked the idea and it was all because of the man laying beside her. So no, she wasn't really that annoyed with him, but she decided it was best not to tell him that. She knew she would be tired and cranky today because of this and she figured it was better to take it out on the man responsible rather then anyone else.

"Sorry, it's just I think you should go get Kelly." Castle answered apologetically.

He looked at least a little sorry but Beckett still decided to tease him, it would serve him right for waking her up. "Castle I know what you have in mind and it is not going to happen." she said firmly.

"Beckett as much as I would love to relive your wild college days, that isn't what I am talking about. Still I will bear in mind that that was the first place your mind went." Castle said with a sly, cocky smile. It was the type he used to flirt with bimbos and annoy her, it was also the type he used when he knew something about her he knew she didn't want him to know.

Crap! The plan had backfired. She was going to kill Madison, that had to be where Castle heard the story. Beckett thought to herself as she turned her head away and buried it in her pillow, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Don't worry it doesn't change anything and this stays just between us." Castle said reaching over to pat her shoulder as his voice took on a sicking cocky tone of mock comfort and reassurance. Beckett put her hand over her closed eyes, she needed a comeback but at that moment she couldn't think of one. If she had been fully awake she never would have walked into this door, but she hadn't been and now she was paying the price. She didn't know who she was more mad at, Castle for waking her up, or Madison for talking to him about this in the first place. Still Castle's next words instantly drew her attention off of herself and back onto him and reminded her or how much things had changed between them. She had already seen his stuff but for some reason he sounded very nervous and embarrassed. "I need you to get Kelly because...I need...to...get..out of this..bed, or something is going to happen that has not happened since I was three." He explained and as Beckett turned over to look at him she saw that now it was his cheeks that were turning red. Maybe they were even now, still she was going to have to come up with a way to get back at him herself and not just let his bladder do it. He had known this for a year and not said a word. She wondered how many times he had thought about it and never asked for her version of the story. Yeah, she was going to have to get back at him somehow. Still that was not the think that should be foremost on her mind, she realized. She still didn't know exactly how to help Castle into his wheelchair, and as much as she wanted to get back at him hurting him that way did seem like it would be going too far. Unless she wanted the bed soaked she needed to go get Kelly.

Beckett quickly rubbed the last of the sleep from her eyes and jumped out of the bed. She scrambled around searching the bed and the floor frantically, trying to find and put on her clothes.

"You know, I am normally the one who is dashing around trying to find stuff in the wee hours of the morning after a night like last night." Castle noted with a smirk.

Beckett narrowed her gaze and shot Castle a look that told him continuing with this train of thought was not a good idea. She knew he had a past but bringing it up at this moment was a very bad idea. "Look do you want me to go get Kelly or not?" Beckett asked as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"I think you had better." Castle replied and to anyone else it would seem like a simple mater of fact reply to the question but Beckett could tell he was still really embarrassed by the whole situation.

"Can you hold it long enough for me to help you get your boxers on?" Beckett asked taking pity on the man while not being completely sure he deserved it.

"Yes, thank you." Castle said letting out a breath. Beckett then picked up his boxers off of the floor next to the bed and pulled the sheet off if his body so she could help him. Beckett had never given much thought to just how much Castle's legs alone weighed but as she grunted with the effort of lifting the dead weight and pulling the boxers up she found it hard to think of anything else.

"I like it a lot better when you are taking them off." Castle said trying to lighten the mood, this caused the skin all over Beckett's body to flush bright red.

"Castle if you want me to go you can't say things like that." She said firmly while refusing to look him in the eyes.

"I am not sure I want you to go now." Castle said as he quirked an eyebrow and smiled down at Beckett but then a moment later he seemed to think better of it because he quickly added. "Oh second thought I really need you to go find Kelly, now."

This caused Beckett to leap off of the bed and head quickly for the door. "Okay, I'll be right back." She called out over her shoulder and then she was gone.

On the second floor of the house Beckett found four bedrooms and a small bathroom that seemed to be meant for guests like the one downstairs. She assumed that each bedroom must have it's own bathroom. All of the bedroom doors save one were closed, Peeping in Beckett saw that this room belong to her arch rival, the much hated Kelly. Beckett guessed the door had been left open so Kelly could hear if someone called for her in the middle of the night. Looking back into the hall for a moment Beckett considered checking to see which room her father was in and making sure he was okay, despite how mad she still was with him at that moment she wanted nothing more then to be reassured that he could get though this. Still without knowing how long Castle could hold it she didn't dare do this, so with a sigh she reluctantly stepped into Kelly's room and made her way over to the bed.

Beckett woke the girl by shaking her and calmly explained the situation to her, Beckett just barely kept her temper in check, she really wanted to tell this girl off for the way she had acted the previous night but there was no time so she struggled to keep control of herself, she would have words with her later. To make matters worse Kelly seemed very cheerful and didn't seem to have any trouble waking up. What kind of freak is awake and cheerful at this hour? Beckett asked herself. A few minutes later the two woman had made their way down to Castle and Beckett's bedroom, Beckett had been shooting glares at the girl every time she thought the young woman was not looking.

"Rise and shine Rick!" Kelly said as she made her way over to the bed.

"Good morning Kelly." Castle said politely and Beckett let out a satisfied sigh, noting that while Rick was being polite and even friendly he was not flirting. Beckett would have preferred that he tell the bimbo off but this was a huge improvement over last night.

"So Rick do you just want to use the bathroom or would you like to take a bath and get dressed?" Kelly asked as she and Beckett helped the man into his wheelchair.

"I guess I may as well bath and get dressed." Castle replied and his tone said that while he was doing it because it seemed like the most logical thing to do he was not happy about it. Kelly was just turning to make her way over to Castle's suitcases but Beckett was already there picking out a set of clothes and his bathroom things.

"I am coming to." Beckett said firmly and Castle arched an eyebrow at this while Kelly shot her a questioning look. "The sooner I learn to help you the better." She explained looking at Castle but the smug look he shot her in return told her that he knew the real reason she was coming in, she was not about to let Kelly seem him naked again without her. Kelly seemed to lose her cheerfulness for a split second but then agreed with a forced smile.

The three people made their way into the bathroom and Castle got on the toilet. Castle noted that he seemed to be getting better at lifting himself using the handrails but it was still a struggle. "Don't worry, I am starting you on some weight training today so it should be easier once we build you up." Kelly said seeming to sense what he was thinking and that she added in a more playfully. "Not that I think you will need much." This caused Beckett to almost boil over with rage, she couldn't take this much longer but she need to work with this woman. Still she had to do something to stake her claim and make it clear Castle was never going to be on the market again.

"No, after last night I can assure you that he doesn't." Beckett said as she stepped between the Bimbo and her man while folding her arms across her chest and looking down at the girl, she didn't even care that she should be embarrassed because she had just let the cat out of the bag, she needed to make her point. Kelly didn't seem to know how to respond to this so she just took a step back but the she kept the smile on her face.

"Excuse me ladies, but would you mind giving me some privacy. I'll call you when I am done." Castle butted in, he was clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"Of course." Beckett said quietly and then she shot Kelly another look and she and the young woman left the bathroom, closing the door behind them.

Once it was closed Beckett decided you couldn't wait another minute, she had to put this girl in her place. "Castle and I are together." She said as she fixed the girl with an angry stare. "What you are doing is a major breach or ethics, and if you don't knock it off I will report you." Kelly looked like she was going to object but Beckett wouldn't let her get a word in, instead she took a step closer and looked down her nose at the bimbo, dominating the space. "You seem to be good at your job but I will not stand for you harassing Castle like this, is that understood?"

"Yes." Kelly replied as she looked down at the floor and for the first time the smile seemed to leave her lips and if Beckett didn't know any better she would say it was replaced by shame. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to cause trouble." She said a moment later.

"Then what did you mean to do?" Beckett asked with a sarcastic tone as she rocked back on her heels, she was happy to finally have this girl on the defensive for a change.

"It's just I am always a little like this and then meeting such a famous man that I am a huge fan of, I guess I just wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry. It will not happen again." Kelly explained still not looking up at the older woman.

Beckett was still mad at the girl, but at the same time she started to soften after this confession. She could remember being this girl's age and being a bundle of nerves as she waited in line for hours just to have her book signed. She could remember how once she had made it to the table she had flirted, badly and giggled at everything he had said. Yes, Kate Beckett had at one moment in her life giggled like a schoolgirl. She also remembered how disappointed she had been in one of her heroes the first time she had brought him in for questioning, how much she had wanted to smack him across the face and never see him again. Now all of that seemed to have happened to another person in another life, it seemed to have no connection with the herself or the present. The hero worship had grown into so much more and if anyone had told her she would be in a real relationship with "the" Richard Castle years ago she would have laughed in their face but here they were, they had made it and the person she was and their relationship in the past felt completely alien to her and she didn't see any way to go back to it. So while she was still angry with Kelly she could at least admit to herself that she understood what it was like to be young and how a girl could get caught up in the romance of helping one of her idols who just happened to be a big strong man. She could understand and at least take a little pity on the girl now that she had staked her claim and made it clear she was never going anywhere.

"It's okay." Beckett said more gently as she looked down at the girl. "You made a mistake and as long as you don't repeat it no harm was done."

"Okay." Kelly said looked up at the detective. "Do you think we could start over and pretend last night didn't happen?" She asked hopefully.

"I think that's a good idea." Beckett said with a small smile, now willing to call a truce but she would still keep a close eye on the girl.

"Thank you." Kelly said as she extended her right hand and Beckett waited a moment but then grasped it and shook.

A moment later Castle called for them and they reentered the room. Bathing and dressing Castle took a long time and was very involved and Castle seemed to be humiliated and angry the whole time but he didn't say a word, he just sat quietly. He didn't want Beckett to think he was doubting her again so he didn't say a word and hoped she wouldn't noticed, but of course she did but she didn't say anything either. She wasn't sure what else there was to say, they would both have to get used to this new asspect of their relationship and hopefully time, the great healer of all wounds would make this feel normal and Castle wouldn't see himself as a problem for those around him, still until that time came Beckett knew she was going to have to deal with mood swings so there was no sense in making an issue out of them. She hoped that the therapist he was going to start seeing today would help that time come sooner rather then later, but no mater how long it took Beckett knew her days of running were over.

Castle's mood improved when he shaved himself and brushed his own teeth. Kelly and Beckett then helped him get dressed in slacks and a buttoned up shirt. The whole time Kelly was her normal happy self but there was no flirting, this please Beckett since it meant that maybe she could trust the girl. Finally after more then an hour the three of them exited the bath room, that was when it happened, from somewhere outside there were a couple of loud bangs, Castle was the first to react.

"Beckett, get down!" He shouted and when Beckett continued to stand in the middle of the room panic began to spread across Castle's face. "We are being shot at, get down!" He yelled again, but there was not another sound and Beckett walked up to one of the windows and looked out into the yard, she didn't see anything. This prompted Castle to come up behind her and yell again. "Are you crazy, Beckett?!" He demanded and Beckett turned and saw that his eyes were darting back and forth in a state of complete panic. She then placed her hands on either side of his face and bent down, forcing him to look at her.

"It's okay Rick. No one is out there, I don't know what that sound was but no one is shooting at us." Beckett said in a tone as if she were talking to a child who had just woken up from a nightmare. Castle's breathing calmed and the look of complete and utter fear mixed with panic slowly left his face. Then Kelly spoke up.

"It was most likely some locals hunting dear out of season in the woods, it sounded miles away." She explained calmly.

"Oh, sorry." Castle said as he looked down at his lap sounding very embarrassed.

"Kelly, could you give us a minute?" Beckett asked looking over at the younger woman.

"Sure." was all the girl said as she turned and exited the room. Beckett then sat down on the bed so she was eye level with Castle and when she spoke it was gently and without judgment.

"It's okay Castle, there is nothing to be ashamed of." Beckett said looking him in the eyes.

"That is easy for you to say, you are not the one who is jumping every time they hear a sound, you are not the one who is afraid of losing everything." There was something about the way he said the last part that told Beckett that he wasn't talking about his life when he said "everything."

"Will wasn't the only reason you jumped at the chance to share a bed with me, was it?" Beckett asked and again there was no judgment.

It took Castle a moment to answer and when he did he had a far off, lost look in his eyes. "Have you ever seen what happens when I sniper shoots someone in the head?" He asked, Beckett wasn't expecting this question but she shook her head no. "Well I have, when I was researching one of my books I found some footage of a bank robber who took hostages being taken out by a sniper." He explained slowly and then he took a breath before he continued. His voice was halting and said and he was just barely holding back tears. "It's not like the movies or tv...it isn't clean...the head just explodes, pieces of brain and skull go everywhere,...teeth go all over the place if the head is head in the right spot...in the end not even the person's family would know it is them" Castle then looked away and started to cry and then he continued softly. "Every time I close my eyes every time I sleep I am back at the funeral and I don't make it in time...every...time...I...see that..happening to...you. The only time I don't is when I can reach over and feel you sleeping next to me." He explained and then he looked up and Beckett and he broke and started crying like a baby.

Beckett couldn't think of anything else to do so she leaned forward and grabbed him in a hug. "It's okay, I am right here and I am not leaving." She muttered. Not knowing what else to say. She had no idea how long they were there but at last Castle stopped and pushed her away.

"Thank you, for understanding." He said looking up at her.

"Always." Beckett replied.

"I hope it will get better." Castle said a moment later, and his eyes were red but he was done crying and becoming himself again.

"It will." Beckett reassured him and then added. "The first time I had a gun pulled on me on the job I froze." She explained and this seemed to get Castle's interest and he perked up. She knew he would pay attention to this there was nothing he loved more then a story and peeling layers of the Beckett onion, she knew this wouldn't fix everything but she hoped it would help. "Seven out of ten trained cops do. I was then a wreck for weeks because I kept seeing how it could have gone wrong but the fear slowly faded and the next time I didn't freeze. What you are going through is normal and it will get better." She said firmly.

"Okay, thanks." Castle said with a grateful smile and then added. "I just hope I don't have to get shot again to be alright." This earned him an eye roll from Beckett. "Too soon?" He asked flashing his old cocky smile.

Beckett was about to say something when they both heard a loud crash coming from the upstairs. Beckett ran her hands through her hair and then sighed, she was hoping to get a shower before having to deal with this but luck was not on her side. ""Sounds like my dad's up, I'll have to go deal with him." Beckett explained sadly.

Castle nodded that he understood and then he spoke up. "If you need any help or just someone to talk to I am here, you don't have to face this alone this time." He said said looking up at her as she stood up. At first Beckett was tempted to lie and say that she didn't need his help, after all he had problems of his own but then she remembered the advice she had given Alexis just the day before and she decided that not only did she need his help but maybe it would be the best thing for him as well.

"Thanks that means a lot." Beckett said looking down at her writer and then she added to make it clear where she stood. "I will not shut myself down, we will talk later but right now I have to deal with this."

Castle again nodded that he understood and then spoke again. "Good luck."

"Thanks, I am going to need it." Beckett replied as she turned and headed out of the room. The sun was not even up yet and already she was having a very hard day, she hoped things would get better soon but she knew that they were going to get worse. She had a very hard job waiting for her upstairs and she just hoped she was up for it.

**Sorry it has been a week since I updated but before writing Castle dealing with his psychological issues and Jim dealing with his relapse I needed to do some more research. Sorry to leave you hanging for so long. Thanks for putting up with these delays.**

**Sorry this chapter didn't do much to advance the plot but the plot will move forward soon. The next chapter is all about Jim and Kate and then it is back to New York to see what Ryan and Esposito are up to.**

**Oh and as always you guys are the best, thank for reading and reviewing.**

**Oh and...OVER 100 PEOPLE ARE following THIS STORY...YEAH!**

**So glad so many people seemed be enjoying this, thanks for reading.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Kate walked up the stairs with a great deal of trepidation, she didn't know what she was going to do once she got to the top. A big part of her just wanted to scream at her dad for doing this to her again, another part wondered what the point would be, after all he had chosen drink over her so would he even care? Was there even a relationship left to save at this point? She had to try right? She knew she would never forgive herself if she didn't try and deep down she knew if she hadn't have yelled at him this would not have happened. Still she needed her dad to start being a dad and not someone who she lived in fear of speaking to because she was afraid saying the wrong thing would push him off the deep end. Then again maybe that was a Beckett family trait, if she was being honest she would admit that she was just as guilty of running off and pushing people away as her father was. She had run away from him and when she thought about all the times that she had known just by looking at him Castle had wanted to tell her how he felt but had held back for fear of sending her running she was not proud of herself. She just was not sure she could handle doing this all over again, then again she did have Castle this time and that was something. The big question was did her dad want to get sober? She knew from all the years she supported him in AA that a person had to get sober for themselves not the people around them. If he was only getting sober for her they would just end up right back at this same place the next time something bad happened. She couldn't make this about herself, as hard it would be she had to put her own feelings aside and make the focus her father and not herself. She resolved to do this and as she reached the top of the stairs she took a breath and let her face go as neutral as she could make it. She had to keep her emotions in check, that was the only way this would work out.

The first room she tried turned out to be the one Alexis had settled in. The girl was still asleep so Kate quickly and quietly closed the door. There were two bedrooms on each end of the hall and Kate decided that Martha was most likely in the bedroom beside Alexis' so Kate decided to cross the hall and try the bedroom next to Kelly's. Her hunch turned out to be right, she saw several plain suitcases sitting in front of the bed, which was itself a mess, and the lamp that had sat on the bedside table lay on the floor surrounded by pieces of broken glass from the light bulb breaking, but there was no sign of her father.

Kate looked around the room but aside from the lamp being knocked over she could find no sign of her father. The room was much smaller then the master bedroom but it was put together in much the same style. Instead of a king sized bed there was a nice double bed and Kate could easily see being able to live in the room comfortably. It didn't take her long to search the room and when she was done she heard an all too familiar sound, it was the sound of her father emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet in the small bathroom, at least she hoped he had made it too the toilet, she was in no mood to clean up a mess at that moment.

Kate quietly pushed the bathroom door opened and thank goodness her dad had made it to the toilet, it didn't always work out that way. She wanted to cry and scream at the same time but instead she just stood in the doorway with her arms crossed watching the scene that was unfolding in front of her. Jim Beckett finished being sick and then slowly on shaky legs stood up and made his way other to the sink and began to wash his mouth out with water, the whole time he didn't look over at his daughter once. Then with his shoulders hunched and looking at the floor he turned and left the bathroom, he didn't say a word as he slowly walked past his daughter and slummed down on the foot of the bed.

"So was it worth it?" Kate demanded in a sharp tone as she quickly spun around to face her father, he did not respond or look up, he just placed his hands over his eyes as if the first rays of sunlight that were creeping in through the window were painful to him. Kate was angry but tried to keep her temper in check while still making her point but it was hard. "Is this you trying to punish me or are you just trying to kill yourself?" She asked and again he didn't look up. "If you are going to kill yourself then you can do it without me, I don't need this, I never needed it." Kate glared at her father as she took a couple of steps closer to the bed.

This got a reaction from Jim, he didn't look up but with shaking hands he began to rub his eyes,when he spoke a moment later it was in a harsh whisper that he never used unless he had been drinking. "You kill yourself your way, I'll kill myself mine. We both died the night your mother was stabbed, let's not pretend otherwise."

This put a fire in Kate and she stepped forward till she was standing right in front of her father, he was still looking down at his hands but she was too angry to care. "Don't you dare use mom as an excuse to kill yourself with drink, she wouldn't stand for this and I will not either!" He nostrils flared as she spoke and her face turned red.

"Why can't I?!" Jim demanded as he looked up at his daughter with blood shot eyes and he felt his pulse pounding in his ears. "It's what you are doing!"

"I am not!" Kate bellowed as she clenched her fists and her face turned red.

"Yes you are, At least I am enjoying my trip to the grave and it helps lesson the pain!" Jim retorted as he stood up off of the bed and toward over his daughter causing her to take a half step backwards.

"I am the one who has to take care of you every time you do this." Kate objected trying to regain control of the situation.

"I never asked you to take care of me!" Jim yelled and then he turned around so his back was facing Kate.

"But I'm your daughter." Kate pleaded as she struggled to hold back her tears.

"Exactly you are my daughter and you have no right to try and tell me how to live my life!" Jim responded without turning around to face Kate.

"Is that what this is about, some stupid caveman thing?" Kate demanded as she walked around to face her father and then added in a tone that reeked of disappointment. "I always thought you were better then that."

"I am only human, and I can only take so much." Jim said as he became quiet for the first time and he still refused to look at his daughter.

"You can't stay sober for me, if I have to be perfect for you to stop drinking then you may as well drink yourself to death right now, because I am broken and will never be the daughter you want." Kate said harshly and then she looked down at the floor.

"Is that what you really think?" Jim asked a moment later as he looked at his daughter with tears coming out of his bloodshot eyes.

"Well you are trying to punish me by killing yourself so what am I supposed to think." Kate said in a bitter tone, refusing to look her father in the eyes.

"Katie, I love you and I am proud of you." Jim said gently, still crying as he reached for his daughter's shoulder but she pulled back, unable to stand the thought of being touched by him.

"I think if you ever did love me that love died with mom." Kate said said accusingly as she looked at her father with a mixture of anger and sadness in her eyes.

"That's not true." Jim cried and he slumped to the floor and began crying into his hands.

Kate spent a moment watching him before she softened a little and sat down on the floor in front of him and place a hand carefully one his shoulder. "If it's not then why do you keep doing this to me?" She asked in desperation, and she felt eye own mouth go dry and she was nearly crying herself.

"Because it's all too much!" Jim cried out without looking up, he was still unable to control his own tears and he felt a sense of nausea overcome him that had nothing to do with his drinking.

"What is too much, I have given up the case and we are in an FBI safe house. I am not going to die." Kate tried to explain to father, she knew her father must remember their conversation from the day before or he would be demanding to know where they were and what had happened, so his continuing to blame her made no sense. Still maybe he was just looking for an accuse to continue to drink, it wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

"Everything, is too much." Jim replied in a broken voice full of shame. "It's all too much for me to handle without a drink."

This was too much for Kate, she reach other and placed her hand on his face and forced him to look at her, she then held out her wrist that she kept his watch on. "That is nonsense." She said sternly. "You can beat this, you did it before and this is the proof. I am not letting an alcohol into the his house, so you can beat this like you did before. The only question is do you want to."

"It's not that simple." Jim pleaded and he was shaking now, but Kate would not let him look away from her, instead she fixed his eyes with a hard look, she wouldn't let him hide from himself or her. "That was before I knew." He ran a hand through his messy hair, all his shaking hand managed to do was make his hair even more messy. "They are going to keep coming for you and it is all my fault."

This caused a tightening in the pit of Kate's stomach, until now she had comforted herself with the knowledge that what he had said yesterday was just drunk talk but now it seemed there was more to it then that still she had to know the whole truth. "What do you mean, how is this your fault?" She asked, her voice shaking with fear.

Jim then stood up and turned away from his daughter, he walked to the other end of the room, putting as much distance between them as he could without leaving the room, yet he still refused to speak. "Haven't I earned the whole truth, don't you owe me at least that much?!" Kate demanded as angry tears streamed down her face and she walked over to her father.

"You will hate me if I tell you." Jim replied weakly without turning to face Kate.

"I am on the bring of hating you now and this is killing you, tell me!" Kate said as her face turned red and she reached over and grabbed her father's shoulders and forced him to face her.

"Okay, I will tell you." Jim said as he was turned and his voice was more broken then then Kate had ever heard it before. "Your mother is dead because I stopped her from getting help."

"What do you mean, you had no idea anything was going to happen to her." Kate objected but their was terror in her voice, she feared that there was more to the story then she thought.

"You don't understand, for weeks before hand we received threatening phone calls telling her to drop the case." Jim said looking at his daughter with guilt written all over his face, this caused Kate to take a step back and place her hand over her open mouth.

"What didn't you do something?!" Kate demanded a moment later as rage and shock battled for control of her body.

"Because when you are defending killers you get calls like that all the time from family members of victims. She wanted to go to the police but I wouldn't let her, I told her it was nothing. I failed to protect her and she was murdered. It's all my fault." Jim explained, ringing his hands with a mixture of nervousness and guilt.

Kate turned away, she couldn't look at him at that moment. He was right if he had let her mother go to the police she would be alive right now. Kate began to cry, her father had let her whole life be ruined, he had destroyed their family. He deserved the self inflected punishment he was putting on himself. It was all his fault. Then suddenly she remembered something Alexis had said to her. The truth was she had no way of knowing what would have happened if her mother had gone to the police, she knew that cops didn't always deal effectively with death threats and after a week or so they would have stopped guarding her mothers. She didn't know who these people were but she knew they would have been willing to wait. Nothing would have been changed, at any rate even if it was his fault she knew her mother would not blame her father so she couldn't let him blame himself. Her legacy had to be bigger then her death. Kate brought her tears under control and wiped her face with her left sleeve and then turned around to face her father. When she spoke it was with the calm firm voice of an officer laying down the law.

"You are wrong." She said and Jim looked up at her for a moment with tear stained eyes. "There is nothing you could have done. These people are powerful. This isn't your fault, the only people who are to blame are the bastards who killed mom." Kate echoed the words of the redheaded teenager she had talked to yesterday. Jim didn't look convinced so she continued. "Mom did what she did to help people and those cold blooded killers had no right to try and stop her and if you had gone to the police they would have protected her for maybe a week and these people would have just waited and attacked later. There was nothing you could have done to stop this and mom loved you and wouldn't want to see either of us killing ourselves over it."

Jim looked at his daughter with questioning eyes. "Why would you think this is your fault?" He asked.

"Because it was my idea that we go to dinner that night, so for years I told myself that she wouldn't have been where she was if she had not been coming to meet us." Kate explained and she wanted nothing more then to run away and hide but she refused to break eye contract with her father. "So you were right, I put up a wall and cut everyone off and tried to work myself to death. I was wrong and I am sorry."

"Oh, Katie." Jim said as he reached over and took his daughter in a hug which a second later she returned and they both cried quietly for several minutes and then Kate pulled a way.

"We both need to stop punishing ourselves, we need to remember how mom lived not how she died." Kate said with a sniff.

"You are right." Jim said a moment later. "Your mother was too good a woman for us to only let people remember her for the pain her death caused. Those monsters took her from us and we can't let them take her memory from us as well." He said firmly.

"Dad, I'll stop killing myself with work if you will stop doing the same with alcohol, is that a deal?" Kate asked softly.

"Deal." Jim said with a sad smile as he reached out and shook his daughter's right hand. "It will get better you know. I am so sorry I let you down."

"I'm sorry too, I should have listened to you." Kate admitted sadly.

"You know my problems are not going to be fixed overnight." Jim said as he fixed his daughter with a grave look.

"Neither are mine." Kate responded sadly and then added a moment later. "But I will not give up on you."

"And I will not give up on you, together we will get through this." Jim said firmly and then he hugged Kate again and this time there were no tears.

Kate pulled away and smiled at her father for the first time in days. "Good, now let's get you downstairs and get some water into you before your hangover gets too bad."

"Lead on, I can't get some water and some Advil in me soon enough." Jim said as he followed his daughter out of the bedroom. Things were far from perfect but at long last they were on the right track.

**This was the hardest chapter to write because no one in my family drinks. Also I rewrote it four times and I am still not happy with it but it's the best I could do. Sorry it took so long and it is so weak, the next chapter will be much stronger as it features Ryan and Esposito in New York.**

**Thanks for all of your support and feedback, you guys are the best.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Detective second class Kevin Ryan was feeling board and depressed as he sat at his desk filling out routine paperwork on a routine by the numbers murder. There was nothing wrong with these types of cases, they deserved justice too and the easy ones meant he could make it home on time for a change and that would make Jenny very happy, the trouble was that the case and the paper work could not hold his attention. How were they supposed to when his boss and one of his friends was in hiding? He should be looking at the case that had sent them fleeing for cover, not the case of two drug dealers who got into a beef over turf and one had been stupid enough to shoot the other in front of a dozen witnesses , he had enough of those types of cases during his time with vice, plus people he cared about were in danger, how could he focus on something this stupid with that going on? Intellectually he knew that there was a good reason that cops were not allowed to work cases they had a personal stake in and he knew that if detectives were allowed to choose their own cases there would be chaos, still that knowledge was of little comfort to the Irish detective, He knew his friends and partners were in danger and he wished he could be doing something about it.

If only Gates were not in today maybe he and Esposito could sneak off and at least chuck out the scene of the car bomb once again, that whole set up still didn't make a lick of sense to him, but Gates had been watching them like a hawk ever since she had caught them with Beckett at the crime scene yesterday, so there was no chance of doing that. Part of him had to wonder if the older woman had been planted by someone powerful to get in their way. It was unlikely and everything she had done had been by the book, still every lead in this case had come from their team so he had to wonder if she was blocking them on purpose, stranger things had happened after all. If that was the case there was nothing he could do about it at the moment, so he just sighed and returned to his paper work, but it was only a couple of more minutes before he was board again and looking across the bullpen at his partner.

If there was one person who was more upset then he was by the current state of affairs it was his partner, Detective second class Javier Esposito, he wasn't just upset by the turn of events he was frustrated and angry because of them. He was not showing his a emotions on his face, his years in the military and as a detective had taught him better then to do that, but anyone who knew him well could tell just how tense the Hispanic detective was. The way he moved the papers on his desk, the he wrote with his pen and typed on his keyboard, and the way he held ever muscle in his body as if he were a large predatory animal getting ready to strike at it's prey told the whole story. His team was under attack and he wasn't allowed to do anything about it, this simple fact was eating away at his insides. What was worse he had no way to contact Beckett so if something did go wrong he wouldn't know it, and he didn't trust Sorrenson to do his job right and for all he knew the FBI was involved. All of these thoughts were making it very hard for him to focus on his paper work.

Ryan needed to stretch his legs, he had been sitting at his desk filling out papers since he had gotten to work more then two hours before, so he stood up and made his way over to his friend and partner's desk.

"Hey this is all pretty crazy, isn't it?" The Irish detective said as he placed his hands in his pockets and stepped in front of Epsosito's desk.

"Yeah, we should be working that case and Beckett shouldn't have to hide." The other detective said through clenched teeth without looking up from his paper work.

"No argument here, but we can't do anything about it as long as "Iron Gates" is running the place." Ryan replied with a dejected sigh. "Do you think that bomb yesterday at least took care of our sniper?" He then asked hopefully.

"No." Came the terse reply and again Esposito didn't look up at him.

"Why?" Ryan asked puzzled.

Esposito called on his military training to answer this question. "Because being s sniper and an explosive expert are two completely different skill sets and it is highly unlikely that one person would be able to shoot Castle at that range and rig a gas pipe to explode." He explained looking up at his friend at last but he was not showing any emotion on his face, most people would mistake this for coldness but in reality he was just keeping his feelings under control since there wasn't anything he could do to fix the problem.

"Great so only one of our perps got blown up and there are more where they came from and our sniper is still on the loose." Ryan said in an exasperated tone as he rubbed his right hand over his face.

"Yeah and these people are so powerful I wouldn't be surprised if they had someone inside the FBI." Esposito explained in a harsh whisper.

"And we can't do a thing about it because we are too busy worrying about drug dealers." Ryan said clenching his fists with anger.

"We just have to sit back and wait for news from the feds." Esposito agreed, just as angry as his partner. "I have an old army buddy looking through records for any ex military snipers or explosive experts who may fit this M.O and he is also looking into reports of any stolen C4 but I don't think he will find anything before the feds do." Esposito then added.

"At least that is something." Ryan conceded and he calmed down a second before adding. "I just don't like waiting."

"None of us do, bro." Esposito said as he looked up at his friend which told him that he knew all too well how he felt. "Still sometimes it's the only thing you can do."

"I know, but I still don't like it." Ryan said with another frustrated huff.

"No one ever does." Esposito agreed and then he returned his attention to his paper work.

Ryan was about to make his way back to his own desk when suddenly Captain Victoria Gates stuck her head out of her office. As always her face didn't betray any emotions and her manor was efficient and business liked. "Epsosito and Ryan." She barked out.

"Here." Ryans replied.

"Yes, Sir." Esposito responded remembering to use the title the older woman insisted on while turning in his chair to face her.

"The FBI wants to talk to you. Report to Special Agent Culdwell at the federal building A.S.A.P." Gates called out and then just as quickly she ducked back into her office to get on with her own work.

"What's that about?" Ryan asked as he turned to fix his friend with a puzzled look.

"Beats me, maybe they want to ask us some questions about Montgomery." Esposito answered has he grabbed his jacket off of the back of his chair. The mention of the man who betrayed them caused both detectives to become silent, lost in their own thoughts, this silents lasted until they made their way inside the federal building some twenty minutes later.

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Kelly and Beckett had insisted on making Castle a healthy breakfast of oatmeal and fruit, much to Castle's chagrin, he wanted a S'Morelett. The only thing that caused him to stop objecting to this was Kelly pointing out that he would need to watch what he ate from then on if he didn't want to balloon up and become very fat. Great, another reason to hate being in the chair.

As Castle watched Beckett and Kelly make his breakfast, he hated seeing Kate reduced to such a role but he couldn't reach the stove so someone had to do it for him and she had insisted. Still Beckett's place was out catching murderers, not in the kitchen making meals for him, yet another thing to add to the ever growing list of things he hated about being in a wheelchair.

Castle was unsure how he felt about the fact that Beckett and Kelly seemed to be getting along now for some reason. On the one hand it made his life easier if he didn't have to worry about them fighting over him, that thought made him smile smugly to himself, after all of the years Beckett hadn't let him in now she was fighting for him, that was a good feeling. Still it did make thing complicated when she was mad at the young woman and he had no idea what had caused her to soften but since it made his life easier to a degree he guessed he was happy with the latest turn of event. Then again it did mean they could gang up on him as had been the case with breakfast. He really didn't like that idea, still in the end he had agreed to watch what he ate, he didn't want Kate to have to put up with him getting fat along with everything else. It was bad enough that he was crippled before they got together, he didn't need to be ugly on top of that. Still he knew she wasn't leaving, at least he kept telling himself that, he had no idea why he found that so hard to believe but he would not hurt her by bringing it up again, he just hoped these doubts would go away soon.

Castle had to admit that despite his moments of doubt the morning was going rather well even if it did feel a little strange. He had to keep reminding himself just how early it was and that despite his being up for almost two hours it was much earlier then Martha or Alexis normally got up when they didn't have an acting class or school. He was normally the latest riser of the bunch so there was just something off about being up before them. Of course that wasn't the only thing that was off, he wasn't in his loft either, and he had not woken up in his own bed. He had also woken up next to Kate, that part he didn't mind so much but it was still strange and he would have to get used to it. Then there was the fact that her father Jim, a man he had only met once before, was sitting at the dinning room table slowly eating a piece of toast and drinking his coffee.

Castle was not sure what to make of Jim Beckett, the fact was Kate didn't talk about him all that much and Castle had only had one real conversation with the man and that was about how Kate's life had been in danger, All he really knew about the older gray haired man was that he was a lawyer and he had taken to the bottle when his wife died, that wasn't a lot to go on when it came to know him as a person. However Castle was reluctant to start up a conversation with the man, for one because talking to the father of a woman you had just had sex with the night before was awkward, there was no way around that, and two because the man looked tired and depressed, with good reason after what he had done yesterday. It was understandable that he would not be feeling his best this morning, still he wished he could clear the air and end the awkward silence that existed between them but he also knew it just was not the right time, so he would wait.

Breakfast passed quietly, Kate seemed to know both of the men in her life well enough to know that this was not the time to strike up a conversation. Kelly didn't seem to be quite so on the ball and tried to make cheerful conversation throughout the meal, everyone was polite but quiet and Castle was grateful when he finished eating and could leave the table for more reasons then one. He had forgotten how much he detested oatmeal, even with brown sugar he could not stand the stuff and was glad to be done with it at last when he finished.

The motor of Castle's wheelchair came to life as he backed away from the table, drawing Jim Beckett's attention and causing him to look over at the writer for a moment, but only a moment. Still in that one brief glance Castle saw something in the man's eyes he didn't like, it was pity. He didn't want pity, He was Richard Castle, world famous writer and ladies man, people didn't pity him, they envied him! He had had enough pity when he was a boy and adults would take pity on him for not having a father, as if that some how made him less of a person or someone who needed their help. He didn't need anyone's help or pity, he could handle this, He was not going to be an object of pity, some how he had to walk again. He would not let this stupid noisy chair define him.

It was as Castle finished these thoughts that he notice Jim quietly get up from the table and make his way to the kitchen door and outside. He didn't even look at Castle as he walked by the writer but Castle saw his face and on it was a completely different expression then the one that had been there a moment before, was that guilt? What did Jim Beckett have to feel guilty about? A moment later it hit Castle and he felt like an idiot. Castle had saved his daughter's life after he had told him that he was the only one who could, didn't he understand that Castle would have jumped in front of the bullet no mater what? Castle guessed not if the look on the older man's face was anything to go by. Was guilt over his shooting one of the reasons he had fallen off the wagon? Castle didn't know but if there was even a chance of that he needed to make sure Jim understood that the sniper would have been there no mater what the lawyer had done and he would have jumped in front of the bullet no matter what. With these thoughts on his mind and before Kate or Kelly could saw anything Castle made his way over to the large sliding door and down the ramp and out into the front yard.

The sun was just peaking up over the horizon has Castle made his way off of the ramp. The sun was giving everything a slightly yellowish glow and was causing everything to cast shadows on the ground behind them including Jim Beckett who was standing silently in the middle of the front lawn looking out towards the sun rise. The grass was moist with the dew of a fresh early summer morning, and Castle was glad he had opted for an all terrain model of wheelchair since he was pretty sure a normal wheelchair would have gotten stuck in the grass. There was a gentle breeze that blew the pleasant smells of the woods through the yard, the scene was one of perfect peace but there was a tension underlying everything as Castle brought his wheelchair up besides the right hand side of Jim Beckett, the man didn't look at him so Castle decided he would have to start the conversation.

"It's not your fault you know." Castle said quietly, looking up at the older man who was standing beside him. Jim's only response was to take a deep pained breath and then take two steps sideways to put some distance between himself and the writer. Castle responded by turning his wheelchair and facing Jim before speaking again. "It's not you know. That sniper would have been there and so would I even if you had not come to my loft that night." Castle said firmly.

Jim then turned and his face didn't show and emotion but he had his hands in his pockets and he was looking down at his feet, when he spoke his voice was calm but full of guilt. "I put a burden on your shoulders that wasn't yours and now you and your family have been wrecked because of it. It was my job to protect Kate, not yours." Jim explained without looking directly at the writer.

"No it wasn't." Castle said shaking his head. "Kate is a grown woman and a cop you can't protect her, you didn't cause me to do anything."

"That's nice of you to say but she is my family and not yours and your family nearly lost you because I can't take care of my own family." Jim said doubtfully, still looking down at his shoes.

"You are wrong." Castle said firmly and this got Jim to look at him at long last and the looked like he was going to object but Castle would not let him. "Kate is part of my family, she has been for a while it's just the two of us were too stupid to see it. If she had been shot it would have hurt my family just as much."

"How can you say that when you are stuck in that chair?" Jim demanded clenching his fist, this was clearly a very hard conversation for him to have but Castle was not able to let it go now.

"This." Castle said indicating the wheelchair with his right hand. "Can't wreck my family, we will get through this and adjust. I would have been at the funeral no mater what, if I had never met you I still would have jumped in front of that bullet and I would still be in this chair."

"You can't know that." Jim objected.

"Okay, let's say that you are right." Castle said as he clenched his jaw, he was becoming slightly frustrated with this man who seemed to be going out of his way to take responsibility for actions that were not his. "Let's say that if you had not come to my loft then I wouldn't have been there and would not have gotten shot, in that case I am glad you came to my loft!" Castle said forcefully, this drew a shocked look from Jim so he continued. "If I had not been there Kate would have been killed and I would rather never walk again then see that happen."

Jim seemed to take a few moments to process this and then the guilt slowly started to slip a way and when he spoke it was in a hushed tone of voice. "You really do love her, don't you son?" He asked.

"Yes sir, I do." Castle replied respectfully and then added with some force. "And I will not stand by and watch her get hurt if I can help it. When you take on guilt that isn't yours and give yourself an excuse to drink you hurt her." Castle fixed the older man with a firm stare that showed he was all business and couldn't be messed with.

Jim silently nodded that he understood and then added. "I am glad my daughter has someone like you beside her, I have let her down too many times."

"Just make sure you never let her down again and everything will be fine." Castle said firmly.

"I'll do my best." Jim said sadly turning to look at the rising sun.

"See that you do, because I mean it I will not stand by while you hurt her." Castle said as he turned his wheelchair and headed back to the house. As he did so he didn't see Kate quietly slide the door closed and head for the reading area and start reading a copy of Storm Season she had brought with her. She had witnessed the whole exchange and a few times she had been tempted to step in but she was glad to see her father and her partner had worked things out on their own, she would never tell them that she had seen the whole thing, she would just let the two men think it was a secret between them. She didn't even look up from behind her book when she heard Castle reenter the house, but she smiled to herself for just a moment and then returned to reading the book. This was indeed a brand new day and chapter in her life.

**The holidays are just playing havoc with my writing, sorry. This chapter was going to be much longer but I wanted to be sure I got something posted before Christmas. I will try to post another chapter before then but I can't promise anything.**

**Thanks for putting up with my delays and reading and reviewing, as always you guys are the best.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

The FBI Special Agent who was in charge of what had been dubbed "The dragon case" was a middle aged man of Scotch-Irish decent named Micheal Cauldwell. He stood just barely six feet tall and was slightly over weight but not grossly so, he had bright red hair that was only just starting to turn gray which he kept in a short buzz cut. The wrinkles on his face and the deep penetrating gaze that radiated from his brown eyes that seemed to act as an x-ray into the soul of whomever he was speaking with gave him the look of a wise all knowing grandfather from whom nothing could be hidden. When he spoke his voice had a gentle reassuring quality to it but his eyes and face gave the impression that this was just velvet covering steel and he was not to be trifled with, this had enabled him to break his share of hardened suspects, still he was not to proud to admit when he needed help.

In his twenty-seven year carrier with the Bureau he had earned a reputation for handling complex cases that involved political corruption and organized crime, he wasn't one to play politics so other more political agents tended to take credit for cases he cracked but everyone who mattered knew he was the guy you wanted working the case that other agents couldn't crack and that was all that mattered to him. Still in all his years he had never encountered a case this big or this complex and he wasn't about to let his pride stand in the way of solving it, he would take whatever help he could get in order to crack this case.

Cauldwell had joined the FBI after a brief stint in the marines, he had done well with basic training and had been made a sniper and he had killed two enemy soldiers, he did not regret what he had done but he didn't like doing it at all, shortly after this he had left. Since he had joined the FBI he had drawn his weapon many times but he was proud of the fact that in over a quarter century of service he had never once had to fire his weapon at another person. If he had one odd personal tick that people would comment on it was that when he was frustrated or just thinking very hard he would pace back and forth across his office while snapping his fingers, he himself had no idea why he did such a thing he only knew that ever since he was a child it had helped him focus when he was having trouble solving a problem.

At that moment Special Agent Cauldwell was pacing back and forth in front of his desk while snapping his fingers. He was not one to turn away help when he needed it but he also disliked being out of control of any given situation and he didn't like calling in outsiders to work on his case, and when he could not be one hundred percent sure that the outsiders were not involved in the case he disliked it even more. It was bad enough that something this big had slipped under the FBI's radar for so long and they didn't even have a clue that it was going on but now they couldn't even solve the problem themselves. Mike Cauldwell didn't play politics but even he could see that this was a huge black eye for the Bureau and that whoever was behind this case was powerful so the more people were involved with the investigation the more likely it became that information would leak and whoever was behind this complex web would vanish, never to be seen again. Still he had to weigh these facts against the fact that whoever was behind this was completely ruthless and would stop at nothing, including blowing up a hospital in order to cover up his or her crimes. This person was clearly a terrorist in the worst, sense it didn't matter to Cauldwell if the FBI would ever call this person a terrorist in public this person was willing to engage in mass murder in order to farther his or her own ends so that made then a terrorist and he couldn't afford to take one second longer then was necessary to bring them down. Every second this monster was free put people's lives in danger so he had put aside his own personal misgivings and called the mayor of New York city to get the help of two NYPD detectives who's help he needed at that moment. He would work with them to solve the case but he would not trust them and he would keep a strict eye on everything they did.

This was how detectives Ryan and Esposito first laid eyes on the special agent as they were buzzed into his office, he was pacing back and forth in front of his desk snapping his fingers with his eyes fixed on the floor as he did so, he didn't even seem to notice the two detectives entering the room. Ryan and Esposito exchanged a brief worried look and then returned their attention to the older man.

Ryan was the first to speak. "Special Agent Cauldwell?" He asked taking a step forward.

"You must be detective Ryan." The older man stated turning his attention to the Irish detective, he had learned long ago not to be embarrassed by his little personal quirks and he extended his right hand which Ryan took after a second.

"That would make you Detective Esposito." Cauldwell said a moment latter, turning his attention to the hispnic detective. Esposito took his hand and shook it before asking the question that was on both his and Ryan's minds. "Why are we here?"

"Right, down to business." the older man replied as he motioned for Ryan and Esposito to have a seat in two chairs that were in front of his desk, he then made his way behind the desk and sat down. "As you know the FBI is holding Mister Chang in custody in this building after the incident at the hospital."

"Incident?" Ryan blurted out, shocked at how calmly the older man seemed to be taking the latest development in the case. "They set off a god damn bomb!"

"Yes and let me assure you that we are taking this mater very seriously." Cauldwell responded, Neither Ryan nor Esposito seemed very reassured but a life time of working high profile cases had taught Special Agent Cauldwell the folly of giving too much away before a conviction was secured, he liked to play his cards very close to his chest. "This case and bringing down the man known as "The Dragon" is our highest priority at the moment, that is why I am here and why I have called you in."

Esposito in particular did not seem impressed. "Really?" He asked leaning forward in his chair. "Because this all seems like a wast of time, everything we know about "The Dragon" is in our reports. Chang is our best lead, you should be grilling him instead of us."

Cauldwell did not let the implication of incompetentance affect him, in fact his face betrayed no emotions at all, he continued addressing both men as if Esposito had never spoken. "Mister Chang is our best lead at the moment, We are following the money trail but that will take time and Mister Chang seems to have had a face to face meeting with a high level member of "The Dragon's" organization so we are hoping to use him to close this case fast."

"Good, because this guy is ruthless, he was willing to blow up a hospital just to get at Castle and Beckett." Ryan said, he still didn't trust the man sitting across the desk from him but it at least sounded like he was on the right track.

"Indeed, ideally we will close this case before he kills again but it is clear he is powerful, rich, and has contacts in high places so I can't promise anything." Cauldwell explained coldly, still despite the lack of emotion showing on the older man's face Esposito thought he detected a hint of frustration in the his voice, it was slight but it was there. It was the same type of frustration he had heard in his commanding officers voices when they got tired of dealing with Terrorists who refused to come out and fight and instead used unseen I. to do their dirty work, he could tell this man wanted the problem taken care of but was hitting one wall after another.

"What do you need from us?" Esposito asked as he leaned forward in his chair slightly, he wasn't sure if he should fully trust this stranger but his instincts told him the man was invested in bringing "The Dragon" to justice.

"Well as I said Mister Chang is our best lead but he is refusing to talk to us, he says he doesn't trust us because he doesn't know if we are involved so he is refusing to give us anything." Cauldwell explained looking from one of the detectives that was seated in front of him to the other.

"So, we caught him in the middle of a plot to blow up a hospital." Ryan said, fixing the special agent with a puzzled look.

"Yeah, just put the screws to him and he will talk. Why do you need us." Epsosito scoffed, he wasn't sure he understood what the problem was, breaking this guy should be easy.

"Normally that is exactly what we would do but with lives on the line I want this case closed as quickly as possible, and that will take two or three days." Cauldwell calmly explained.

"Okay, how can we help?" Ryan asked, like his partner he was now at least willing to listen to the man across the desk from him.

"Mister Chang says he will talk to the officers who arrested him, he says he trusts you." Cauldwell explained as he leaned forward slightly in his chair. "We need you to find out everything he knows and get a description of his contact."

"Sounds easy enough." Esposito said with a shrug and Ryan nodded that he agreed.

"I want you to understand that you will be answering to me on this case and we will be doing things by the book, no more of this off the grid behind the scenes stuff." Cauldwell said firmly, Ryan and Esposito didn't much like his tone but he didn't give them time to object. "Whoever this guy is he is rich and powerful so he will have an army of lawyers and when we catch him I don't want to give them anything they can use. This is the type of scumbag we only get one shot at and I am not letting him get away because of sloppy case work, understood?!"

Ryan and Esposito didn't care for what the special agent was implying but they both had seen enough cases fall apart in court to at least understand where the man was coming from, then there was the fact that this man was their best way back onto the case and Beckett's life hung in the balance, so they swallowed their pride and nodded that they understood.

"All right then, I will show you to one of our interrogation rooms." Cauldwell said as he stood up and the two detectives stood to follow him, they were back on the case and hopefully things were about to hit the fan.

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"Richard do you know exactly where we are at the moment?!" Martha Rodgers huffed in frustration as she paced back and forth in front of her son, who had been enjoying the mid morning breeze which blew through the open windows of the living room/ porch. Castle was tempted to respond with something smart ass since he was under enough stress at the moment without worrying about his mother's petty complaints, but a life time of living with her had taught him the folly of interrupting her when she was venting so he kept his mouth shut and only have listened to her rant. "We are off of the map, we are no longer on planet earth." The actress said raising her arms in the air melodramatically as she turned to face her son.

"It not that bad." Castle scoffed trying to sound amused by his mother's antics but deep down he knew he would be bouncing off of the walls in a few days as well, that is if he could walk. He knew how she felt trapped and cut off but he didn't know what else he could do about it other then assure her it was not that bad and let her vent. He really had gotten his family into a fine mess this time, if only he had listened to Beckett when she told him not to go digging in her mother's case, still the past could not be undone, so he had to deal with the problems of life as they stood at that moment.

"Oh really?!" Martha blurted out shocked, and then she took a couple of steps closer to her son. "These people have never even heard of the theater! There is no true culture here, the biggest thing that ever happens here is a new Wal-Mart opening. I have watched the news, it's insane, people can not live like this." She said and then added with a sigh. "It destroys the spirit."

"Well I don't know what to tell you mother, this is how most people live." Castle explained calmly.

"This is not living, this is existing. There is no passion here, no soul." Martha rebutted with a wave of her hand.

"So what, you are saying everyone who lives her is a zombi?" Castle said with a laugh.

"Yes they are, they have nothing that makes life worth living." Martha said in a mater of fact manor.

"Well then it's a good thing I have been working on my zombi survival strategy since 2004." Castle rebuffed.

"Unless this strategy involves bringing culture to the zombis I am not interested." Martha replied, she could tell she was being mocked and she was not having any of it.

"There is more to life then the theater." Castle pointed out, but all this did was draw a look of disbelief from his Mother. He knew that was a mistake, never question the importance of the theater to Martha Rodger's face.

"What, court TV?! That isn't art that is trash, theater is the highest art form, it has been practiced in every culture since the dawn of time. If you don't have theater, you don't have a civilization." The actress stated and she advanced to within a few steps of her son.

Castle was trying to figure out how to respond to this when his daughter stepped into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but your psychiatrist here, dad." The redhead reported and Castle could tell that while his daughter was trying to sound cheerful, she wasn't taking to the new living conditions much better then her grandmother and a fresh wave of guilt washed over him. Still he was glad to have been saved by the bell and to be able to leave the room and the argument with his mother behind, as selfish as that may have been. Castle thanked his daughter and she left the room as he brought his wheelchair to live and began to follow her.

"But Richard what are we supposed to do." His mother called out.

"You're brilliant Mother, I am sure you will figure something out." Castle called out as he left the room. He was not looking forward to his first meeting with the new head shrink but at least it would be a change and who knew, maybe he would get lucky and it would help.

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In the all white interrogation room of the FBI field office in New York city detectives Ryan and Esposito were becoming inpatient, they had been waiting more then ten minutes for Change to be brought up to speak with them. Even Special Agent Cauldwell was pacing back and forth, so the two detectives guessed that this wait was far from normal and that made them nervouse, still no one said a word.

Another minute passed and there was a buzz on the intercom, Cauldwell made his way over to the wall by the one way glass and hit the talk button on the intercom.

"Cauldwell." He stated tersely.

"Sir, this is agent Kelly, I think you need to get down to the holding cells now." A male voice said through the slight feedback put out by the intercom, but everyone could tell the voice was worried.

"What is wrong?" Cauldwell demanded.

"Sir I really think you will want to see for yourself." Kelly insisted.

"Okay, we will be right down." Cauldwell said with a sigh, and he signaled for Ryan and Epsosito to follow him. As the two detectives stood up and followed the special agent out of the room they exchanged a look, they knew that whatever had happened it could not be good.

There were about a dozen people in the hall that ran passed the holding cells by the time the three men got there, but they did not have to make it to the cell to know what had happened, they could smell it. Death has an unmistakable smell, and all three men knew it for too well to mistake it for anything else.

Agents and cleared out of the way as the three men entered the cell and when they did their worst fears were confirmed. Chang's eyes were open and lifeless, his tong was sticking out of his mouth, his face was slightly blue, his bows had released, and he was handing about a foot off of the floor by a belt that was wrapped around his neck with the other end wrapped around the metal frame of the top bunk of the bunk bed that was in the cell. He was dead.

"Oh God." Ryan said turning away, He had seen far worse deaths in his time with the NYPD, but this was their best lead.

"Why the hell wasn't he on suicide watch!" Esposito demanded and he turned and grabbed the special agent who was standing beside him by his suit coat. Esposito was no expert but even he knew that a man like this who was forced to get involved in the bombing of a hospital should be watched because he may choose the easy way out.

"It wasn't suicide." Ryan state simply as he returned his attention to the dead man hanging from the bed.

"Yeah, we had him on suicide watch." Cauldwell said calmly as he pushed the detective off of him and then he pointed to the right hand front corner of the cell. He was not going to panic he knew better then to do that, but he did know they were in trouble.

Ryan and Esposito looked to where the older man was pointing and they saw a security camera that had been smashed.

"Do you know what this means?!" Esposito demanded as he returned his attention to Special Agent Cauldwell, he was still angry.

"Yes I do." Cauldwell replied somberly. "It means we have to be very careful."

"The Dragon has someone inside the FBI." Ryan said finishing the thought.

"Shit!" Esposito exclaimed and he punched the wall. They were back at square one and they didn't know who they could trust.

**Finally I posted a new chapter. Sorry it has been more then a month, things got a little crazy after the holidays but I am now pleased to report that regular updates are back. Thanks for sticking with me, most readers would have given up after such a wait, you guys are the best. As always I value every review and PM.**

**Thanks for reading and supporting this story.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Kate Beckett walked slowly through the back yard, the slightly damp grass clung to her white sneakers as she lazily made her way in the direction of the woods. She listened to the sounds of nature while at the same time taking in every detail of the property she could with her eyes, she had not been out to the country since she was a small child and she had forgotten how much she had enjoyed the peace and quiet and the sights, sounds, and smells of nature. Still that was before it all went wrong, her mother had still been alive then and she had been visiting relatives, not hiding out under an assumed name. As she let her mind drift back on the gently swaying sea of memories for the first time in a long time to those carefree days where she had nothing more to worry about then being in awe of the horses, chickens, pigs, and cows she enjoyed watching she admitted to herself that she missed those days. She would never admit this to anyone else and she couldn't afford to admit it to herself most days, but she now wished those times would have never ended. She missed the days when she didn't have to worry about dead bodies. She missed not having to be tough and deal with drug dealers who killed over a street corner. She missed not having to worry about there being a bullet somewhere out there with her name on it. She missed not having to worry if her actions or even things outside of her control would drive her father back to the bottle he he dove into head first after her mother had died. Most of all she missed her mom. She missed having someone to talk to who wasn't her partner, or related to her partner in some way. She missed just being able to sit down and talk to a woman who wasn't one of her friends and or who didn't work with her. She missed the way her mother would always find a way to cheer her up and would tell her to never give up fighting for what was right. She wondered what her mother would think of her giving up the most important fight of her life and going into hiding, would she understand and forgive her daughter, Kate wasn't sure she could forgive herself. She knew she had done the right thing for Castle, but giving up just didn't sit well with her, she wished she could ask her mother in person what the right thing to do was. Still that couldn't be done and she had to live with the choices she had made. Kate let out a heavy sigh that spoke volumes about how confused and depressed she was at the moment.

By this point Kate Beckett had reached the very edge of the woods, the lawn tapered off and was replaced with dirt, old dead leaves, and small sticks and branches of trees. She took a minute to calm herself, knowing that filling her mind with guilt and self doubt would not help anyone, she had to find a way to calm down and live with the choices she had made. She closed her eyes and took a deep cleansing breath through her nose, letting the smell of the damp forest overwhelm her and wash all over thoughts from her mind. She listened to the sounds of the forest and let the chirping of the begs, the tweeting of the birds, and the sounds of small creatures running through the underbrush just out of eyesight sooth her, maybe coming this far out wasn't a mistake, if she had to sit the case out at least she was somewhere she could totally relax. At that moment she was so calm she had to reminder herself that she still had to keep an eye on her father, there were bound to be plenty of bars around and they were in the type of place where all of their neighbors would be drinking beer, so even though there was no temptation in the house, he could easily relapse again. Years of both dealing with her father and being a cop at taught her the sad truth about just how far an addict would go and what kind of excuses they would make to get his or her fix. At this thought she felt a hint of panic rise from the pit of her stomach, she closed her eyes and took another deep breath willing it back down, but she could not get rid of it completely, it was now an undercurrent running beneath the ocean of calm that was on her surface, still it was better then it could be. Then again it was now there constantly distracting her and she would have to be on her guard against it. Still at that exact moment it was not overwhelming her so she decided to enjoy her surroundings, she closed her eyes yet again and took in another calming breath.

Suddenly just as her muscles are starting to relax and go limp Beckett hears the sound of a twig snapping behind her and just to the right, she instantly tenses and spins around in a defensive posture and what she sees make her think that maybe Castle isn't the only one who was put on edge by his shooting.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." Sorrenson said apologetically as he carefully took a couple of steps closer to Beckett.

"What do you want, Will?" Beckett demanded as she turned away from the FBI special agent, she was clearly annoyed by his presence.

"I saw you out here and I thought that maybe we could, talk." Sorrenson said carefully as he took a few careful steps forward.

"What about?!" Beckett demanded, becoming angry but still refusing to look at him. "If this is about us don't bother, I am with Castle now and there was a good reason we broke up." She stated firmly.

"That's not why I am here." Sorrenson replied defensively and then he added with anger showing in his voice. "This may be hard for you to believe but I moved on from you, I have a life of my own that I built in Boston. I didn't come out here to win you back."

This got Beckett's attention and she turned to face him. "Then why did you come here?" She demanded .

"Because I still consider you a friend and I know why we got so close to begin with." Sorrenson explained just barely keeping control. "Kate, I know my relationship with my brother isn't exactly like the one you have with your father but I have seen him relapse but into drug addiction more then once and I know how hard that is to see." Beckett seemed to soften a little at this and Sorrenson took a breath and calmed down before he continued. "I just wanted to let you know that if you need someone to talk to who knows what it's like who isn't your boyfriend or his family, I am here as I friend." Sorrenson then turned to walk away but a moment latter Beckett called after him.

"Will, Thanks." Beckett said carefully and then added. "If I need it I will talk to you but right now I just need to be alone."

"Alright, see you latter." Sorrenson said and then he turned away again and walked off towards one of the sheds.

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Detectives Ryan and Esposito had been waiting in Special Agent Cauldwell's office for over half an hour, ever since seeing the body in the holding cell. They had long since run out of ways to complain about how badly the FBI had screwed up so they were passing the time by alternating between standing and pacing back and forth across the room, fuming about the current situation the whole time. Finally after what seemed like hours the door to the office opened and Special Agent Cauldwell leaned half way into the room, his face didn't betray any emotion but there seemed to be a nervous energy about him. "Let's take a walk." He said simply and he glanced from Esposito and then to Ryan, they in turn gave each other a confused look and then made to follow him.

On the way down and out of the building the detectives tried to question him about what was going on but he evaded their questions until they had exited the building and where on the crowded New York street, full of people and noise. He then began walking down the street and when they had put a few hundred feet between themselves and the federal building he finally turned to address the two perplexed detectives.

"Could you take the batteries out of your cellphones, please." He asked as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"What?" Ryan asked clearly confused.

"What is going on here?!" Esposito demanded, not liking this latest turn of events.

"I will tell you in a minute but for now will you please remove your batteries from your cellphones." The special agent replied forcefully.

Suddenly Ryan thought he got the picture and he didn't like it, he then turned to address his partner. "I think we should do what he says."

"What, why?" Esposito demanded, he was clearly confused. "Just trust me and I will explain in a minute." Ryan said forcefully and he was clearly worried.

"Okay." Esposito said with a shrug and then a moment later he pulled out his cellphone and removed the battery, Ryan did the same a moment later.

"Thank you." Special Agent Cauldwell said and he seemed to become a little less worried. "Years of fighting organized crime has taught me how to evade surveillance." He explained simply and then began walking down the street again with Ryan and Esposito following close behind.

"You had us remove the batteries so no one could use our cellphones to listen in on us, the dealers used to do it when I worked with vice." Ryan said addressing Cauldwell.

"Yes, exactly." Cauldwell said and his manor seemed to become grim and he was constantly scanning the street now, to try and spot any cars or people who may have been following them.

"But only someone in law enforcement could do that." Esposito pointed out.

"That is the point." Cauldwell said grimly, his face darkened but to his credit there was no sign of panic either on his face or in his voice. "The reason no one checked in the cell when the camera was destroyed was that no one knew the camera was destroyed."

"How could that happen?" Ryan asked puzzled.

"Someone hacked the system and looped old footage from the cell so whoever killed change was not seen and we have a six hour window where it could have happened." Cauldwell explained as he came to a stop and turned to face the two detectives who were slightly behind him.

"If they could do that then why break the camera?" Ryan asked.

"It was to send us a message." Esposito explained somberly. "They want us to know that they have people everywhere, even the FBI and that if we don't back off we will get hurt."

"Like that is going to happen." Ryan scoffed but everyone remained quiet for a moment as they stopped and considered their situation. When someone finally spoke it was Cauldwell and there was a cold as steel look in his eyes and his voice was grave.

"If we continue with this it will literally be a life or death fight." Cauldwell explained gravely and he gave the two detectives another moment to fully take in the gravity of their situation before he continued. "The Dragon will have no choice but to kill us to protect his secret so we can't hold back anything, we have to be all in and that means we can't worry about anything except getting him, this will be a fight to the death and if we have to do something that will cost us our jobs in order to come out alive on the other end of this thing that is what we will have to do. So are you in?"

Ryan and Esposito took a moment and then they both nodded that they were in. "What happened to playing by the rules?" Esposito asked as they followed Cauldwell who had now turned and began walking back towards the FBI building.

"Do you know what all the truly great generals of history had in common?" Cauldwell asked without turning to face either man.

"They could all shout really loud in a battlefield?" Ryan asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

"When they found the rules of the game stacked against them they changed the rules of the game. That is what we are about to do, change the rules." Cauldwell explained calmly.

"So you have a plan?" Esposito asked.

"Yes, I have a plan." The older man replied. The three men then made their way back into the federal building unsure of what the future would hold other then danger, but they also knew that at that moment they were one hundred percent committed and there was no turning back. Live or die they were now in this until the end.

**Wow, the response I got from the last chapter was amazing, I didn't expect it after I kept you all waiting so long. Sorry about that and thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, and favorited this story so far. You guys are the best and the reason I keep going. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Things were not going well, at least they were no in Richard Castle's opinion. He sat in the office in the FBI safe house talking to his Psychiatrist, they had chosen this room because it afforded the most privacy and Castle was glad of it because despite holding his feelings in check on the outside on the inside he didn't know if he should cry or scream.

He fixed his gaze on the woman who sat in the chair across from where he had parked his wheelchair. She was a few years older then him and her face had a few winkles on it. Here hair was a sort of off blond and cut to shoulder length. She wore minimal make up and she was tall for a woman, only about one inch shorter then Castle himself. She wore a standard blue business suit with a knee length skirt and she held a pad of yellow legal paper and a pen in her hand. Beside the chair she had placed the small leather briefcase she had brought with her and Castle glanced down at it for a second to avoid her intense gaze. Over all Dr. Jackie Franklin had the air of someone who knew who business and would push until she got to the truth, the trouble was Castle had asked her a question which in turn had prompted a question from her and he was not sure of what the true answer was.

It was bad enough being told that while his panic attacks were normal they were also something he would have to work on if he wanted them to get better, but this was some how worse then that, it was some how more personal and Castle could not come up with an answer so he avoided looking straight into her eyes as his mind raced and he tried to figure out what the real answer was.

"Mr. Castle didn't you hear me?" Doctor Franklin asked and he voice was gentle but firm, this cause Castle to look her in the eye. He could tell that she was trying to help and she would not leave without an answer to her question. The trouble was he had no idea what the true answer was, he needed to play for time.

"I'm Sorry, could you repeat the question?" The writers asked trying to appear absent minded but he had a feeling she saw right through his act still she looked at him and asked the question again, this time more firmly.

"I asked you why you have doubts about your relationship with Detective Beckett, why do you think it will not last?" The doctor inquired and this caused Castle's mind to begin racing, he had so many conflicting thoughts and he didn't know which were causing him to think Beckett would leave him and he should not get too invested in the relationship. The trouble was he still couldn't zero in on why these thoughts seemed to keep canceling out Beckett's actions.

"I have no idea!" Castle at last replied as he slammed his fist down on his leg. "She keeps telling me she wants me and does her best to show me but for some reason deep down I don't believe her and I have no idea way." Castle added and frustration was showing in his voice.

"Okay, calm down and take a breath." Doctor Franklin said patiently. "You are a writer, right?" She asked a moment later and Castle nodded that this was true not sure what she was getting at so he didn't say anything and just let the woman continue. "I want you to try something. I want you to stop thinking about this as your own problem and start thinking about this as a problem a character in one of your books would have. I want you to think about what reason you would give for a character having these feeling and if they are justified or not." Doctor Franklin calmly explained.

Castle nodded that he understood and then began thinking about the problem in this new way. He looked down at his lap and his two useless legs and then slowly something began to dawn on him. It was so simple he wasn't sure why he hadn't thought of this before but when he thought of himself as a character it became plain as day.

"Have you come up with anything?" Doctor Franklin asked a minute latter.

"I am not sure, but I think so." Castle replied and he slowly raised his eyes up off of his lap. "I would say that this character has no reason to doubt his girlfriend, but it's not her he his doubting." Doctor Franklin nodded to confirm he was on the right track and Castle continued carefully. "This character would instead be doubting himself, he wouldn't feel like he was good enough for her and somewhere he would be thinking she should be with someone better. Someone who wasn't in a wheelchair, she would have told him that it didn't matter but he wouldn't be able to believe it because he doesn't believe in himself any more."

"And how do you think this would make the girlfriend character feel?" Doctor Franklin pressed.

"Insulted." Castle said without thinking and then a look of shame passed over his face as he was hit by a sudden revelation. "She would feel like he was a accusing her of being shallow, not knowing who she loved and why, and worst of all if he was so willing to push her away after so many years she would wonder if he had decided she wasn't worth it now that they were finally together and she would begin to think he must not really love her." Castle looked down at his lap.

"Okay, It's okay we all have moments of self doubt and get confused at some point in our lives." Doctor Franklin explained gently, Castle still didn't look up at her so she continued. "After what you have been through this is normal but if you don't want this to destroy your relationships with other people you have to learn to control these thoughts."

"How?" Castle asked brokenly, looking up at the doctor.

"I am going to give you an exercise." Doctor Franklin explained. Castle gave her a puzzled look he didn't know if he liked the idea of getting home work from his head shrink, but he would try anything to fix his relationship with Kate, She was worth it. "I will be seeing you three times a week right now and between now and our next meeting if you have any of these thoughts that ultimately destructive to yourself or your relationships I want you to go somewhere that you can be alone and take a moment to write out exactly what happened and how it makes you feel as if you are writing about fictional character and read what you have written to yourself before taking actions based on your feelings."

Castle nodded that he understood, as strange and silly as this sounded it made a certain amount of sense and he wish he had thought of it before he had said and done things over the past few days he wished he could take back.

"Okay I think we have done enough for today." Doctor Franklin said and she reached into her briefcase and pulled out a small pad of paper and began writing on it. "I am writing you a prescription that will help you deal with panic attacks like the one you had this morning." Doctor Franklin explained and then she handed the piece of paper to Castle. He nodded, this made him feel worse, now he needed drugs to deal with his problems but he decided to handle one thing at a time. "I am seeing your daughter Alexis next, could you please send her in." Doctor Franklin said and for the first time Castle saw something close to a smile on the older woman's face.

"Okay." Castle said and then he added almost as an after thought. "How do I make things right with Beckett?"

"Well I don't know her but what do you think you should do?" The doctor questioned back.

"I think I need to talk to Kate." Castle said a moment latter, and then he turned his wheelchair around and headed out of the room. He had no idea what he was going to say to make things right but it was a start, and that was more then he had earlier that morning so maybe things were slowly looking up.

**Hey guys sorry this chapter is so late and so short. I wanted to really get the plot moving but instead all I really gave you was filler. It's filler that I thought needed to happen but I am not very happy with this chapter but I couldn't come up with another way to write it. I wanted this chapter to be longer and on time but I got really busy yesterday and today and I wanted to give you something so here is this late short chapter. Thanks for putting up with my lousy update schedule, you guys are the best and the reason I keep writing. **

**Thank you to everyone who reads, favorites, follows, and reviews this story I am becoming a better writer because of your feedback. Hopefully I will be back to updating five days a week tomorrow.**

**Thanks again for reading.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Agent Cauldwell warned Detectives Ryan and Esposito against saying anything about the case, where they were going, and putting the batteries back into their cellphones as they entered the federal building and quickly headed for the elevator. The three men road up up in the elevator in silence and The detectives watched with some interest as Agent Cauldwell placed several seemingly random objects including what looked like a small hand held radio in the pockets of his suit coat, he then let the two detectives back to the elevator with out saying a word and hit the button for level three of the underground parking garage for the building.

"We will take my car." The special agent said simply as he led the detectives off of the elevator and and into the somewhat dark parking structure. He let them past row after row or standard government issue sedans and sport utility vehicles to a car that stood out from the lot. As special agent Cauldwell walked over and unlocked the driver's side door of a rather scary looking muscle car with a custom dark red paint job Esposito was thinking a little more quickly then his partner.

"Shotgun." Esposito called out an instant before his partner did the same.

"Damn it!" Was the only response Ryan had and with a smug smile on his face Esposito made his way to the front passenger side door while a somewhat dejected Ryan got into the back seat after Cauldwell had moved the driver's seat forward and then climbed in after him.

"It's a 1970 Chevy SS 454." Cauldwell stated bluntly, answering the unasked question that that was hanging in the air as the three men buckled their seat belts, he then added as he turned the key and started the car. "Don't say anything about the case or where we are going until I give you the all clear." The two detectives nodded that they understood and Cauldwell pulled out of the parking structure and into the traffic of the busy New York street.

The first stop they made was at a small store that specialized in mostly used electronics, Ryan and Esposito watched, somewhat puzzled as Cauldwell picked out a few seemingly random objects from the store including an old analog portable radio and a set of screw drivers.

"I think he is getting that stuff to check the car for bugs." Ryan said after a moment of thought, leaning over to his partner, Esposito nodded that he understood.

Ryan's guess proved to be correct as next they pulled into an empty lot that looked like it used to be a garage of some kind or maybe a body shop before a fire had cause the building to be torn down. The sidewalk in front of the lot still slopped down to allow cars to pull into it and that is exactly what special agent Cauldwell did. He then spent just over half an hour waving the radio, the small radio like device he had gotten from his office, and his cellphone over the car. When he was done he pulled the screw drivers from his pocket and went to work. The first thing he did was pull a small object about the size of a quarter out from inside the steering column, next he made his way back and under the car and pulled off a larger object that was about the size of a cellphone that seemed to be held in place by a magnet.

He quickly then got up and dashed passed the two men and ran onto the sidewalk and into the crowd walking passed, first he seemed to in his haste bump into a business woman making her way down the street but Esposito spotted him slipping the small quarter sized object into her coat pocket, next he dashed up behind a taxi cab that had pulled up to the curve to pick up a business man, he quickly slapped the larger object onto the underside of the taxi and then made his way back to the sidewalk just as it pulled away.

Cauldwell then walled calmly back to the two detectives. "It's okay, we can talk now." He said.

"We are in real trouble here." Ryan observed gravely.

"Yes we are, they had planted an audio bug and a tracking device on my car." Cauldwell confirmed.

"Well at least they will be chasing that cab for a while." Esposito said, trying to look on the bright side.

"Yes and that gives us some time to work." Cauldwell agreed.

"So what is our next move?" Esposito asked.

"We need to find out who is running the Tongs and where he can be found, they are our only lead." Cauldwell stated calmly.

"I have a friend in vice who may be able to help with that." Ryan said and he reached into his pockett and replaced the battery in his cellphone and began to dial a number.

"Good, then we will need somewhere to take him, off the grid." Cauldwell explained and all three of the men felt a chill run down their spines at what the special agent was suggesting, it ran counter to everything they had been trained to do and it didn't escape any of their notice that what they were about to do was Montgomery had done so many years ago and what had put him in the power of "The Dragon" in the first place. Still needs must when the devil drives and the difference was they were not going to cover up what they where about to do once this was all over and they were only doing this because they had been left with no other choice.

"I know a few run down and empty places where no one will bother us." Esposito said after a few moments of thought. Cauldwell nodded that this was good.

a minute later Ryan returned to the group removing his battery from his cellphone and placing both objects back in his pockett. "Okay the guy who runs the Tongs in New York is a business man named Ki Zhang Wei and he hangs out at a fancy Chinese food place called The Golden Dragon." The Irish detective reported.

"Great let's get over there." Cauldwell said and the three men piled into the car, none of them liked what they were about to do and they knew it could end with them in jail but that wasn't about to stop them from doing it. The three law enforcement officers were about to break the law in a big way , still at the same time they were about to get some answers and they would no longer be playing defense. They got into the car under no illusions about what the future would hold, everything was about to hit the fan.

**Thank you again to everyone who has been reading and reviewing and following and favoriting. As always you guys are the best and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


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